Cheating wife has options

[ben917]

Im new to this site but i needed an honest opinion on how i am feeling because none of my friends know what to say and most just say "dude i dont know but you make a good point".

 

About a year ago my wife cheated on me and we didnt end well. The same week we split she started dating her new boyfriend. She has my house, my kids and all the things i have purchased over the last 6 years and now she is saying i am not paying her enough. We have 3 kids and i have been paying her 600 a month. She never worked until 2 months before the breakup which was part time at a bar and she ended up bangin the owner.

 

Idont make very much money right now as i am apprenticing to become a journeyman carpenter. But over time I am looking to be making quite a bit of money especially if im going to own my own business or be a foreman or super on a construction site (upwards to 150-200g a year). This was the whole reason why i got out of the army and decided to purchase a house while i was still approved for one and could live nicely with my family and eventually make more as a carpenter doing something i love. She knows about this and is well aware of what my intentions are as we discussed this when we were still together. She said she wasnt trying to screw me over but she is refusing to sign a contract stating a set amount for the next 17 years based on fluctuation of the market.

 

The rules laid out by federal govn't say its approx, 25% of your earning for child support which is fair....... if you make 35000 a year. anything more than that is absolutely rediculous. An ex wife receiving child support from someone making 200g a year will make 40-50g tax free doing absolutely nothing. she is basically making the same as someone making 60-70g a year. My point is this

 

Why would a wife stay with their husband if she can make a whole **** tonne of money doing nothing and have his house and kids with money to spend with her new found boy toy. Is it just me, or is this the reason why divorce rate is so high. I am not even factoring in alimony for the unlucky people who have to pay it.

 

im not trying to sound bad here, but im really not looking for any feminist rights comments about how there are men out there who leech off their ex wives like this cause come on, i know at least 20 ex wives who've done this and ive heard of only one guy doing it but it was only for alimony, she got to keep the kids. so please just give me an insight as to how this might be fair for her or its something i shouldnt think about cause it will only make me feel worse towards her or even just give me some good words of advice cause im feeling a little worked up right now. I almost feel as though why should i even bother being ambitious or strive to make more and become something great if its all gonna be taken from me anyways and given to someone who doesnt deserve it.

 

PS, shes not the type of person who will take that money and only give it to the well being of the children

[GLDheart]

I'm going to avoid saying "Man Up" to you. You will likely hear that from 80% of the people that you complain to. So best keep most of this to yourself.

 

With that said, yes it can be very unfair. My outlook on this is comical. Here is the scenario:

 

If a Family man betrays his family and starts nailing the new secratary. Society punishes him by giving the scorned wife the house, kids, the alimony, child support, and more... Society says "let him pay for his selfishness"

 

However, flip that. Picture the loyal hard working man who provides for and loves his kids but his "entitled" external validation needing wife get's a little rush off having other guys "want her". She crushes his heart and as a parting gift emotionaly douses him with gasoline and turns her back to him tossing a match over her shoulder as she walks away.... Well the courts give her the kids, the house, the alimony, the child support... etc...

 

That just seems to happen way too much in this currently gender biased system.

[eeyore1981]

Im new to this site but i needed an honest opinion on how i am feeling because none of my friends know what to say and most just say "dude i dont know but you make a good point".

 

About a year ago my wife cheated on me and we didnt end well. The same week we split she started dating her new boyfriend. She has my house, my kids and all the things i have purchased over the last 6 years and now she is saying i am not paying her enough. We have 3 kids and i have been paying her 600 a month. She never worked until 2 months before the breakup which was part time at a bar and she ended up bangin the owner.

 

Idont make very much money right now as i am apprenticing to become a journeyman carpenter. But over time I am looking to be making quite a bit of money especially if im going to own my own business or be a foreman or super on a construction site (upwards to 150-200g a year). This was the whole reason why i got out of the army and decided to purchase a house while i was still approved for one and could live nicely with my family and eventually make more as a carpenter doing something i love. She knows about this and is well aware of what my intentions are as we discussed this when we were still together. She said she wasnt trying to screw me over but she is refusing to sign a contract stating a set amount for the next 17 years based on fluctuation of the market.

 

The rules laid out by federal govn't say its approx, 25% of your earning for child support which is fair....... if you make 35000 a year. anything more than that is absolutely rediculous. An ex wife receiving child support from someone making 200g a year will make 40-50g tax free doing absolutely nothing. she is basically making the same as someone making 60-70g a year. My point is this

 

Why would a wife stay with their husband if she can make a whole **** tonne of money doing nothing and have his house and kids with money to spend with her new found boy toy. Is it just me, or is this the reason why divorce rate is so high. I am not even factoring in alimony for the unlucky people who have to pay it.

 

im not trying to sound bad here, but im really not looking for any feminist rights comments about how there are men out there who leech off their ex wives like this cause come on, i know at least 20 ex wives who've done this and ive heard of only one guy doing it but it was only for alimony, she got to keep the kids. so please just give me an insight as to how this might be fair for her or its something i shouldnt think about cause it will only make me feel worse towards her or even just give me some good words of advice cause im feeling a little worked up right now. I almost feel as though why should i even bother being ambitious or strive to make more and become something great if its all gonna be taken from me anyways and given to someone who doesnt deserve it.

 

PS, shes not the type of person who will take that money and only give it to the well being of the children

 

I get what you're saying, and it doesn't seem fair, but I don't think you're looking at the big picture.

 

If you don't want to pay child support, get custody of your kids yourself. I know that's easier said than done, but if you were to get custody, you would get a better idea of what it's all about.

 

Are your children old enough to go to school? If not, the odds are pretty high you will be paying a lot more than $600 a month for daycare while you are at work. Then there's the chance you lose some job security when you have to take off to take them to the doctor, or if daycare won't keep them because they have chicken pox or something, and those days you are at work on your last legs because you were up all night with a sick kid or one having nightmares (I had a couple that walked in their sleep...) You also have to do things like make sure they are fed and bathed and clothed and tucked into bed at night.

 

If your kids are in school, there's school clothes, school supplies, still some form of daycare unless your work hours and their school hours are the same, you still have to feed them, sit up with them at night, stay home or make arrangements when they're sick, help them with their homework, make sure they are bathed and their teeth are cleaned.

 

Then, school or no school, there's all the time you have to devote to them, and I say devote to emphasize you are giving them your full attention, because they are your kids and you are their parent and that's what parents and kids do, spend quality time together talking and playing and interacting.

 

What kind of wrench do you think being a full-time parent would throw into your future career plans and potential income earning abilities? You may look at this as feminist blah blah, but all this is just the tip of the iceberg of the life of the custodial parent. I wasn't divorced, but my husband was rarely home because of work. I was out of the job market almost 10 years before my kids were in school, and so wasn't able to make the income I could have had had I not been off work so long. I did get a job as soon as my kids were all in school, but with H gone most of the time, I still had all the responsibility (kind of like a single parent) and it is exhausting.

 

So at least in my opinion, this situation is a little more complicated than what you seem to be seeing...

[sad puppy]

Pony up for an aggressive attorney who will represent your interests, go for shared custody. If you have equity in the house, some of that is yours, get it going quickly, you're young and it'll all work out. Get moving!

[ghgh750]

When you say she got to keep the house and all the things you bought, is that an exaggeration because marital assets are supposed to be divided 50/50. Didn't you get any of the assets?

 

Also, about the house, I assume you still have a mortgage and she has to continue to pay it while you don't have to anymore. Is this true? How is she paying for the mortgage?

 

The child support bit does suck but they are your kids at least! There have been cases where the father has to pay for his nonbiological children since he was deceived!

 

If you are worried about her continuing to suck you dry, why don't you just sit down with her and calmly explain your fears. I know it ended badly but can't you at least pretend to be civil.

 

Tell her that maybe there were problems in the marriage but that cheating on you was not acceptable. Not only did she leave you but she is ruining you financially. Beg if you have to so that she makes concessions. Getting angry here won't help.

[ben917]

So i did talk to her as i stated and i wanted an agreement for a sum per month for 17 yrs like i said and she said no, but im still trying, thanks for the advice though, im working at that option and im being very nice even though she isnt

 

i have no sympathy for a stay at home mom who will get 40g a year doing nothing. Im not stupid, she sits at home all day smoking and talking to her friends on the phone while the kids run around the house. i am willing to pay for school stuff and med bills, but anything more than 600 a month when she gets 820 for child care tax per month is just sick. and no i wont pay more now because i make jack ****. im talking about down the road. Getting full custody of the kids is fine with me but they wont be around me very often as i work hard and long hours and i enjoy it. id have to pay for a nanny anyways, i just wish there was a bit of pride out of her. I did like the reality that as they get older they can be a handful still, but she gets a lot of free handouts from her family

 

the mortgage is being paid by her mom who is engaged to a multi millionaire so im sure thats where she gets the money. I think an aggressive lawyer needs to be setup lol, thanks for the info on that one.

 

thank you everyone, i really liked the comments, opinions and options, keep them coming if you can

[carhill]

Near term, melt a credit card and hire a good lawyer.

 

Longer term, get some feedback from a business lawyer, accountant and a few business colleagues (that would be the 'boss' of the journeyman carpenters you're working under) about advantageous structuring of a business/self-employment in your situation. If your ex is a money-grabber, there are ways to defeat that. It's best to learn about them from professionals who can advise of risks and benefits.

 

In the meantime, document, document, document. More information is good information.

 

My sympathies and good luck. Welcome to LS

[jwi71]

She said she wasnt trying to screw me over but she is refusing to sign a contract stating a set amount for the next 17 years based on fluctuation of the market.

 

Huh?

What contract?

For what? To sell the house?

What amount are you talking about?

 

The rules laid out by federal govn't say its approx, 25% of your earning for child support which is fair....... if you make 35000 a year.

 

The Federal Govt does NOT set alimony or CS rates. That's left to the states to decide. For instance, there is NO alimony in Texas (there are two exceptions but by and large, it's zero).

 

anything more than that is absolutely rediculous. An ex wife receiving child support from someone making 200g a year will make 40-50g tax free doing absolutely nothing. she is basically making the same as someone making 60-70g a year.

 

CS payments go for the support of the children, not the mother.

Furthermore, the calculation is based on net, not gross income (sorta...they back out taxes and insurance to determine the amount from which the CS percentage is taken). So, your example of 200k is overstated. It would be less - in Texas because that's how Texas does it. Might be different in your state. Ask your lawyer.

 

Why would a wife stay with their husband if she can make a whole **** tonne of money doing nothing and have his house and kids with money to spend with her new found boy toy. Is it just me, or is this the reason why divorce rate is so high. I am not even factoring in alimony for the unlucky people who have to pay it.

 

People in this situation didn't hire the right lawyer.

IMO, only an idiot agrees to those terms in a D. Patently stupid really.

 

I almost feel as though why should i even bother being ambitious or strive to make more and become something great if its all gonna be taken from me anyways and given to someone who doesnt deserve it.

 

Because you are speaking of CS and not alimony are your own children don't deserve it? What a shyte father.

 

Methinks you are confusing alimony and CS.

 

(both of which are negotiable)

 

PS, shes not the type of person who will take that money and only give it to the well being of the children

 

Doesn't matter. The money paid by you to her as CS is for the support of the children. She has to pay the utils, her car insurance and gas and so on.

 

You can TRY and write in clauses that require her to account for the CS money the failure of which triggers a payment from her to you. Her lawyer will likely refuse but it can't hurt to ask...

[Tulsy]

So i did talk to her as i stated and i wanted an agreement for a sum per month for 17 yrs like i said and she said no, but im still trying, thanks for the advice though, im working at that option and im being very nice even though she isnt

 

i have no sympathy for a stay at home mom who will get 40g a year doing nothing. Im not stupid, she sits at home all day smoking and talking to her friends on the phone while the kids run around the house. i am willing to pay for school stuff and med bills, but anything more than 600 a month when she gets 820 for child care tax per month is just sick. and no i wont pay more now because i make jack ****. im talking about down the road. Getting full custody of the kids is fine with me but they wont be around me very often as i work hard and long hours and i enjoy it. id have to pay for a nanny anyways, i just wish there was a bit of pride out of her. I did like the reality that as they get older they can be a handful still, but she gets a lot of free handouts from her family

 

the mortgage is being paid by her mom who is engaged to a multi millionaire so im sure thats where she gets the money. I think an aggressive lawyer needs to be setup lol, thanks for the info on that one.

 

thank you everyone, i really liked the comments, opinions and options, keep them coming if you can

 

Are you divorced yet? Do you have a signed separation agreement?

 

At least find out your rights from a lawyer (1 hr consultation over the phone is free, so have your questions ready and written out to be asked).

 

I've been there, and yes, it's hard...sucks, but you HAVE to break the marital ties and concentrate on being a single dad now. You get half the value of the house and everything in it. She will get half of your pension, if you have one. All assets are divided 50/50. If you do have a pension, get it's current value, and then determine it's accrual value, because that is less (future income tax on it).

 

If she's working, she prolly won't qualify for alimony, so fight it. Child support...there are online calculators, and you pay based on income. No way around it.

 

She won't sign that 17yr holding rate you want, and neither would you. Just pay the rate...kids are not cheap, and it is your responsibility. 3 kids, only $600 a month? That is nothing!!

 

I have 2 kids and pay $1500 a month, based on my income which is just over 100k a yr. gross. But they are my kids, and that is the law. If I sit and worry about what she spends it on, I will loose my mind.

 

You want a life again? Pay your child support till they are 18 (and longer if they stay in school and live at home), and spend as much time with them as possible. If you want to fight for shared custody, you better live near their school and her home. If not, you'll be like me, shared custody, but their primary residence is at their mom's.

 

FYI, I live 40minute from them, I get them every Thursday night for dinner and every other weekend. In the summer when they are off school, I take them home Thursday night with me so my EXwife gets a long weekend, which she appreciates. I scratch her back, she's nicer to me.

 

Wish you luck, bro.

[nofool4u]

Im new to this site but i needed an honest opinion on how i am feeling because none of my friends know what to say and most just say "dude i dont know but you make a good point".

 

About a year ago my wife cheated on me and we didnt end well. The same week we split she started dating her new boyfriend. She has my house, my kids and all the things i have purchased over the last 6 years and now she is saying i am not paying her enough. We have 3 kids and i have been paying her 600 a month. She never worked until 2 months before the breakup which was part time at a bar and she ended up bangin the owner.

 

Ok, first things first, start the divorce proceedings. Get a good lawyer without her knowing about it.

 

Second, you may not be paying enough in child support, but if she has the house, then she is going to owe you half the equity in the house. She also doesn't just get to automatically have all the assets. If she has them all, then you need to get half of what they are worth. You will need to write down all the things she kept, as well as what you took, and your lawyer will handle it from there.

 

You more than likely will pay more in support, but she doesn't just get to have the house and you losing all equity. You are entitled to half.

 

Not sure about your state, but in Illinois, child support is 20% net for 1 child, 28% for 2, and 30% for 3.

 

Net being your gross minus all taxes, any health premiums you pay on behalf of your children, and if you are in a union, you get to subtract your union dues and mandatory retirement contributions.

Then once you get net, you apply the proper percentages.

 

So chances are for 3 kids you might be paying way too little.

 

My guess is, depending on your state, you are paying just about what you should if you make about $12 to $15/hour.

 

I dont make very much money right now as i am apprenticing to become a journeyman carpenter. But over time I am looking to be making quite a bit of money especially if im going to own my own business or be a foreman or super on a construction site (upwards to 150-200g a year).

 

Based on that I'd expect you should pay about $2,500/month, rough calculation.

 

 

This was the whole reason why i got out of the army and decided to purchase a house while i was still approved for one and could live nicely with my family and eventually make more as a carpenter doing something i love. She knows about this and is well aware of what my intentions are as we discussed this when we were still together.

 

Well she can't get in child support based on what you might be making in the future. Now in the future if you do start making that kind of money, then she can take you back to court. You will also, more than likely, have to give her a copy of your tax returns every year.

 

 

She said she wasnt trying to screw me over but she is refusing to sign a contract stating a set amount for the next 17 years based on fluctuation of the market.

 

Doesn't matter what amount she agrees too, she is screwing you over making you an every other weekend dad, and you getting to pay for the privilege of NOT being with your kids on a daily basis.

 

Too bad infidelity doesn't come into play with regards to custody. It should IMO. I wouldn't think a judge would want children raised by an unscrupulous person.

 

 

The rules laid out by federal govn't say its approx, 25% of your earning for child support which is fair....... if you make 35000 a year. anything more than that is absolutely rediculous. An ex wife receiving child support from someone making 200g a year will make 40-50g tax free doing absolutely nothing. she is basically making the same as someone making 60-70g a year.

 

You are absolutely right. If you make that kind of money, the child support is well above and beyond what it takes to support the children, and the cheating x-wife gets to pocket the rest. Sucks doesn't it? Oh well, it is what it is. Father's get the shaft.

 

 

My point is this

 

Why would a wife stay with their husband if she can make a whole **** tonne of money doing nothing and have his house and kids with money to spend with her new found boy toy.

 

Again, you need a lawyer. She doesn't just "get the house" and all the assets. You are entitled to half of all that.

 

Get a lawyer to draw up a quit claim deed for her to sign, that way you are completely out from under the house and not responsible for any more of its upkeep. Then you also have your lawyer figure up the amount of equity, and she will owe you half of it.

 

Also when signing a quit claim deed, she should have to refinance the house to get your name off the mortgage. Trust me, I've been through this and had the best lawyer in the county.

 

 

Is it just me, or is this the reason why divorce rate is so high. I am not even factoring in alimony for the unlucky people who have to pay it.

 

Alimony is a joke. But I do believe most states have a timeframe for it, and I believe its 5 years spousal support, then its over.

 

 

im not trying to sound bad here

 

Trust me, you don't. You have already been ***** all over by your cheating wife. You are just wanted to be treated fairly, thats all.

 

 

but im really not looking for any feminist rights comments about how there are men out there who leech off their ex wives like this cause come on, i know at least 20 ex wives who've done this and ive heard of only one guy doing it but it was only for alimony, she got to keep the kids.

 

 

Yes, men get the shaft. The incidents of men getting to take the wives to the cleaners are fewer and farther between.

 

 

so please just give me an insight as to how this might be fair for her or its something i shouldnt think about cause it will only make me feel worse towards her or even just give me some good words of advice cause im feeling a little worked up right now.

 

Get an attorney and consider the things I told you to document. Equity, assets, things she is assuming she just gets to keep. Because she will be in for a rude awakening. She doesn't just get to keep whatever she wants without paying you your entitled half.

 

Now she will be entitled to half of any retirement amounts you accumulated while you were married to her, but not to any future amounts. So you better get the divorce done QUICKLY before you start racking it up.

 

 

I almost feel as though why should i even bother being ambitious or strive to make more and become something great if its all gonna be taken from me anyways and given to someone who doesnt deserve it.

 

I know it man. Again, it sucks that a wh0re like your wife can make out like a bandit if you end up making 200 grand a year. Because the CS off that amount is well more than enough.

 

But you can't shoot yourself in the foot and limit your earnings just because the b!tch will get more money. You will still get to keep 75% of whatever you get in increases.

 

 

PS, shes not the type of person who will take that money and only give it to the well being of the children

 

Sounds like my wife. Shops for my kids clothes at Walmart, but goes to the expensive shops for herself. I told her for the amount of money I'm paying she better be shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch for my kids. And the courts don't care if the wife buys rags for the kids, and the best for themselves, as long as they have clothes.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I haven't read all the replies, and I totally feel what you are saying. My wife cheated on me, we are divorcing and she's is getting a ton of money from me =\

 

But...the thing you have to think about is, "What's best for my children?"

 

And if both parents are good parents, that is for the kids to see both of them equally. You can't have one parent living in poverty. Plus I do still care about my WW's general well being even though she ripped my heart out. She does need some chance to put her life together in-spite of....sigh....

 

I totally feel the lack of motivation bit too. My motivation at work right now is waaayyy down. It's pretty bad. My brain tells me I need to get my act together but my heart just isn't into it.

[Tulsy]

I haven't read all the replies, and I totally feel what you are saying. My wife cheated on me, we are divorcing and she's is getting a ton of money from me =\

 

But...the thing you have to think about is, "What's best for my children?"

 

And if both parents are good parents, that is for the kids to see both of them equally. You can't have one parent living in poverty. Plus I do still care about my WW's general well being even though she ripped my heart out. She does need some chance to put her life together in-spite of....sigh....

 

I totally feel the lack of motivation bit too. My motivation at work right now is waaayyy down. It's pretty bad. My brain tells me I need to get my act together but my heart just isn't into it.

 

 

Exactly. I feel the same way. Try to work with her for equality, for the sake of both of you and the kids.

 

Motivation never fully came back for me, and I actually like that now. I realized part of my old "drive" was for praise I wasn't getting from my wife anyways. I missed out on a lot because I was working...well, those days are over. I take better care of myself now, and I travel more now too (2yrs since breakup of 13yr marriage).

 

When you aren't working as hard, you should think about what YOU want to do, and what YOU want out of life. I exercise more, eat better, and have a better realationship with my kids and my ex. I let my HATE go, and accept the child support payment, even though it seems excessive.

 

Don't waste your time thinking of her and her new guy with their feet up burning your cash....think about you and your kids. Plus, new women don't find that miserable outlook very attractive.

[MoneyWorld]

I know it's an easy thing to lose sight of, but think of the difference in the kids lives if you were still a full family unit.

 

If you were making 40k a year, they may have cheaper clothes, less spending money, cheaper food, cheaper entertainment.

 

If you were making 200k+ a year, they would likely have much nicer clothes, much more spending money, more expensive food, better vacations, etc.

 

Why should the children (half of you) have a lower standard of living simply because you as their father "hit it big" after you were split from their mother?

 

You asked what's the incentive for a woman to stick with a man when she could collect tons in child support? The first thing that comes to mind is because she loves him. I'm sorry that your marriage isn't in that category, but it's what keeps most couples together.

 

And finally, what's the reason to be ambitious and strive to make more and better your situation in life? Easy. To make more and better your situation in life. If you are taking home 30k and paying 600 a month (roughly 25%), at a 130k take home you'll be paying about 2700 a month. Don't lose sight of the fact that you are going from around 23k a year in your pocket after child support to over 97k a year in your pocket after child support.

 

I'm sure that you love your children and would want them to have the best life possible. Improving your life also has the knock on effect of improving theirs as well.

[DuckSoup]

the mortgage is being paid by her mom who is engaged to a multi millionaire so im sure thats where she gets the money

 

It's too late now but here you go, your ex is a woman who is just like her mom, a gold digger. Her mom is the role model.

 

She conned you, she used you. I know it hurts, but honestly, there are so many women just like your wife.

 

The court system is completely biased against guys like you--hard working guys who didn't do anything wrong.

 

You'd be better off if you were a crack-smokin' layabout with no reportable income and a dozen baby mamas. If the sheriff comes after you for the child support you just vanish.

 

The one thing you might want to do if you get a lawyer is to ask for your kids to be DNA tested since they might not be yours. She could have been cheating on you for a long time especially if you were on deployments.

 

If the kids aren't yours, maybe you could get out of child support due to paternity fraud.

[ben917]

 

If you were making 200k+ a year, they would likely have much nicer clothes, much more spending money, more expensive food, better vacations, etc.

 

Why should the children (half of you) have a lower standard of living simply because you as their father "hit it big" after you were split from their mother?

.

 

I have spoken to fathers who paid tonnes in child support and their kids had no idea that dad was forking the bill their entire lives. Im worried she will spend the money on herself and not the kids. Its that illogical mentality that stews me, if it were a set rate, ie. 2-400 per kid, than that would stop a lot of women from leaving or cheating on their husbands because life will be tough and more than likely, the children will go to the bread winner because they will have a better life. instead women use kids as props to get them money, not all do dont get me wrong ( my sister didnt take any from her deadbeat ex who doesnt see his kids). All im saying is that in this situation the only one who benefits is the mother, and you might beleive in love buds but wait till that special someone ****s you in the bum. You lose trust cause you exposed urself to them and they ruined you.

 

nofool4u - awsome advice, i really liked it, i think im gonna do that. im gonna look for a lawyer right away, hopefully things go easier than what ive heard.

[Jonah]

 

About a year ago my wife cheated on me and we didnt end well. The same week we split she started dating her new boyfriend. She has my house, my kids and all the things i have purchased over the last 6 years and now she is saying i am not paying her enough. We have 3 kids and i have been paying her 600 a month. She never worked until 2 months before the breakup which was part time at a bar and she ended up bangin the owner.

 

 

Yeah I've been there done that... She found her guy just after I put her through nursing school. I paid $700 a month for two kids and that was 15 years ago. At first I freaked but then realized I was lucky to escape with only that. Your ex is right... $600 won't pay for three kids when you figure in the extra rooms, electricity that will be needed. If you still lived with them it would cost you much more than that anyway.

 

Tip - push for part of it to be prepay collage... the judge will think of you as a good guy and go easy on you. Make sure you pay though... you don't pay and you will be more likely to be assigned a higher amount.

 

There is legislation and even new laws in effect that eases up on the alimony, but not child support... that's going up.

 

Yes I was sore, but I was never late with the payments and also got the kids on most weekends and during the week. It wasn't a good atmosphere for them at their moms so I got them as much as I could. I also bought their cloths and other things which I kept the receipts in a diary for. The kids and I always had a great fun time together when I was a bachelor. It was the time of my life! I would take the kids to the parks and use them for bait to catch single moms.

 

Wasn't long... my ex's affair crashed like a derailed train and my she went through a few more guys before she offered to let me have primary residence. I took the kids and let her off paying no child support at all.

 

Then I ended up helping her financial so my kids could have a decent place to stay and her a decent car to pick them up in. It was like throwing cash into a bon fire, but I kept doing it like a schmuck right until the kids got old enough to drive themselves.

 

My ex ended up in jail a few times, homeless for a while and last I talked to her she was badly busted up with a broke nose and broken ribs from her current boyfriend. I tried to get her help but she wants to stay there because he has a house.

 

This woman was once a wonderful mom and wife. It was sad to see her spiral downhill so. It was all my fault. I drove her crazy, she turned to alcohol and pills and it ruined her life.

 

Our kids are doing quite well - both in the military.

[nofool4u]

I have spoken to fathers who paid tonnes in child support and their kids had no idea that dad was forking the bill their entire lives.

 

Exactly. I got tired of hearing my kids tell me that I don't buy them anything and that their mom does. They say that because she drilled it into their head as a way to shame me into giving her more than the $1,200/month I already pay.

 

I finally had to tell my oldest son how much I pay their mother and that everything they have I paid for, not their mother.

 

When he found out how much he was shocked.

 

$1,200/month more than well pays their expenses and then some. On top of that I am in for 1/2 the unpaid medical and I have to provide medical insurance for them.

 

The X doesn't think its enough because she wants HER expenses paid for, rather than working for them herself.

 

 

Im worried she will spend the money on herself and not the kids.

 

Mine does that. It is what it is. And we as fathers are not to question where our money is going.

 

nofool4u - awsome advice, i really liked it, i think im gonna do that. im gonna look for a lawyer right away, hopefully things go easier than what ive heard.

 

 

Yes, do that! And if you have anything else to ask with regards to divorce and entitlement, ask away. I've been through it and could be a divorce lawyer myself.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm not totally clear here after reading more. Did she work? To me the child support isn't the big thing, it's the alimony. That's what's hitting me so hard.

 

And if you get partial custody and reduced child support because of it, you can directly buy things for them(either way you can). Someone's post earlier made it sound like the father will never buy things for the kids after divorce

[GLDheart]

Exactly. I got tired of hearing my kids tell me that I don't buy them anything and that their mom does...

 

...I finally had to tell my oldest son how much I pay their mother and that everything they have I paid for, not their mother...

 

...When he found out how much he was shocked...

 

These women propagandize the children to hurt some men. They forget where the "magic money" comes from. Like the Child Support grows on some bountiful money tree. They forget somebody actually has to go out and grind out long hours of work to provide that Child Support Payment. Then they want to leverage the kids in some righteous "I love you more" war. It's like they say "look how much I spend on you and he can't even buy you a x,y, or z!"

 

The sad thing is all it does is hurt the kids. The kids start to think that Dad doesn't care. It's pretty tough on a young mind to think that half of what makes them who they are is part scumbag... Not a healthy tactic by these moms. Makes me want to roll up a newspaper and whack the offending moms in the nose like a bad puppy and say: "NO!".

Edited July 18, 2012 by GLDheart

[DuckSoup]

These women propagandize the children to hurt some men. They forget where the "magic money" comes from. Like the Child Support grows on some bountiful money tree. They forget somebody actually has to go out and grind out long hours of work to provide that Child Support Payment. Then they want to leverage the kids in some righteous "I love you more" war. It's like they say "look how much I spend on you and he can't even buy you a x,y, or z!"

 

The sad thing is all it does is hurt the kids. The kids start to think that Dad doesn't care. It's pretty tough on a young mind to think that half of what makes them who they are is part scumbag... Not a healthy tactic by these moms. Makes me want to roll up a newspaper and whack the offending moms in the nose like a bad puppy and say: "NO!".

 

Many of "these women" are actually "nuts" for lack of a better word, technically BPD or bipolar or whatnot in many cases.

 

Look at the insane behavior that's being described in many of these women. Drugs, alcohol, self-destructive behavior, going with a series of abuser boyfriends.....it always seems they're leaving a hard working guy who they find is dull and boring (because he's always working his butt off to bring in money for the family; fixing stuff around the house; being a good dad with his kids). That's all "adult" stuff, "responsible" stuff, and gee, it's "booorrrrrinnnngggggg". You know, you guys are "fulfilling your obligations", and we all know how bad "obligations" are! (Like sex with your husband--what a horrible "obligation"!_

 

I really think a lot of these women are just snakes in the grass who for reasons only they know deliberately "target" hard working responsible guys for the "family side" of their lives, but they ALWAYS harbor these inner demons, just hide it from their husbands for a while.

 

It's like they hop off the c8ck carousel for a few years to get a hard working guy, knock out a couple of brats, get a house and some marital assets, then their 2 or 3 or 5 or 7 year itch (and we know what part of tha anatomy needs to be scratched!) goes off, and they just hop right back on that carousel, and all the things that go with it.

 

They have exactly the same attitude towards their spousal and parental obligations being expressed towards marital sex in Robert Z's thread--the attitude of petulant, spoiled, entitled children. Even the word "obligation" fills them with hatred and resentment towards their responsible husband, ther perceived "father figure."

 

I would not be surprised at all if every single one of the women who behave this way have very severe "daddy issues."

[Radu]

My experience is from my relatives [lawyers] with Roman Law, not Commonwealth Law, but i think they still apply.

 

You know why guys get shafted during divorces ?; here's a few reasons :

- they buy into the mentality that the kids will go to the mother. WRONG.

Kids nowadays are awarded primary custody [in my country] to the parent who spent the most time with them, who took care of them.

In the US if it's not like this, you at least will be awarded joint custody.

She can't fight it, you need to be a hard druggy with jail sentences to lose them.

When kids grow up they can request that they stay primarily with a certain parent.

It's imperative that you take them too and show them a calm, serious, environment.

Bottom line, you need a good lawyer.

- a broken system.

Yes, the system is broken but herein lies the advantage.

I've been on this forum for more than 1yr now and i've seen quite a few cases.

You know what i noticed ?

If you came to this forum for advice, you are interested and not passive.

You will get good advice.

I also noticed that there is a difference in how men and women react to this.

Women [sorry to say this ladies] are more emotional but their support system is in place by way of family/NOW. Women are more social than men ...

Men on the other hand, if they get their **** together can get very organized and stick to a plan because they know that the odds are stacked against them, that motivates them.

In court, women are allowed to get away with more stuff than men, so men with good lawyers know not to annoy the judge or disrespect him/her.

- when a woman says she is gone, she will always have something setup.

Either a place to stay, some protection, talked to a lawyer, a new relationship or just a plan.

Women will never go to a D without having everything setup, it's just their nature.

- women get lots of information from their friends/family which still buy into the mentality that they get everything 'take him to the cleaners girl ... girl powah@', from a material pov.

This works agains them, if you get a good lawyer.

 

This is one of the times when you should not spare expenses, so get a good lawyer.

You were given awesome advice in this thread, and one of the best is carhill's ... his advice while looking simple is an awesome strategy.

Stop thinking that your wife hurt you, she did you a major favour.

She did this to you now, not when your business was taking off.

And when you get the kids ... spend as much time as possible with them.

She again did you a major favour by limiting your time with them.

You will see that with limited time you will try to cram as much as possible activities, it will all be quality time.

 

PS: The college fund advice was awesome, make it work ... not only it will help your kids, but it will also win you brownie points with the judge.

[Chi townD]

Dude, really simple. Just let the courts dictate what is a fair amount from the income that you are earning. I understand that you want to do right by your kids, but you have to live too.

 

She has the house, the kids and a boyfriend she's banging. There's no reason for you to be living out of a cardboard box or out of your car or a friends couch for a ridiculous amount of money she's demanding from you.

 

Oh, and don't tell her anything about what your future goals are. As far as she's concerned. You're just a carpenter. If she finds out that you're making a dollar more a year, I guarantee you she's going to drag you into court for an adjustment.

[frozensprouts]

Many of "these women" are actually "nuts" for lack of a better word, technically BPD or bipolar or whatnot in many cases.

 

Look at the insane behavior that's being described in many of these women. Drugs, alcohol, self-destructive behavior, going with a series of abuser boyfriends.....it always seems they're leaving a hard working guy who they find is dull and boring (because he's always working his butt off to bring in money for the family; fixing stuff around the house; being a good dad with his kids). That's all "adult" stuff, "responsible" stuff, and gee, it's "booorrrrrinnnngggggg". You know, you guys are "fulfilling your obligations", and we all know how bad "obligations" are! (Like sex with your husband--what a horrible "obligation"!_

 

I really think a lot of these women are just snakes in the grass who for reasons only they know deliberately "target" hard working responsible guys for the "family side" of their lives, but they ALWAYS harbor these inner demons, just hide it from their husbands for a while.

 

It's like they hop off the c8ck carousel for a few years to get a hard working guy, knock out a couple of brats, get a house and some marital assets, then their 2 or 3 or 5 or 7 year itch (and we know what part of tha anatomy needs to be scratched!) goes off, and they just hop right back on that carousel, and all the things that go with it.

 

They have exactly the same attitude towards their spousal and parental obligations being expressed towards marital sex in Robert Z's thread--the attitude of petulant, spoiled, entitled children. Even the word "obligation" fills them with hatred and resentment towards their responsible husband, ther perceived "father figure."

 

I would not be surprised at all if every single one of the women who behave this way have very severe "daddy issues."

 

 

what about the men who act that way...it's not a male or female thing, it's a people being jerks thing

[DuckSoup]

what about the men who act that way...it's not a male or female thing, it's a people being jerks thing

 

The OP wasn't married to a man.

 

Stop thread jacking.

[nofool4u]

Oh, and as far as the title of this thead about the cheating wife having options, its only because you are allowing her to be in the home without paying you your entitled half of the equity, and all the assets.

 

She doesn't have as many options as she thinks, which is why you need a lawyer to write up just what is owed to you that she kept.