Aquamelon Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Okay so I'll be seeing my boyfriend on Thursday. For our first night together he asked if I'd like to go see Batman with him. I'm a huge Batman fan so I was excited and said yes. Then...he told his best friend was asking about it so the three of us could go after he picks me up from the airport... Am I wrong to think wtf? I mean we haven't seen each other in 100 days and as soon as you pick me up you want us to go to the movies with your friend tagging along.
january2011 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm with you there, WTF, indeed. First nights are sacred. I guess he didn't get the memo. And this friend is not astute enough to realise that s/he's intruding. However, I think that since it's done, it might backfire on you if you make a big fuss over it and try to make him uninvite the friend. And since you'll be sitting in the movie theatre not doing much anyway, it's not necessarily as bad as you think it will be. Perhaps suggest to him that you both have an early night after the movie has finished to "catch up."
Author Aquamelon Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I'm just like baffled right now. Trying so hard not to react badly. This is the same friend who's been.. how to say it... butting in A LOT during the past 2 months. I had even told him weeks ago how much I wanted to see this movie with him... Guess he forgot about it till his friend mentioned it today.
cerridwen Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Did you already agree to it, Aqua? If not, maybe you could gently express that you'd like it to just be the two of you because you've missed him so. Otherwise, I agree with January. If you've committed to it, don't cause a fracas.
january2011 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 What do you mean by "butting in a lot?" Since it's that friend it probably makes it seem like an even bigger intrusion.
Author Aquamelon Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 The conversation on skype: Him: "The midnight screening of the Batman movie is Thursday. Do you think you'd like to go after I pick you up?" Me: "Uh heck yeah I want to see that movie so bad!" Him: "Okay awesome, Jason mentioned it today and thought the 3 of us could go see it. Hopefully we make it on time." Me: "Oh..." I accepted going and then he threw his friend along for the ride without really giving me a chance to agree or disagree. It's such complete and utter bull**** and I wish I could express how I feel. But no, now I have to plant a smile on my face and pretend I'm happy with it.
Author Aquamelon Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 What do you mean by "butting in a lot?" Since it's that friend it probably makes it seem like an even bigger intrusion. This is the same friend who brought up how moving out to be with my was such a big risk. Same friend who invites him for Xbox all-nighters even though hes already told him he will be spending time with me. They will go out for hours and then my boyfriend will want to just go home and give me time but his friend will just invite himself over. It's his best friend, so I can't really say anything. The guy is nice and all but I feel like I'm constantly having to fight for some of my boyfriends time now-a-days.
january2011 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) Jason mentioned it today and thought the 3 of us could go see it. It sounds like Jason isn't the fifth wheel, you are. So this invite is coming from Jason talking to your boyfriend and then suggesting that you all go together. It sounds like Jason is intruding on purpose. But he hasn't got to the stage where he is making your boyfriend choose. If Jason invites himself to everything while you are visiting, that would be a dealbreaker for me. At best, you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Even though he's his best friend, you can still say something. Edited July 18, 2012 by january2011
LittleTiger Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 It's such complete and utter bull**** and I wish I could express how I feel. But no, now I have to plant a smile on my face and pretend I'm happy with it. You can and you most definitely should. I disagree with the other opinions here - strongly disagree. This friend is intruding into your relationship - and your boyfriend is apparently accepting it. You are clearly very upset about it (rightly so) and he needs to know that. WTF is absolutely right! If you don't say something now, can you imagine what this reunion will be like for you? I wouldn't be surprised if the friend was with him at the airport (to save time) and I'd be willing to bet that he will spend considerably more time with the two of you during your stay than you are going to be happy with. Think about this carefully. How are you going to feel when you see him for the first time in ages and he treats you like a mate who is tagging along to the movies with his best buddy? I would hazard a guess that 99.9% of people in LDRs are tearing each other's clothes off almost as soon as they are behind closed doors or, if not, at least heading in that direction with a romantic meal or something along those lines. The only exception might be if there is an important family event that needs attending first or something of that nature, but a night at the movies with his best mate? Seriously!??? Sorry, if I seem a little angered by your post, but I feel angry for you and you don't seem to be standing up for yourself. You don't have to go in all guns blazing but you will be doing yourself and your relationship no favours if you don't say something. "As we haven't seen each other in so long, I was kind of hoping we would be getting some quality 'alone time' (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). I would love to see the movie but perhaps we could go on a different night?" Something simple just to make it clear how you feel and see what he says. If his friend's invitation comes above your request then I suspect there is another conversation you might want to be having. Good luck and have fun 1
Els Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Sorry if I haven't kept up with your history, but how old are you both? And how long have you been together? His behaviour seems consistent with someone in his late teens or early twenties, especially if you haven't been together for long. I would hesitate to say it's 'bad' per se - lots of college students take a casual approach to dating, and friendships with 'best friends' often come on par with relationships at that stage. Some men, especially inexperienced ones, are also rather clueless as to what is 'sacred' in a R. But you are entirely within your rights to decide that this is not the sort of thing you will put up with, as well. My suggestion is that you make your feelings known to him in a gentle and rational way. Tell him you'd hoped to get some time alone with him, see how he responds to that. A good middle ground would be that you both spend some time alone that night, and then you can all watch Batman with his friend the next day. Observe his response, and make any further decisions accordingly. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I think most people in an LDR would be p*ssed off if there were other people invited along the first night Most couples are wanting to 'get busy' after being apart for any length of time, like LittleTiger said, or at least go for a meal together, just the two of you. It's a shame you need to spell it out for him, but I think you'll have to or you will just feel resentful. Maybe he wants another person there, while he sees how things feel, as things have been rocky lately?? Could he be avoiding having heavy discussions with you? I don't know, it just seems odd Okay so I'll be seeing my boyfriend on Thursday. For our first night together he asked if I'd like to go see Batman with him. I'm a huge Batman fan so I was excited and said yes. Then...he told his best friend was asking about it so the three of us could go after he picks me up from the airport... Am I wrong to think wtf? I mean we haven't seen each other in 100 days and as soon as you pick me up you want us to go to the movies with your friend tagging along.
TMichaels Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I don't know, it just seems odd Not necessarily when you consider the two of them have been "dating" for five months and only seen each other in person once before. Take the LD out of it; would be no different than hanging out with him and his mates. Best, TMichaels
HeavenOrHell Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 It's different because he can hang out with his mates anytime, but rarely sees her, so I wondered if he was trying to avoid time alone with her because they might have to have a 'heavy' talk. I've no idea, was just a thought. The first or second time, or any other time in fact, of the times me and my partner have met I'd I would've been annoyed if he'd brought a mate along. We usually go for a meal or straight back home, we wouldn't want a friend there. The first time we met IRL we both knew it was to see if things would work out as (sexual) partners, and all the other times we've met (about 15 times) we're always lovey dovey and sexual when we meet, so we sure as hell would not want someone else there He has met my friends, but never the first day he's here. Not necessarily when you consider the two of them have been "dating" for five months and only seen each other in person once before. Take the LD out of it; would be no different than hanging out with him and his mates. Best, TMichaels
justwhoiam Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Am I wrong to think wtf? Well... one thing for sure: he's not with you for the sex.
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