Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 How would you interpret this if it's in someone's "what are you looking for" part. No dating or relationships. Isn't it weird? I feel like this person is maybe hiding something or perhaps has a wife or a serious girlfriend. I guess if their SO saw the profile, the guy could always say that he is just looking for "new friends" Am I too cynical?
SmileFace Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I have a really good guy friend who I met on OKC. I think his profile says only looking for friends. We use to try new restaurants together and have known each other for about a 2 years. Neither of us has friend zoned each other and are just friends. However he moved away this year but we still keep in touch via fb and text. Plus now I have a reason to visit the midwest. It didnt turn out to be a hidden agenda.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I have a really good guy friend who I met on OKC. I think his profile says only looking for friends. We use to try new restaurants together and have known each other for about a 2 years. Neither of us has friend zoned each other and are just friends. However he moved away this year but we still keep in touch via fb and text. Plus now I have a reason to visit the midwest. It didnt turn out to be a hidden agenda. Perhaps I will give it a go then
SmileFace Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Perhaps I will give it a go then However I was lucky... most guys just want to bang. No hidden agenda there either.
without Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Like in fb? They put in what are you looking for "friends" ? I don't mind that, unless I see some other suspicious thing from the guy. Yeah I am too skeptical, too. But I was never wrong so... oops now I saw you're talking about OKC.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I asked him to clarify and this was his response: As for 'new friends', well I'll be honest and say I'm hedging my bets. I figured if I meet someone online and there's that certain synergy, well who am I to fight progress, but if not I come away with some new friends. I'm not really looking for casual sex, but I suspect that's not what you're looking for either!
RedRobin Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 The people I know who do this tend to be the type who either a) just want a FWB arrangement b) want to get to know someone really well before having sex c) They want some time to assess how they feel about someone (ie friend or romance) before assuming anything. d) They are in a transitional phase in their lives, but don't want to be devoid of all social interaction. A few conversations or a meeting would help you assess which one it is. 2
RedRobin Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I asked him to clarify and this was his response: As for 'new friends', well I'll be honest and say I'm hedging my bets. I figured if I meet someone online and there's that certain synergy, well who am I to fight progress, but if not I come away with some new friends. I'm not really looking for casual sex, but I suspect that's not what you're looking for either! Just saw this. He is likely a) or c). One way to find out is ask a few questions about his relationship history and what he is looking for long term. The guys I know who are c) are looking for marriage and certainly LTR, but don't want to say that up front. They tend to be more like shy guys IRL (who are the type you like )
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) Personally I had mine set to "New friends" for several reasons: - When I wanted to reduce incoming messages - Avoid the overzealous biological clock ticking LTR women searching for a random husband and children in five days so they want to hit the ground running with the interview and meeting process - If I was interested in someone I would message/find them, I don't necessarily need to be pursued - Not very active on OKC but don't want to take the profile down (It's better than linking someone your FB) - Have the profile up because of people you know/friends/acquaintances you chatted with but never met IRL due to distance or what not on OKC - Personally I used to write many journals there (was probably one of the main contributors) so there was like a community of people who would do that on there but now the features all but dead And finally It because you weren't looking to jump into a relationship. Most of my life I've found myself in one relationship to the next, or dating someone by chance without even looking for it. I wanted to meet people and get to know them without rushing in like I was prone to do once all the fires were lit inside of me...I have to quell the fires and sometimes I need mentally make an environment that reminds me to do that as I'm typically just a passionate guy that goes after what he wants and It's as simple as that, I know the type of woman that's going to send me flying off the handlebars....I just wanted to be a "regular guy" and have regular hit and misses like the normal folk instead of at the speed of light. However be aware that "friends" for men is a very loose term, It can quickly turn a corner...but that's why you don't meet them If you really want to stay friends or try to. Edited July 18, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
irc333 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 There's this one woman that's admittedly "Happily Married' on OK Cupid, I sent her an email questioning the reason for being on the site, and can't she just "get out of the house" like a normal person to meet people? She said her husband is even aware of her presence on the site, and she says she's never met a man in person face to face. I find it very odd. It's probably frustrating to most men because she's very attractive...and keeps her pictures updated frequently. How would you interpret this if it's in someone's "what are you looking for" part. No dating or relationships. Isn't it weird? I feel like this person is maybe hiding something or perhaps has a wife or a serious girlfriend. I guess if their SO saw the profile, the guy could always say that he is just looking for "new friends" Am I too cynical?
Sugarkane Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 There's this one woman that's admittedly "Happily Married' on OK Cupid, I sent her an email questioning the reason for being on the site, and can't she just "get out of the house" like a normal person to meet people? She said her husband is even aware of her presence on the site, and she says she's never met a man in person face to face. I find it very odd. It's probably frustrating to most men because she's very attractive...and keeps her pictures updated frequently. She sounds like shes lying
tigressA Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm skeptical of men looking only for 'new friends' if they also have 'looking for' ONLY women in their age group, who are also single. Like we don't know what you're really after. There are people who have 'new friends/long distance penpals' listed and their other criteria is more broad--looking for people of both sexes, located anywhere, with any relationship status. That is what I would consider really looking for new friends. But still, the question must be asked...why would you want to try to find friends on a dating site? 1
irc333 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm skeptical of men looking only for 'new friends' if they also have 'looking for' ONLY women in their age group, who are also single. Like we don't know what you're really after. There are people who have 'new friends/long distance penpals' listed and their other criteria is more broad--looking for people of both sexes, located anywhere, with any relationship status. That is what I would consider really looking for new friends. But still, the question must be asked...why would you want to try to find friends on a dating site? I've already asked her that, apparently since the option is available as a feature on the site (ie - pen pals, friends), they can do it....plain and simple. Personally, I think it's just the dating sites method of getting traffic to it as a means of residual income, probably a desperate attempt rather on the business owner's part. But it defeats the purpose if you have it entitled "Dating site" with hearts and cupids all over it.
RedRobin Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 One of the things I liked about OkC was it's completely open atmosphere... friends, dating, casual sex, polamory, "seeing someone", "available'... Yes, I realize all of those terms are open to interpretation... but I also believe it gave people alot of leeway to explore and find what was best for them. Going into it though, one has to have a pretty clear cut idea what they are looking for.
RedRobin Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 However be aware that "friends" for men is a very loose term, It can quickly turn a corner... Wisdom.... Same goes for some women.....
Leopard Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Not at all! I feel the exact same way. When guys ask me that, I feel so on the spot. As if they want to know right away how many babies we will have and how soon we will marry. Bleh! I find it unattractive too. It's a turn off for me. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I will meet him but I am still a bit weirded out by the friends thing. He is smart and has a good sense of humor - we will see
chphan Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 How would you interpret this if it's in someone's "what are you looking for" part. No dating or relationships. Isn't it weird? I feel like this person is maybe hiding something or perhaps has a wife or a serious girlfriend. I guess if their SO saw the profile, the guy could always say that he is just looking for "new friends" Am I too cynical? Well I have it set to new friends, activity partner, short term and long term dating. And it doesn't mean I'm looking to bang someone seeing as how you never know what kind of person you actually end up with when meeting. This way I start off with no expectation and just consider the person I'm meeting as a new friend. That way there's no pressure on me. That's not to say I'm not open to being more than friends. As far as I can tell everyone pretty much has those criteria except for the activity partner which some female users don't want.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Well I have it set to new friends, activity partner, short term and long term dating. And it doesn't mean I'm looking to bang someone seeing as how you never know what kind of person you actually end up with when meeting. This way I start off with no expectation and just consider the person I'm meeting as a new friend. That way there's no pressure on me. That's not to say I'm not open to being more than friends. As far as I can tell everyone pretty much has those criteria except for the activity partner which some female users don't want. You misunderstood. This guy has ONLY set it to "new friends", nothing else on the list.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 How would you interpret this if it's in someone's "what are you looking for" part. No dating or relationships. Isn't it weird? I feel like this person is maybe hiding something or perhaps has a wife or a serious girlfriend. I guess if their SO saw the profile, the guy could always say that he is just looking for "new friends" Am I too cynical? When I had an OKC account I put "new friends" along with dating. Mostly because I didn't want to look like some kind of creep. Whenever I see it on a girl's profile I ignore it and write her a message anyway. I figure she can deal with the mix up if one occurs.
chphan Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Hmm okay yeah if it's set to only friends than that is a bit odd seeing as he's seeking out a female friend. But if I were to guess he probably set it for the same reason as me but leaving out the short term or long term dating. He probably does want to date but wants to fall back on the ONLY Friends setting if you aren't want he had in mind and just say I'm not expecting anything but only friends in-case he needs to turn you down.
It's Just Me Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 The vagueness of the categories/field descriptions always annoyed me with online dating sites. What meant one thing to one person often meant something completely different to another person. When doing a search, I always excluded those who were looking for friends or activity partners - I already had plenty of those. Case in point: I have no kids, and didn't want to have any. So, I put myself in the "Does Not Want Children" category. Then I realized that some guys took this to mean that I didn't want to date someone WITH children, which wasn't the case. Some men chose "Casual Dating" to define themselves. One I spoke to said he wasn't looking for anything long-term. Another told me that he chose that category as a means to an end - a long-term, committed relationship, but it had to start somewhere. Drove me crazy.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I remember having a 6 week long fling with a guy who was looking for "just friends" years ago. It was from another site. We weren't just friends at all, and started pretty hot and heavy from date 1 - the exact opposite of "just friends". He explained that sometimes attraction is not there for him and he hated rejecting people.
Leopard Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 ES, you are very pretty. And you seem to be a nice gal. I don't understand why you are resorting to online dating. If you are as sweet as you come off on LS, you should have men lining up at your feet. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 ES, you are very pretty. And you seem to be a nice gal. I don't understand why you are resorting to online dating. If you are as sweet as you come off on LS, you should have men lining up at your feet. Aw thanks I think I don't get out much. Most of my friends have settled down and I have no opportunities to meet men. I pretty much work and then just go home And yeah, quality of men on OLD sites is pretty horrible.
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