Kenniston85 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I have been with the same woman for 8 years. I was 19 and she was 18, Married for 3 of those years. Now going through a separation/divorce. We had an open relationship before we got married, after marriage we closed it off. Around February 2012 my wife asked about re-opening the relationship. Since we had previously been open and things worked out so well the previous 5 years I didn't see a problem with it. It wasn't until later that I realized that she had a specific person in mind by opening the marriage which looking back on it may have altered my decision. 3 months later one of my best freinds, who I later found out was a closet abuser, got into a fight with his wife and kicked her out of the house and threatened to kill his 2 children. Me and my wife took her in and while they went through the process of fighting and divorce I became very attached to her. I fought it hard for months. I kept telling myself I was just being stupid, there is no way I love her. I mean I really tried to beat it into my head to leave her alone and ignore my feelings and they would go away. One night my wife went so far as to encourage us to have sex (open marriage thing) in spite of my reservations and the awkwardness of how the subject came up long story short it happened. I couldn't keep lying to myself anymore. Eventually we started spending more time together and distance grew between me and my wife. I realized that there had already been distance especially when she brought open marriage up (hindsight is 20/20) Heres the deal. I love this girl, I love her 2 kids, I love everything about her. My wife wanted to be with another man but that started to fall through. Now she is an emotional wreck and though I am distant from her I still care about her well being. My role in it was agreeing to the open marriage in the first place (a mistake ill never make again) and I am sure I wasn't a great emotional support if she was willing to look outside the marriage. I had postulated that I was just infatuated with this woman but denying the love often brought me to tears. I watched the notebook and beyond allies beginning relationship with Noah during the early years I honestly felt alot like Allie being torn between what was logically valid and what the heart wanted. (I'm an emotional man leave me alone lol) I don't know what I want out of sharing my story other than the ability to talk to other people that can hopefully understand and offer some type of insight. While my mind is made up it doesn't make it any less painful.
tufa4311 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Need some more info. You say you are going through a divorce; are in an open marriage; your wife's open relationship fell through and now she's a wreck, etc - give us a timeline, who initiated the divorce (if she did, does she still want to. If you did, do you still want to), has your wife's feelings changed about the divorce since her open relationship ended, has yours, why do you now consider it being a mistake agreeing to the open marriage? Your mind is made up...about what? Details, need details....
Recommended Posts