neveragain2493 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm just looking for a little support after the ending of a two and a half year relationship. I dated my boyfriend a very long time. We transitioned from high school and went to college together, and I lost my virginity to him. We had thoughts of getting married. At the same time, we went through phases where he wasn't sure how he felt about me, but it always got better. This March, my mom passed away from cancer, and I feel like having to deal with it forced me to grow up quickly. In this way, I feel like I outgrew my boyfriend and changed as a person. This past month, I hadn't felt the same way about him. I asked him for a break last week, but he didn't know how to take it. Basically, I feel so depressed when I'm with him that it brings him down as well, and tonight, I realized it wasn't fair to him. I told him that things with us have changed, and I need to get my life together because I'm not entirely sure what I want right now. I told him that maybe in the future, if things work out, we can be together, but right now, it's not the right time. I will always love him and still want to be friends, and I did cry tonight because it was so hard to let him go, but I knew this was coming. It just feels so foreign and numb to be single again.
ihateslowjams Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm just looking for a little support after the ending of a two and a half year relationship. I dated my boyfriend a very long time. We transitioned from high school and went to college together, and I lost my virginity to him. We had thoughts of getting married. At the same time, we went through phases where he wasn't sure how he felt about me, but it always got better. This March, my mom passed away from cancer, and I feel like having to deal with it forced me to grow up quickly. In this way, I feel like I outgrew my boyfriend and changed as a person. This past month, I hadn't felt the same way about him. I asked him for a break last week, but he didn't know how to take it. Basically, I feel so depressed when I'm with him that it brings him down as well, and tonight, I realized it wasn't fair to him. I told him that things with us have changed, and I need to get my life together because I'm not entirely sure what I want right now. I told him that maybe in the future, if things work out, we can be together, but right now, it's not the right time. I will always love him and still want to be friends, and I did cry tonight because it was so hard to let him go, but I knew this was coming. It just feels so foreign and numb to be single again. My condolences to you and your family. Im sorry to hear about your loss. After such a traumatic loss, it can be a very confusing time afterwards. Im curious as to what you mean by what i bolded in the quote. Like how did you view him and the relationship afterwards? what changed? Do you have other family members as well? are you trying to take your mother's place afterwards for your family's sake?
Author neveragain2493 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I mean that I just feel a whole lot more mature after what I went through, and the things that used to make me laugh now just irritate me. I see a lot of immaturity in him now. For instance, the other night, I hung out with two of my guy friends, and he got jealous. He said, "So are you going to go hang out with dumb and dumber?" and it just irritated the hell out of me. I appreciate that. Well, my dad does not talk to me and has another family of his own (my mom divorced him when I was a baby). He was not in my life period from age 2 to 16. I live with my granddad, and I have no other siblings, so basically, it's me. I've started to see a psychologist about all of this.
ihateslowjams Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I mean that I just feel a whole lot more mature after what I went through, and the things that used to make me laugh now just irritate me. I see a lot of immaturity in him now. For instance, the other night, I hung out with two of my guy friends, and he got jealous. He said, "So are you going to go hang out with dumb and dumber?" and it just irritated the hell out of me. I appreciate that. Well, my dad does not talk to me and has another family of his own (my mom divorced him when I was a baby). He was not in my life period from age 2 to 16. I live with my granddad, and I have no other siblings, so basically, it's me. I've started to see a psychologist about all of this. Well, at least you broke it off on "good terms". in my opinion, maybe this BU will be good for the both of you because of the growth both "should" partake in afterwards. For the mean time, you should focus on resolving the issues you want to fix. As a dumpee, i would tell you to not contact him at all because it will either confuse him or hurt him. talking to you, but knowing that you guys aren't together can have an adverse effect on him.
Author neveragain2493 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 He told me that he was upset but understood, and that he was slightly feeling the same way.
Pod81 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) OK, so you may think that your sense of humor has matured faster than his, but when it comes to the big picture, it doesn't seem like either you are mature enough for a committed relationship. I say this because you "need to get your life together because you're not entirely sure what you want right now." Secondly, it appears you guys have issues with cheating on one another. Thirdly, you couldn't understand why you're ex-ex wouldn't talk to you when he was clearly not over you AND you were using him as an emotional crutch while you were on a break with your most recent ex. Don't give yourself too much credit with being much more mature than he is. This may come off as harsh, but keep in mind that this is an entirely normal process for someone your age (I'm assuming you're in your early 20's?). This is when you start making adult decisions and realize the consequences of your actions on other people. In order for a mature, committed relationship to truly work, both parties need to be stable, grounded, and know what they truly want out of each other and out of the relationship. Take this time to sort out of your issues, work on the maturity, and everything else (finances, career, commitment, ability for mature love, trust, rational decision making, etc) will fall into place. There is no need to rush into any serious dating now either (if it's only short-term dating, that's a different story). If you're not ready now, you'll only end up hurting yourself or the other person. Good luck on your journey! Edited July 18, 2012 by Pod81
Exit Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Ah, girls who hang out with "guy friends". Gotta love it.
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