Esp0125 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Ok Any help on this subject would be amazing. I am a 32 year old man who is a few months divorced but the marriage was over for a long time. So I have started doing the whole online dating thing, I went on quite a few 1st dates ya know feeling myself out again as I was with my wife a little over 8 years. After I dated for a bit I really found someone that I like we started talking about a week ago. We talked the first time for about an hour and 20 mins and set up a date for 2 days later. Most online dates I guess do drinks but she agreed to dinner, now the first time we spoke on the phone I did a lot of listening someone it came up that she is a very old fashioned person and did not kiss on the first, second and then with a laugh she thew in 3rd date for that matter. So we went to dinner and then I took her down by the boardwalk and we just walked and talked. We had a lot of laughs and the conversation was no where near forced. When we first talked she said she has gone on first dates online and nicely said no to anyone who asked her on a 2nd... So at the end of the date I gave her a kiss on the cheek and asked her if I can see her again, she said yes so I made a joke being the first one and really made her laugh. So last night we go out to dinner it was like 2.5 hours I know she wakes up very early for work so once again no lack of conversation, laughing smiling the whole time we talked about what we were looking for in a relationship, conversation was really awesome. Little background on her she was divorced 5 years ago due to her ex cheating on her after 9 years of marriage. Then after a 2 year relationship she got engaged and had to break it off because of the fact her fiance was from the things she said very mean and he had a very bad gambling problem which he borrowed money from her and it was bad. So her guard is 100% up which I am okay with I have patience. So last night she was telling me about a movie she wanted to see but it wasn't in the movie theater anymore. So today I called around and I found a place that has it like 35 mins away so I text her I found a place she made sure she texted me how sweet that was the whole 9... We text back and fourth everyday since we started talking and I think we have talked even if for a few mins every day. I dont want her to think I am not into her for not going in for a kiss as of yet I just remember the things we talked about the first time and I want to respect that... I havent even tried to hold her hand or anything but she knows I like her because of certain things I say but you can tell she is very guarded, she has a really good time for what I can see when we go out. She even says her friends say she is guarded. Well we are going to go out this weekend for our 3rd date and since its been a while since I actually can see myself dating another person since my wife I wanted to get anyones opinion on maybe how to play this one. I mean she obviously must feel the chemistry as I dont think she would make a 3rd date in 10 days with me right??? Its just been so long since I have been dating I almost forgot what its like. We both agree we dont play games for example I told her straight out I dont play that hard to get bullsh*t if I like someone I ask them if I can see them again and she agreed. Well please let me know what everyone thinks. Thanks a lot
Enema Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I'm in a similar position. - 31 - Split up from my wife last year. We were together since we were 21. - Back out in the dating world. - Difference is: I'm doing great Everything you're doing sounds really awkward. The woo'ing process is a series of escalations and at date 3 you're seemingly at the same place as date 1. Some tips: 1) For gods sake, use paragraphs. 2) Contacting her less often outside of dates. Once a day if you must, texts are for setting up dates and That's when you really connect. It's incredibly difficult to build rapport through texts and too much contact sends you backwards. 3) You have to escalate touching. Playful bumps, touch her hand/shoulder when telling a story, hold hands when walking. These things are really not a big deal. If you're confident and comfortable doing them, she will be. 4) Where is the buildup of sexual tension? By date 3 there should be something. Have your conversations and/or texts been sexually flirty? 5) When a woman says she doesn't kiss even on the 3rd date, that's just a test or a defense. If you do things correctly and there's spark, there's no reason any woman would respond negatively to a kiss on the 1st or 2nd date. Honestly, it sounds like you've been in marriage mode for so long that your default response when meeting someone new is "friendship" mode.
thatone Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) I kiss my mother on the cheek. And when she takes me to a restaurant she wants to pay because she's my mother. Forget about that sh*t and do what you normally do. A woman refusing sex/kissing/whatever is a woman keeping her foot in the door. Either slam the door or walk out of it, one or the other. Here's the thing you missed out on while you were married through your 20s...all these women you meet are the same until proven otherwise. Every one who tells you that they won't do this or don't do that is lying. Put a guy they're attracted to in front of them and they'll do all of those things plus a few more. They'll worry themselves to death about pleasing you, so nevermind worrying about doing anything wrong yourself. And you know when all of this applies? When you're giving her orgasms on a regular basis, not before. That's it, the rest is secondary. Edited July 18, 2012 by thatone
Recommended Posts