pink-volupte Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I was searching online on "my boyfriend is not affectionate" and found this forum. It seems like a good place to rant my problems here~ So here it goes: Ok so first of all, i'm dating a guy 7 years older than me (i'm 25) and he was my boss when we first started dating and we've been together for almost 9mths now. I broke up with my ex of 4 yrs because of him. My ex is a very nice guy, very affectionate, easily get turned on by me, but he is always very logical and won't give in no matter what. He is still a student, 1 yr younger than me and he is a very faithful guy. Yeah, you guys might think "then why the heck did you guys broke off?" Well, during these 4 years we were together, i have waited 2 years for him while he was doing national service. A huge amount of his time was wasted in there and after he was done with it, there comes his 3 years of University life. When he was in there for the first 3 months, i hardly get a text from him on weekdays. I texted him as early as 9am in the morning and he only replies my msg around 7pm most of the times, reason being there's no reception in his campus workshop. He has been working hard day and night to make sure he is catching up well and only comes find me in the weekends. Even so, he spends his time with me sleeping through the day. When i wake him up for meals or just go out and catch a movie, he will just look like a walking zombie. Feelings fade, it kind of makes me feel like i'm single all over again. I was working for around 3 days a week for almost 1 and a half year as a part timer. Somehow i was attracted to my 'boss' who is now my boyfriend. He was a lot more matured, looks and thinking wise, he is a very funny guy, he is very caring towards me, he teaches me things and he love me. The thing is, just 2 months before we got together, he brought his then-girlfriend to the workplace and i kinda dislike that girl since i find her such a bitch. (yeah, i was jealous =.=) When he finally told me about his feelings and the things he did for me, I melted immediately and feel like i'm in love again. But the thing now is that he isn't able to satisfy me (you know....) like my ex. I never expected him to be equally or as good as my ex because of their age difference and also their lifestyle. My ex is the healthy sporty kind and my current bf is a smoker and drinker. I used to be "satisfied" for AT LEAST 4 days a week, but now, maybe once a week or not even once for the whole week or 2. He says he love me so much and he has never felt so deeply in love with some1 else before. He wanted me to be his last. But, i don't know how this relationship is going to last when the most basic needs cannot be satisfied. I initiated so many times until i felt so ashamed of myself, which i didn't have to in the past coz a simple hug on the bed with my ex could already turn him on. Because of my lack of "satisfaction", i get frustrated quite easily and end up getting mad at him very easily sometimes i don't even know why i even blow my top for something so minor. Because he didn't want to talk about anything about his ex-es and didn't want to hear about mine too, i felt like its so hard for me to share this problem with him. It's like i cannot open myself up like i should to him. I keep it to myself and ends up exploding like nobody's business. WHAT SHOULD I DO!??!?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 ever consider talking to him about it? just stating the obvious... either way, yes men's sex drive will go down in their mid 30s. pretty normal. at the same time female sex drive goes up around the same age. cruel biology joke, but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) Make a list with what you have learned so far : - different sex-drives cannot coexist unless there is understanding, communication and cooperation; you two have vastly different sex-drives - alcohol and cigarettes lower sex drive in men - did you cheat ?; i see no guilt there but you sure were having at least an Emotional Affair with your boss - you do not **** where you eat, animals at the zoo know this ... yet humans forget it often - sounds like your ex had a very demanding life, while yours was not demanding at all ... there could have been some understand there between the two of you Am i wrong on any of these counts ? ever consider talking to him about it? just stating the obvious... either way, yes men's sex drive will go down in their mid 30s. pretty normal. at the same time female sex drive goes up around the same age. cruel biology joke, but it is what it is. This is actually one of the main reasons for women's infidelity tbh, higher drive for women, lower for men, and she doesn't point at the elephant in the room. With time resentment builds, untill she sees it 'her needs not being met' so she considers the relationship over in her mind ... messed up Edited July 18, 2012 by Radu Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 But, i don't know how this relationship is going to last when the most basic needs cannot be satisfied. I initiated so many times until i felt so ashamed of myself, which i didn't have to in the past coz a simple hug on the bed with my ex could already turn him on. Because of my lack of "satisfaction", i get frustrated quite easily and end up getting mad at him very easily sometimes i don't even know why i even blow my top for something so minor. Because he didn't want to talk about anything about his ex-es and didn't want to hear about mine too, i felt like its so hard for me to share this problem with him. It's like i cannot open myself up like i should to him. I keep it to myself and ends up exploding like nobody's business. How the hell did you manage to stay with this guy for nine months? Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Do you masturbate? Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Because of my lack of "satisfaction", i get frustrated quite easily and end up getting mad at him very easily sometimes i don't even know why i even blow my top for something so minor. Because he didn't want to talk about anything about his ex-es and didn't want to hear about mine too, i felt like its so hard for me to share this problem with him. It's like i cannot open myself up like i should to him. I keep it to myself and ends up exploding like nobody's business. WHAT SHOULD I DO!??!?!!! I think you should make a list of all the things you love about him, and when you get frustrated, read the list. Share the list with him too. When y'all are in a good time to talk, express to him what you need, and be encouraging. For many people, they don't tend to feel the desire or the ability to satisfy someone who gets mad at them. So, when you don't feel satisfied, find a way to communicate with your partner without letting frustration and negativity rule over you. Link to post Share on other sites
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