Time to start NC...

[Dblock10]

what was on her phone?

 

cause tbh you didnt give her a chance to think about stuff on her trip.. but i know waiting would be awful and not fair for someone to say that. but then a month isnt like 6 months or a year..

 

just seems like you jumped the gun a bit? your last txt said you were done with it finally.. why would anyone reach out after getting that message? and she let you know she would think about it, so that was the time to be nice and supportive but you went into self destruct mode.. :S

 

i kind of did a similar thing because feelings and not knowing makes you go mad.

 

it seems like you want her to reach out but you told her not to. its a 50 50 thing really, one person cant and shouldn't do all the work i agree.

 

 

i think if you want this with her you should send another message apologise for that other message and see if you can get a ball rolling if thats what you want. i know your adamant on not contacting but depends how long you want to stay in a semi limbo

[Jono85]

what was on her phone?

 

cause tbh you didnt give her a chance to think about stuff on her trip.. but i know waiting would be awful and not fair for someone to say that. but then a month isnt like 6 months or a year..

 

just seems like you jumped the gun a bit? your last txt said you were done with it finally.. why would anyone reach out after getting that message? and she let you know she would think about it, so that was the time to be nice and supportive but you went into self destruct mode.. :S

 

i kind of did a similar thing because feelings and not knowing makes you go mad.

 

it seems like you want her to reach out but you told her not to. its a 50 50 thing really, one person cant and shouldn't do all the work i agree.

 

 

i think if you want this with her you should send another message apologise for that other message and see if you can get a ball rolling if thats what you want. i know your adamant on not contacting but depends how long you want to stay in a semi limbo

 

on her phone, basically was first weekend we broke up she hooked up with a guy that she previously dated (3 dates) when we last brokeup. well at that time she said she heard he just wnated sex, and blew him off cuz she's not like that. well that very first weekend she went back to his place after running into him at the bar, and he smooth-talked her into making her believe he cared for her and isn't a douchebag at all, etc etc. well she told her friend via text that "nothing happened" but they slept together (ie. in same bed) so i know things happened, but maybe not sex since i doubt she'd lie to her best friend but who knows. anyway she obviously didn't think it was a mistake cuz she asked him on a date 2 days later, to which he essentially blew her off. she was telling her friend how bad it made her feel cuz she'd never been rejected by a guy before. so she legitmately was crushing on this guy after 1 f***ing night?

 

well after him, she later sent a sexy photo (no nudity tho) to another guy, a photo she made for me no less. a guy i had issues with every now and then when we were together b/c they would talk and one time i caught her flirting with him and that is why we broke up for couple months before (she tried lying about it/covering it up and i lost trust for her). anyway long story short i realized she may have done this b/c of how i never once reciprocated an I Love You throughout our whole relationship (this is what she pleaded to me to believe, as she apologized profusely for slipping up and flirting behind my back...said she did it b/c she wasn't confident about my feelings etc), and basically never gave her what she desired from a lover (the emotional commitment part). so i expressed all of that finally as i realized i loved her tremendously. this is when she was hesitant and didn't take me back right awya and dated that douchebag dude a few times. she finally caved and came crawling back missing me. well that lasted 2 weeks until our latest breakup.

 

anywayyy (rambling here). i was just devestated to see while going through her phone that throughout those 3 weeks, she practically never talked about me to he friends, but all these other guys. it's like she didn't miss me. i dunno...i just feel like she doesn't love me anymore. if she did why has it ben 2 months (including europe) and she hasn't taken me back or expressed a desire to?

 

to ur other points...a part of me feels ur right. BUT, at the same time...since i wrote her that, it's been almost 4 weeks. i agree i didn't give her the full month like we talked about, and that's not fair, BUT she's had all this time now and still hasn't reached out to me. if she wanted to try things again and missed me a ton, why not reach out?? she knows i was really hurt. and that's why i did what i did. why can't she try talking to me?

 

and yeah, i WAS going mad. that's why i felt i had to end things and stop trying. i was going crazy. but i feel like if she's just willing to let me go like that...then really is that who i want to chase after? i dunno. maybe i'm thinking about things backwards or in the wrong manner. i def should have waited till after the trip, but whats done is done, and i'm not sure i'm ready to get rejected again.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Jono85

[Dblock10]

on her phone, basically was first weekend we broke up she hooked up with a guy that she previously dated (3 dates) when we last brokeup. well at that time she said she heard he just wnated sex, and blew him off cuz she's not like that. well that very first weekend she went back to his place after running into him at the bar, and he smooth-talked her into making her believe he cared for her and isn't a douchebag at all, etc etc. well she told her friend via text that "nothing happened" but they slept together (ie. in same bed) so i know things happened, but maybe not sex since i doubt she'd lie to her best friend but who knows. anyway she obviously didn't think it was a mistake cuz she asked him on a date 2 days later, to which he essentially blew her off. she was telling her friend how bad it made her feel cuz she'd never been rejected by a guy before. so she legitmately was crushing on this guy after 1 f***ing night?

 

well after him, she later sent a sexy photo (no nudity tho) to another guy, a photo she made for me no less. a guy i had issues with every now and then when we were together b/c they would talk and one time i caught her flirting with him and that is why we broke up for couple months before (she tried lying about it/covering it up and i lost trust for her). anyway long story short i realized she may have done this b/c of how i never once reciprocated an I Love You throughout our whole relationship (this is what she pleaded to me to believe, as she apologized profusely for slipping up and flirting behind my back...said she did it b/c she wasn't confident about my feelings etc), and basically never gave her what she desired from a lover (the emotional commitment part). so i expressed all of that finally as i realized i loved her tremendously. this is when she was hesitant and didn't take me back right awya and dated that douchebag dude a few times. she finally caved and came crawling back missing me. well that lasted 2 weeks until our latest breakup.

 

anywayyy (rambling here). i was just devestated to see while going through her phone that throughout those 3 weeks, she practically never talked about me to he friends, but all these other guys. it's like she didn't miss me. i dunno...i just feel like she doesn't love me anymore. if she did why has it ben 2 months (including europe) and she hasn't taken me back or expressed a desire to?

 

to ur other points...a part of me feels ur right. BUT, at the same time...since i wrote her that, it's been almost 4 weeks. i agree i didn't give her the full month like we talked about, and that's not fair, BUT she's had all this time now and still hasn't reached out to me. if she wanted to try things again and missed me a ton, why not reach out?? she knows i was really hurt. and that's why i did what i did. why can't she try talking to me?

 

and yeah, i WAS going mad. that's why i felt i had to end things and stop trying. i was going crazy. but i feel like if she's just willing to let me go like that...then really is that who i want to chase after? i dunno. maybe i'm thinking about things backwards or in the wrong manner. i def should have waited till after the trip, but whats done is done, and i'm not sure i'm ready to get rejected again.

 

 

 

well its a lot more clear to me that you ARE and HAVE done the right things bud.

 

no one should put up with that kind of behaviour, its like shes always put you on hold time and time again for other guys.. and she probably did do something with the guy maybe not sex, otherwise he would sure be meeting her again..

 

there was nothing on her phone about you because she knew you'd always just be there.. you were an easy option to her.

 

from what you have said, regardless of that txt you sent, you did the right thing and were true to yourself, i respect that. especially when you said if she's willing to drop you just like that then really is that who you want to chase after.. i need to think this way to.

 

i think given the situation not waiting was the right thing.. she clearly has been indecisive about you from the get go, and im sure you dont want to be treated like that.. it should be you calling the shots making her wait.

[Chi townD]

26 days now..

 

i'm actually surprised to be honest she hasn't contacted me. reality seems to be sinking in quite quickly. she's been home all of august, almost 2 weeks, and hasn't contacted me.

 

 

To be honest, we preach on here that our silence speaks volumes. Well, the same can be said for the dumper. If they don't contact you at all, then they really never gave a damn about you. So much so, that they could care less in trying to put you in the "friend zone".

 

Time to heal and move on dude. I don't know what it is with Ex's, but they have an internal radar. As soon as you start moving on and start feeling good about yourself, THAT'S when they contact you. You need to be strong.

[Jono85]

well its a lot more clear to me that you ARE and HAVE done the right things bud.

 

no one should put up with that kind of behaviour, its like shes always put you on hold time and time again for other guys.. and she probably did do something with the guy maybe not sex, otherwise he would sure be meeting her again..

 

there was nothing on her phone about you because she knew you'd always just be there.. you were an easy option to her.

 

from what you have said, regardless of that txt you sent, you did the right thing and were true to yourself, i respect that. especially when you said if she's willing to drop you just like that then really is that who you want to chase after.. i need to think this way to.

 

i think given the situation not waiting was the right thing.. she clearly has been indecisive about you from the get go, and im sure you dont want to be treated like that.. it should be you calling the shots making her wait.

 

pretty much. i'm just so utterly shocked that she hasnt reached out. it hurts more than i ever imagined. she really just doesn't care anymore. i never did anything nasty to her, never lied, nor cheated. i comforted her whenever she was hurt and was there for her. the amount of tears i sat through comforting this girl in a 1 year span is beyond ridiculous, but i cared so much about her. and now when i'm hurting, when she realizes she doesn't love me or want me anymore, she just abandons me and takes the easy out. no goodbye, no "i still really care about u but for whatever reason i don't want to be together anymore...", just nothing. i'm not even worth a f*cking email? i've been crying every other day or so...it's been rough. still can't wrap my head around her just dropping off the face of the earth and being content with me not being in her life. she was the one who pushed for so long, who told me how much she loved me and wanted to be the only girl ever in my life blah blah blah...f*ck u bitch.

 

i'm at the point where if she comes back crying and realizing what she's lost, i'm going to tell her to go f*ck herself. the pain she's caused me cannot possible be just forgotten or let go. it simply can't. she's ruined it all.

[Jono85]

To be honest, we preach on here that our silence speaks volumes. Well, the same can be said for the dumper. If they don't contact you at all, then they really never gave a damn about you. So much so, that they could care less in trying to put you in the "friend zone".

 

Time to heal and move on dude. I don't know what it is with Ex's, but they have an internal radar. As soon as you start moving on and start feeling good about yourself, THAT'S when they contact you. You need to be strong.

 

yeah had another ex do that too. contact me right around the time i had gotten over her. never gave her another chance and never wanted to. hopefully get to that place soon with this one. i'm already at the place where i don't want to give her another chance at least in the near future (ie. rest of this year).

 

 

k thanks for the support guys. i'm gonna take a break from LS. i feel like there's no point to keep coming here while i'm trying to heal. it just perpetuates the thinking about her. my birthday is in about 3 weeks, so gonna wait till after it to maybe come back. or if there's an update with her contacting me, and u cna bet i'll be ignoring it, i'll still come back and report it here. thanks again guys, gl with ur own sh*t.

[Jono85]

so i'm approaching 8 weeks of NC, a week shy of 2 months.

 

i was doing pretty good for a little while over the past couple weeks b/c i'm actually currently dating a couple girls right now (to be honest i don't see them as gf material, but who knows if they grow on me, my ex certainly did), buttt, my birthday came and went this past friday with no contact from the ex. i was so busy this past weekend i didn't dwell on it all too much (was definitely very aware of it tho, even on the day). i gave her less than a 15% chance of contacting me, so i certainly wasn't really expecting it, but def hoping for it. yesterday morning, and last night, it all hit me like a ton of bricks. i balled my eyes out in my bed for a bit, felt really crappy. was highly debating reaching out to her seeking the final bit of closure, but wisely (i suppose) thought against it.

 

it's just so hard to fathom that she just doesn't care about me in the slightest anymore. it really is. i wish she gave me any kind of closure, instead of just ignoring my last goodbye/text. i know i told her to please not bother me anymore etc, but she could have at least told me that i meant a ton to her even though she thought it was best we go our separate ways blah blah blah. but i guess that's just me seeking some sort of validation that i was important to her and this is actually a little tough on her.

 

i'll admit, that i'm absolutely shocked she hasn't contacted me yet. for the majority of our relationship she was extremely needy. our other major breakup (3 months) she couldn't last a week without contacting me in some form, finally leaving a voicemail on my phone about how much she missed me and wanted things back etc. that was 2 weeks before our last/final breakup. amazing how quick things change.

 

anyhow, i'm going to continue riding it out, it's all i can do/control.

 

i had my first sexual encounter this weekend as well. girl was quitee sexy, and it was pretty intense (i met her at work last week, and basically picked her up as many other guys failed, so the ego boost was nice) but all i could think about after was my ex. quite normal i'm willing to guess.

 

think i need to just start reminding myself of all the bad times and fights we had, as right now all i seem to be reminiscing about are the things i absolutely adored/loved about her and how those qualities will likely be absent forever in future girlfriends. it sucks. but i'm still optimistic that i'll get through this, i know i will. i've done it before.

 

time to continue focusing on myself and just dealing.

[Jono85]

i know no one's really following this anymore but still wanting to update this periodically to track any progress or setbacks.

 

tmrw marks 8 weeks since my last contact to her (and her to me). crazy, that's almost 60 days. before this latest breakup, our longest period without talking might have been a week, during a previous breakup.

 

i'm very proud of myself for sticking through this and being strong with not contacting her. even when i have a million questions and things to say to her that i haven't accepted yet.

 

i'm realizing i'm not in the position to be dating right now. at least not to the girls i'm dating anyway. i think subconsciously i've realized they aren't girls i'd like to have a relationship with, but am prolonging contact with them b/c i'm so lonely and still very fragile. have already started distancing, and might have a talk with the more serious one soon.

 

in terms of my journey to getting over vanessa, i have a few new goals.

 

GOAL #1: to keep with NC (at least not initiating anyway...may need to re-evaluate IF she tries to persistently talk to me, but at this point my logic tells me that's never happening) until Jan 18th. That will be 6 months. right now i'm a week away from just 2 months. 1/3rd of the way there. I hope by then I'll be in a muchhh better mind state and taking on life without this crap weighing me down so much.

 

GOAL #2: not only NC until Jan 18th...but STRICT NC, which means NO MORE FACEBOOK CREEPING. I haven't been holding this end of the bargain unfortunately. i guess b/c letting go is so hard, and there's a part of me that wants to see something bad (her with another guy in profile pic) to get more closure. i've yet to see anything. her profile pic has actually verrry strangely been the same for almost the last month (just a lovely pic of her by herself with a gorgious view in the background from her trip to Europe, most likely from England). but enough is enough. my bday has come and gone, with no contact. it's time to start letting go, forceably. if i can commit so strongly to not contacting her, surely i can commit to not checking her or her friends facebook pages. it's time to not give a sh-t what she's up to or who she's dating etc. bottom line is she doesn't want to be with me anymore and most likely isn't even thinking about me. it hurts, tremendously. but so is reality.

 

GOAL #3: i was doing good for a while avoiding LoveShack forums, and although it didn't work wonders necessarily, i do think it helps to stop dwelling on the relationship. i think i will take another break; a bigger one. possible even trying to not visit the break up forums for months. maybe i'll visit the dating forums if i meet someone i really start to crush on, but we'll see. just want to stay away from the break up forum, specifically. reading a lot of these threads just perpetuate my hope that she'll eventually contact me or make me analyze what went wrong in the relationship. it's fruitless now. it starts to hinder growth.

 

GOAL #4: been reading a lot of self-help books lately/motivational material. want to continue with this. figure out who i am, and what i purpose is here. figure out my core beliefs, core values, and start living my life with conviction and a more direction/certainty. i've been coasting for too long. i enrolled in a finance course starting in october, and plan on taking my CFA level 1 exam next june. i also need to finish my undergrad next year as i'm only a few credits short of graduating. it's time to put in the hard work, on myself, to reach my potential. i firmly believe this breakup, and even the actual relationship i was in, would have gone MUCH more smoother if i was happier with myself and life/situation. i really do. i haven't loved myself like i need to for so long, and it really hurts relationships. even when she was the one head over heels in love with me, and i was the one who wasn't certain, and wanting to break up with her, i was not really happy. happiness really does come from within. i've had multiple girls love me and shower me with attention (both girls would later break my heart) and both times i was not really truly happy as much as i should have been, b/c i still wasn't happy with myself. i need to get to that point; start accomplishing the things i know i can, start making my parents and friends proud of me again, and i know with that happiness will allow for much healthier relationships in the future. the rest of this year, 3.5 months, will be dedicated to putting in work to attaining these things.

 

 

k, will update at some future point. i will also update IF the ex ever reaches out, but as i've said, i'm no longer expecting it. well a small part of me expects something within the next 4 months, but the way these last 2 months have been, and how i've been shocked at her lack of contact/care, i really shouldn't be surprised not to hear from her again, period. nor should i need to!