goodguy85 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 It's been over a month since my ex-girlfriend has moved out and broke up with me. I'm 31 she's 28 and we were in 1 year and a half relationship. 7 months living. We had IMO a great relationship, at least once a week we went out for dinner. I cooked her dinners every other day, breakfast every weekend morning, walked the dogs when she was tired, I paid 80% percent of the bills, always met her sexual needs. A month before the breakup, I''ve had to kick start some studying for my bar exam and had been very distant and acting like a zombie and not doing the lovey dovey stuff I normally did. 1 week after intense studying, I tried to get back into normal mode, but she seemed a little hurt but we went back to our normal routine. But then she sat me down and told me she found a new place and is leaving me. No trying to work out our issues. Ive acted maturely, gave her space, never argued and no contact, but she knew I was heartbroken. Even her family, who love me and say I was the best thing to ever happen to her, were upset at her. I contacted her recently (3 days ago) to apologize if I've distressed her, and it wasnt and hasnt been easy for me to comprehend how things fell apart so fast with no communication on her end. She said that really sorry but she feel like she made the right move at least for herself. Her gut was telling her that I wasn't with the right person for her. The only thing that she wished for me for the future is that I will be more open and affectionate and help people to feel comfortable talking to me. She said she's made some mistakes (Sidenote: she's always making mistakes and I've helped her overcome a plethora of them) but she would have tried harder if she didn't have that gut feeling. She says she tries and always listen to that feeling because it has usually been right (Mostly not). This week. I'm starting to go on dates (slowly) and hanging with my friends to feel better,and trying to keep busy, but she texted me and said that our dogs should hang out once a week since my dog lost his pack leader and hasnt been eating or energetic like his usual self. this "gut" feeling IMO feels like a terrible move in her part, but how do i let go and not give in to false hope?
penguin23 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 You list all these things that you did for her but there's nothing in there about what she actually did for you. There's nothing you could have done differently. I don't think it was just you studying and acting like a zombie for 1 week...I think this gut feeling was something she was feeling for awhile. I don't think it's such a good idea to have your dogs hang out. NC should be NC. Of course the gut feeling feels like a "terrible move on her part" to you because you don't agree with the breakup. But realize that she just wasn't feeling the same way as you and understand there is nothing that you can do to make her feel the way you do. (I should really keep reminding myself that one too!) Good luck:)
macardent Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) It's been over a month since my ex-girlfriend has moved out and broke up with me. I'm 31 she's 28 and we were in 1 year and a half relationship. 7 months living. We had IMO a great relationship, at least once a week we went out for dinner. I cooked her dinners every other day, breakfast every weekend morning, walked the dogs when she was tired, I paid 80% percent of the bills, always met her sexual needs. A month before the breakup, I''ve had to kick start some studying for my bar exam and had been very distant and acting like a zombie and not doing the lovey dovey stuff I normally did. 1 week after intense studying, I tried to get back into normal mode, but she seemed a little hurt but we went back to our normal routine. But then she sat me down and told me she found a new place and is leaving me. No trying to work out our issues. Ive acted maturely, gave her space, never argued and no contact, but she knew I was heartbroken. Even her family, who love me and say I was the best thing to ever happen to her, were upset at her. I contacted her recently (3 days ago) to apologize if I've distressed her, and it wasnt and hasnt been easy for me to comprehend how things fell apart so fast with no communication on her end. She said that really sorry but she feel like she made the right move at least for herself. Her gut was telling her that I wasn't with the right person for her. The only thing that she wished for me for the future is that I will be more open and affectionate and help people to feel comfortable talking to me. She said she's made some mistakes (Sidenote: she's always making mistakes and I've helped her overcome a plethora of them) but she would have tried harder if she didn't have that gut feeling. She says she tries and always listen to that feeling because it has usually been right (Mostly not). This week. I'm starting to go on dates (slowly) and hanging with my friends to feel better,and trying to keep busy, but she texted me and said that our dogs should hang out once a week since my dog lost his pack leader and hasnt been eating or energetic like his usual self. this "gut" feeling IMO feels like a terrible move in her part, but how do i let go and not give in to false hope? She lost attraction. I guess only sees you as a friend. My ex of 7 months left me for nothing. I begged, that was a toxic breakup though. The last text she sent me was She had a gut feeling and I went ahead and proved her right. Leave her, move on. Someone who leaves you over a gut feeling does not deserve you. She doesn't think you are the one for her! Then its her lost. If she can't be with you when you are a little busy with your issues i.e. your exam. Then she don't deserve you. What if you are married to this girl and loose both of your legs in an accident. She'll get up and leave! She only misses your company. I don't really want to put ideas in your head and make you go crazy but she is definitely seeing other people or if not she thinks whatever is wrong with her life is because of you. So she wanted to get away. Let her go. Don't ever take her back my friend. "BE A MAN!" She hurt your pride by leaving you. Don't even pickup her phone or reply to her unless she is in some serious trouble. Don't worry about false hopes and stuff. Just think of it as your decision to not ever talk to her again and not be with her again. NC forever. It'll be painful but you'll get there and it'll feel much better if you don't mess-up your self respect by talking to her or biting her breadcrumbs. Just my opinion. Edited July 18, 2012 by macardent
carhill Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 OP, my sympathies. This is one of those learning situations. It's really good information. In the future, do what you do, like you exemplified in your OP, and proactively leave women who are not showing you the appreciation or love you feel you deserve. Don't waffle around. Communicate and leave. You see how she did it? That's how it goes these days. Adapt or die. Definitely don't compromise who you are at the altar of a relationship. Your 'gut feeling' matters too. Good luck.
k100danny Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 That GUT feeling is usually right, there is some reason she is feeling this, it isn't a mistake and you can't say it is a mistake because you have no bearing on how she feels. This gut feeling is when you know something isn't right, even if you can't put your finger on it. If it was a small issue that could be worked out and she felt that way about you then she would work it out. This sounds harsh but it is true, I have had this gut feeling before and tried to get past it but in the end it hasnt worked out. If something isn't feeling right to you it's time to take note of this. You may have helped her through soe of her issues and that is great for you but remember she doesnt OWE you anything, it was nice of you to stand by her but for whatever reason she isn't feeling that way about you anymore. This is a hard thing to accept I know but it will get easier with time and you shouldn't blame yourself.
Author goodguy85 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Thank you all for the words of wisdom. It really does help uncloud the false hope visions. However the part that is debilitating is her trying to be part of my dogs life and stating we have to put our differences aside for the dogs. It feels like its indirectly not trying to let go of our once together life. Do women not feel remorse and know that dumping a guy and trying to be in one's peripheral is unhealthy for all parties ( dogs included) or am I just being obtuse?
penguin23 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Do women not feel remorse and know that dumping a guy and trying to be in one's peripheral is unhealthy for all parties ( dogs included) or am I just being obtuse? I think it doesn't have much to do with her being a woman. I think she's just trying to have it all her way and not worrying about what's best for you. Do what's right for you.
carhill Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 OP, simply enforce your boundaries. Her contact at this time is unhealthy for you so eliminate it. She made a choice. Choices have consequences.
k100danny Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Although she knows it's probably the right thing to do she is probably finding it hard to fully let go also. she may just be thinking of the dogs aswell. Just because she broke up with you doesn't mean she isn't hurting or finding it hard too, that doesn't mean she made the wrong decision though.
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