MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Talking about rejection here. When/if it happens, would you rather they flat out used the phrase "I'm flattered but, I'm not interested", or would you rather them give you hints and let you figure it out? (Flaking, not responding to texts, giving one word answers when they do text, etc) As much as I preach about not being outcome dependent, I don't know if I could handle a straight up "I'm not interested" line. I would respect her for her upfront, honest nature, but that's still a kick to the groin. I don't think I could use it on anyone either. When I'm not interested I just show it through actions, and eventually they get the hint. I don't think anyone wants to actually hear those words. At least through actions you get it and move on, and perhaps keep it friendly if you run into them somewhere (if this person is in your social circle somehow) but someone telling you flat out I'm not interested in you? I don't know if I could continue with the pleasantries. How many people actually prefer to hear that line straight up as opposed to being flaked on or getting ignored via text/phone?
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Neither is evil, and the endstate is the same in both cases. For me personally, it's no impact, no idea. Just don't care.
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Neither is evil, and the endstate is the same in both cases. For me personally, it's no impact, no idea. Just don't care. I thought the lesser of two evils would have a better ring to it than "The Lesser of 2 Lame Things That Can Happen To You When Dating" You're telling me you'd feel the same way if someone flat out said i'm not buying what you're selling as you would if they just didn't contact you?
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I thought the lesser of two evils would have a better ring to it than "The Lesser of 2 Lame Things That Can Happen To You When Dating" You're telling me you'd feel the same way if someone flat out said i'm not buying what you're selling as you would if they just didn't contact you? Yes. I have an extremely low threshold of patience for nonsense. As far I care, if you're not going to contact me within a reasonble amount of time, especially if returning my contact, then you're not interested. If you're legitimately too busy, then you're not dateable. And if a girl said to my face that I wasn't good enough or that she wasn't interested, then I'd tell her it was nice to meet her and go about my day. I don't invest much expectation into dating. First date at 23 and first relationship at 25 will do that to you. But in my experience, most women don't have the balls to say it to a guy's face anyway.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I would rathem speak how they truly feel in a tactful way rather then passively agressively pussy foot making you wonder whats what. That's on you. As for getting a hint, I thought a girl wasnt into me, so i left her alone. Then she contacts me wondering why I didnt contact her. So the moral of the story is I believe be honest about how you feel. Common "rules of correspondence" usually give around 24 hours for most forms of communication. As pervasive as technology is in our lives, even that long is a very generous amount of time. If she pulled this stunt days after not returning a voicemail, message, or email, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. After a second time, LAUNCH. Easy day.
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) That's on you. Common "rules of correspondence" usually give around 24 hours for most forms of communication. As pervasive as technology is in our lives, even that long is a very generous amount of time. If she pulled this stunt days after not returning a voicemail, message, or email, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. After a second time, LAUNCH. Easy day. Yup. That's one thing I'll give technology these days. Easier to spot girls who aren't interested. I remember back in my forever alone days I'd convince myself otherwise. "Hey maybe she lost service. Lost her phone? Phone died? Anything's possible!" Now hmmm...not so much You know one time I was talking to a girl I was semi-interested in about girls in general. I said "how can they ignore texts with a clear conscious? actually be able to look at the screen, read the message, and not respond?" and she said "i don't know. girls don't really look at their phones" Girls don't really look at their phones dude. She expected me (22 at the time) to believe girls my age "don't really look at their phones". I blew up on her pretty bad, we didn't talk for like a week. I was just so annoyed she would insult my intelligence with that answer. Rather than say "maybe the girl isn't interested", she fed me that line. Edited July 18, 2012 by MrCastle
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Yup. That's one thing I'll give technology these days. Easier to spot girls who aren't interested. I remember back in my forever alone days I'd convince myself otherwise. "Hey maybe she lost service. Lost her phone? Phone died? Anything's possible!" Now hmmm...not so much Yea, imagine how it must have been way back in the day when you had to send a rider out with your wax-sealed parchment who would take a week by horse just to deliver the following message: "Sup."
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Yup. That's one thing I'll give technology these days. Easier to spot girls who aren't interested. I remember back in my forever alone days I'd convince myself otherwise. "Hey maybe she lost service. Lost her phone? Phone died? Anything's possible!" Now hmmm...not so much You know one time I was talking to a girl I was semi-interested in about girls in general. I said "how can they ignore texts with a clear conscious? actually be able to look at the screen, read the message, and not respond?" and she said "i don't know. girls don't really look at their phones" Girls don't really look at their phones dude. She expected me (22 at the time) to believe girls my age "don't really look at their phones". I blew up on her pretty bad, we didn't talk for like a week. I was just so annoyed she would insult my intelligence with that answer. Rather than say "maybe the girl isn't interested", she fed me that line. clear conscience* I'm tired
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Whats on me ? I would rathem speak how they truly feel in a tactful way rather then passively agressively pussy foot making you wonder whats what. You wondering what her actions or inactions "mean." You can either decide to give her a very narrow window to p*ssyfoot, or you can choose to give her wide left and right lateral limits to do as she pleases with your heart and mind. Like I said, it's on you. Most women take the path of least resistance and ignore cause they are scared of confrontation and speaking how they truly feel, or they simply dont care. And you can rightfully judge them on that.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Or she wants to see me again and says so. Some men like the thrill of the chase or the challenge of getting a girl who is lukewarm at best about them. I personally don't; so I expect either the above or nothing.
Snakechammah Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Interesting topic. As a girl, I would rather the guy tell me to my face "I'm not interested,"... but then again, I'm not the kind of girl to confess verbally that I like a guy - it'll show in my actions. I hate the mixed signals crap, and yes guys emit those too. As for me, I can be brutally honest. I would show signs of uninterest but never to the degree of being rude (or flaking, etc). That's not me. If, from the start I am not interested, he will know and there will be no mixed signals. It has worked all the time. I don't want to hurt anyone and they know where they stand from the start. If they persist on texting or keep asking me out, I'll tell them flatly, "Ok I'll be honest with you straight up. If you're thinking romantic inclinations, I'm sorry it will never happen. Nothing wrong with you, absolutely nothing and one fine day, a perfect girl will love you but it will not be me. If you want to remain friends, by all means, it's cool but don't expect ANYTHING from me because that's just what it is. I want you to know this from the start so we are clear about where we are heading. I respect you as a person, and as a friend if you will, but nothing more than that. Cheers." If it hurts, I do apologize but I think for the sake of formality, people should know the other's intention so there will be no hurt or confusion. It has worked so far, and if the guy won't be friends, that's cool with me too. We are on different paths anyway so it's no loss. It will pave way for him to meet a better girl who deserves his love more than me! Hope that helps from a girl's perspective.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 In a perfect world I would love every man I was interested in to wear a sign telling me exactly what he is looking for. Someone to just date, a relationship, something long term, a one night stand... so on and so forth. If only! 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 In a perfect world I would love every man I was interested in to wear a sign telling me exactly what he is looking for. Someone to just date, a relationship, something long term, a one night stand... so on and so forth. If only! As for the uninterested. I usually catch the hint and don't mind it at all.
KungFuJoe Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Just tell me how you feel. I hate mind games and I get bored easily. My wife is the most direct, blunt, honest person I know and more and more I understand why I adore her so much.
one goal Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'd rather a girl be straight up and honest with me. I'm used to getting rejected but it hurts ny feelings. If a girl is not honest and gives mixed signals that causes guys to pick up their intensity.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 If a girl is not honest and gives mixed signals that causes guys to pick up their intensity. Serious question here, because I honestly don't understand the bolded above...but why do you feel this way...?
one goal Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Serious question here, because I honestly don't understand the bolded above...but why do you feel this way...? I mean if a girl doesn't tell a guy she isn't interested, the guy might think she's playin hard to get and the guy should be more persistent then.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 ...the guy might think she's playin hard to get... Just how often does a truly interested girl actually "play hard to get"...?
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Just how often does a truly interested girl actually "play hard to get"...? That question is interesting enough to have it's own thread. I think some interested girls play hard to get with guys they like, to a degree. You read it all the time on here; girls wanting to take things slow and make the guy wait it out a bit before they have sex, so as not to seem easy. But during this time they're flirting, making out, going on dates, etc. If a girl isn't the least bit physical with you/flakes on your dates, she isn't playing hard to get. She doesn't like you.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 That question is interesting enough to have it's own thread. Agreed. I think some interested girls play hard to get with guys they like, to a degree. You read it all the time on here; girls wanting to take things slow and make the guy wait it out a bit before they have sex, so as not to seem easy. But during this time they're flirting, making out, going on dates, etc. If a girl isn't the least bit physical with you/flakes on your dates, she isn't playing hard to get. She doesn't like you. Well, it's one thing to take it slow and wait on sex; I can understand and respect that. But it's a completely different thing to not have the courtesy to return phone calls or show up for dates...i.e., make an effort to show that you want to get to know me better. For me personally, a woman "playing hard to get" is not interested...no exceptions...
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Agreed. Well, it's one thing to take it slow and wait on sex; I can understand and respect that. But it's a completely different thing to not have the courtesy to return phone calls or show up for dates...i.e., make an effort to show that you want to get to know me better. For me personally, a woman "playing hard to get" is not interested...no exceptions... Yes, not returning phone calls and texts and flaking are not things I would consider as part of the playing hard to get family. To play hard to get she at first has to play. She's not playing when she ignores your contact, she's trying to let you down easy.
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Although, on second thought--I know of girls who, will simply not initiate contact. If a person put a gun to their head they would have to take the bullet. Some girls think this is part of the game, let him show interest first, let him chase you, etc. No matter how much they like the guy, they want him to make contact first, every time. Some guys may think they're bothering the girl and end up giving up instead of being persistent, leaving both parties disappointed.
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Yes, not returning phone calls and texts and flaking are not things I would consider as part of the playing hard to get family. To play hard to get she at first has to play. She's not playing when she ignores your contact, she's trying to let you down easy. And even if you ignore the lack of courtesy with correspondence and flakage and consider only a woman's flirty behavior that keeps you "hooked" but not reeled in, you can definitely tell when a woman is interested in being with you...it's not that hard...
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Although, on second thought--I know of girls who, will simply not initiate contact. If a person put a gun to their head they would have to take the bullet. Some girls think this is part of the game, let him show interest first, let him chase you, etc. No matter how much they like the guy, they want him to make contact first, every time. Some guys may think they're bothering the girl and end up giving up instead of being persistent, leaving both parties disappointed. I honestly don't mind this. I have no issues with "traditional gender roles," especially during the early stages. But it's when she doesn't return a voicemail or message in a timely manner that aggravates me...and I do one of these: ...followed by: .
Author MrCastle Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I honestly don't mind this. I have no issues with "traditional gender roles," especially during the early stages. But it's when she doesn't return a voicemail or message in a timely manner that aggravates me...and I do one of these: ...followed by: . Yep. My tolerance is very low when it comes to communication. I know for a fact girls my age are surgically attatched to their phones. You don't answer my call or text within a 24 hour period, you better have a damn good reason. Even so, my attraction has already dwindled as a result. The worst for me is when we're texting back and forth, developing a nice rapport, responding to each other within 10 minute intervals, and then I ask a question and the convo stops dead.
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