She called me, still wants to talk. What is going on?

[SeventhFloor]

I'm a week and a half into the no contact principle. They got together two weeks after we "broke up," but she was still leading me on for a week while sleeping with him. She lied and cheated. They've been together a little over a week.

 

This is what happened.

 

A few days after they were official, she called my friend saying she'd like to talk to me for closure. This was a few days ago, I ignored it. This afternoon, she sends me a text saying she wants to tell me she is sorry, that I was a great boyfriend, and she apologizes for putting me through so much hardship. She says to tell her whether I'd like to talk and gain some peace, and that she would love the opportunity for closure. I ignored it and 3 hours later, she called - I ignored that too.

 

What is going on, LSers?

 

I was tempted to talk to her, but every time I think about it, I remember how their anniversary is the same day as ours.

[Frank13]

she called my friend saying she'd like to talk to me for closure.

 

What is going on, LSers?

 

 

As much as you are tempted, do not break NC. This is not even breadcrumbs. This is not even her saying she misses you. She just wants some closure so she can go off with her new bf and forget about you.

 

All she is looking for is to relieve her guilt. That is what is going on here. It is all about her. The way she left shows she is selfish and only cares about herself.

 

Everything is perfect for her with the exception of your forgiveness so she has closure. If you give her this, you will probably never hear from her again.

 

Keep your dignity and self respect and don't reply. I don't know if you are the type that is looking for revenge, but npt replying will do it.

[SeventhFloor]

Thank you for the reply, Frank. I believe you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

 

All she is looking for is to relieve her guilt. That is what is going on here. It is all about her. The way she left shows she is selfish and only cares about herself.

I agree. But then why would she acknowledge that I was a great guy to her, and want to apologize for what she put me through? Probably something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm not a bitch, don't think of me that way!"

 

Everything is perfect for her with the exception of your forgiveness so she has closure. If you give her this, you will probably never hear from her again.

When we were still "together," she listed things that were fundamentally "wrong" with him that made him not long-term relationship material (in all likelihood, these were lies). But doesn't her contacting me say things aren't perfect between them? That the gravity of her choice is finally hitting her? I mean, why bother even contacting me if she is truly happy - and if she thinks she made the right choice. Isn't this evidence of her doubting it?

 

I feel like not responding to her is just going to make her contact me again in the future for whatever reason. She is a big advocate of maintaining friendships with her exes, and when we were still talking, told me how she would "fight" for that. I doubt it's true.

 

Keep your dignity and self respect and don't reply. I don't know if you are the type that is looking for revenge, but npt replying will do it.

So she can continue feeling guilty for the way it ended, right? That's not necessarily my reason for not replying. I'd like to talk to her - I still have...whatever feelings I have for her. I'm still partially addicted to her, she was everything to me. But I won't talk to her because in reality, I have nothing to say. At this point what could I say? "You done goofed." No, I got the closure I needed when she jumped into bed with him a few days after "ending" it with me.

 

Their relationship started all wrong. He "stole" her from me, and was still messing around with me, what kind of foundation is that? At some point, it has to crumble. He'll refuse to think about what he did, because he wouldn't want to dwell on it - being a homewrecker, starting things with a girl who just got out of a relationship who is not in the right place, these realizations would make him feel like crap. She, however, must be thinking at some point how things got off entirely on the wrong foot. It won't make a difference, they'll still stay together, but won't that affect their relationship?

[SeventhFloor]

Can anyone offer a bit more insight on this?

[headonstraight]

Can anyone offer a bit more insight on this?

 

Maybe...

 

My ex GF dumped me in early-ish June (via email too!). She's reached out to me multiple times, once even leaving a voice-mail saying "give me a call back either way...like to see how you're doing." Yeah right...

 

This was after she'd been seeing a guy (she started seeing him ~3 days after our BU) for almost 2 weeks, although, I don't think she's aware that I know about this.

 

Did I fall for her BS and contact her back? Thought about it, but never did. I have been in full-on NC since and WILL NOT reach out to her. Not even to return her attempted contacts. I may have been born yesterday, but I wasn't born last night. I will never give her any molecule of satisfaction for the rest of my natural born life.

 

If she was dating the dude within 3 days, then I can't help but think that there was some form of contact, etc. during hers and my relationship. Towards the end of it, her availability was quite limited. I did the math.

 

She's an incredibly selfish woman, and I have absolutely no reason to ever speak to her again.

 

My point is, maybe you should let go. It takes incredible strength and courage, and discipline. But it is SOOOO worth it. It makes you even stronger and happier with time.

 

I am so sorry you have to deal with this - I'm right there with you.

[PainsChains]

I'm with you too, bro. Pretty much the same thing happened to me.

 

First off, you cannot talk to this girl right now. Don't let her say her piece or whatever. It's not going to go well for you. I was in the same position only I made the mistake of talking to my ex and she ripped my heart out with an extreme coldness. You should continue to ignore her and don't break NC for whatever reason. It's your best move, seriously.

 

My ex is 22. I dated her for exactly 1.5 years, just as you. But she left me for a guy she knew a week. She went out of town for a girl's night and the girl she stayed with was living in this guy's house. So that's how my ex met him, she was staying at his house the night they met... I don't even want to know what happened that night - I get sick just thinking about it... But when she came back in town she mostly ignored me for a week. She'd been basically living with me for 8 months at that point, spending every night at my house, so I knew something was up immediately. Then finally one night she broke up with me. But she did NOT tell me it was for another guy.

 

Anyway, she came and got her stuff and I was really nice to her and then I wrote this really sweet email. I was so dumb. Then after a little over a week of NC I saw her out one night and she told me she'd met someone (as if it had happened since our breakup). But she also told me she missed me and I told her I loved her and she ended up coming over and we had sex. We hung out romantically for three days straight and I did everything I could to show her I cared about her and then as soon as the weekend came on Friday she went straight to his house and spent the weekend with him! We had made plans for the night so on her way over there she called me on the phone and broke our plans and said she didn't want to talk to me again or see me again for at least a month. Then she hung up on me as I was saying "I Love You." It was pathetic.

 

So I grieved all weekend thinking it was over and then she called me Monday night as soon as she came back in town! I said wait, I thought you weren't going to call me for a month. She said, "What? No. I never said that." She said she'd been thinking about me all weekend. So I said did you have a change of heart? And she said, "I don't know, I just thought about you alot." Then she came over the next day which was a Tuesday and stayed with me through Friday again! She called him to end it with him that Thursday and I thought I'd gotten my girlfriend back. But then she locked herself in my bathroom to call him. She came out and told me he was going to come see her for the weekend because he wasn't going to let her end it with him and in reality he came and picked her up that Friday and took her back to his place and she spent that weekend with him too and didn't come back until the following Tuesday. That weekend while she was away she ignored ALL my texts and phone calls. And I was thinking we were together again lol.

 

As soon as she came back in town she called me and said pretty much exactly what your ex told you. I said why didn't you return my calls this weekend? She said, "I was in bed when you called." OUCH! I said how did the weekend go? She said, "It was good... Actually... it was VERY good." I was heartbroken just hearing that. Then she said, "I've made my decision. I've finally found what I've been looking for for a really, really long time." She said she could see she was falling in love with the guy. Then at the end of the phone call I tried to be big about it and i said, "I just want you to be happy." And she said, "I will be happy - I AM happy." I thought I was going to die right then and there. Then she simply told me, "take care." That coming weekend we'd had a romantic beach trip planned so he went with her instead and she actually told me this when we met to exchange some things which was absolutely heartless. The toughest part is that in our relationship she was better to me than anyone's ever been in my life (although my first love was unfathomably good to me too.). She gave me 110% and was completely devoted to me. But out of the relationship she was also EASILY the cruelest person I've ever known. Hard to make sense of that.

 

You asked how long this thing would last with your ex and her new boyfriend? If it was a rebound? I'd wondered the same thing about my ex's new relationship. Well... I went strict NC and didn't hear from her for 2 months. Then out of nowhere at 1 am in the morning - when she was here in town alone - she called me. I did probably the second dumbest thing I've ever done in my life: I answered the phone. She seemed happy at first with tons of questions. I didn't give more than one word answers. Then she started getting sad and sniffly. She told me she'd been checking her email compulsively to see if I'd written her and that she'd been thinking about me non-stop for two days straight and that she'd gone out to this place we used to go to and was looking for me everywhere thinking she was going to run into me. Then she implied us getting back together in the future by saying "maybe our paths will cross again one day." After hearing this I then did the single dumbest thing I've ever done: I told her I still loved her and wanted to work things out. That's when she confessed she was actually planning to move in with her new boyfriend. She was moving to his city. She was just scared and having second thoughts. The more I told her I cared about her the more she changed her story. She started talking about how we weren't good together anyway. Then said she was actually just calling because she wanted closure.

 

I told her I thought it was really callous that she would call me up and tell me she was moving in with the guy after two months of not talking to me and knowing how much pain I was in. And you know what her response was? She hung up on me. I called her right back and she didn't pick up the phone. That was the last time I've ever talked to her. That was two months ago. She keeps a PUBLIC blog now that has intimate details about her sex life with the new guy and comments about how I was Mr. Wrong and it takes every bit of self control i have not to look. I mean, I'm on my computer all day. But I never look. Never.

 

Don't put yourself through the hell I did, man. It hurt me bad. The last thing I want to do is date a girl and I've pursued no one. But in the last 2 weeks I've had 2 different girls who were complete strangers come up to me in restaurants and ask me out. It's a strange feeling having a girl actually be nice to me again. I kind of like it. And that's when I realized my ex, however good she might've once been to me, treated me really badly in the end and showed herself to be a complete bitch. SO RUN. GET AWAY. Once a girl walks away like that she's just trying to ween herself off of you with all the phone calls and the little visits and just wants to hear you tell her how wonderful she is. Don't do it, bro. I'd rather be mauled by lions.