SwissCheese Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I know, it's ridiculous. I made him do it. I could sense something was wrong. I told him to just do it. He said we should get together and talk. I told him no, just do it. He did. He broke up with me by text. History: I have been separated from my husband for a year, he has been separated for 18 months. I have a child, he has two. We have been dating since February and it was amazing until I got pregnant. We had a month of not knowing if it was a viable pregnancy. I was hormonal and sick. He was scared about the baby. He was not able to give me much support. Things were rocky but we were still affectionate and loving. Last Monday I had a procedure to terminate because the baby was not growing. He picked me up and took me to the hospital and stayed until it was over, then brought me home. We slept for a few hours and he went to get my prescriptions. He came back with them, stayed for a few minutes and I haven't seen him since. Last week his parents were in town and he didn't tell them what was happening. He told them he was going to work early that day. My first time meeting them was 2 days before the procedure. It was strained. I was sick and already grieving the loss of the pregnancy. We communicated less and less throughout the week until I finally told him to tell me what was going on. I feel so lost. I am constantly crying and don't know if/when it's for him or the baby. He has been on a camping trip since Sunday and we agreed to talk more about it when he gets back. I miss him. I feel like he ended it when I was at my worst. I am torn between being mad at him for abandoning me at my worst time and wanting him back so badly. We were moving into together. We were working on combining our families. I feel like I have lost so much. What the hell happened?
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 that really sucks, and i'm really sorry about what happened. if he turned tail that quickly, i'd ask you to think about how committed he really was. on top of that, i'd really question the "separation" and his true interest in a real relationship. this event could have been something that made everything way too real for what he wanted.
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Right now I wouldn't take any major decisions. You said it, you're confused between your feelings for the baby and your feelings for this man. Let him come back, let him have this talk with you he wanted to have, see what comes out of it. For now decide to grieve your baby, maybe send him a text saying you'd like to talk when he's back, if you want to. I personally think you should. 1
Author SwissCheese Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 that really sucks, and i'm really sorry about what happened. if he turned tail that quickly, i'd ask you to think about how committed he really was. on top of that, i'd really question the "separation" and his true interest in a real relationship. this event could have been something that made everything way too real for what he wanted. That was my first reaction actually. I called him a coward and wrote that he wasn't capable of giving. But regretted it almost immediately. I definitely have major abandonment issues and I tend to not give people the chance to help me. So I am in a circle of hell.
Author SwissCheese Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Yes Samilia, I agree. I think I need to write down my questions so I don't get frazzled and emotional. The last thing I want is for him to see how much pain I am in.
louisehawley6 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I agree with Samilia. I think you need to give both him and yourself sometime. He is probably grieving for the loss of the baby too. I think it is best for you both to sit down when he comes back and discuss how you are both feeling. Like you said you did push him to break up with you via text and I'm sure he didn't really want to do it that way. The fact that he has even entertained the idea of talking when he gets back from his camping trip implies to me that he has more respect for you than you think.
Author SwissCheese Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 He came home yesterday and we talked (in person) for hours. The plan is to roll back the clock. Try again from the beginning. No I love you, no boyfriend/girlfriend, just dating. At this point I am happy to have anything! We both agree that things were fantastic before I got pregnant and that we should see what can become of us. I just don't know if this is possible. Can we go backward? Am I being desperate? I've thought about asking him to go to a therapist with me. There was a lot of pain for both of us from the pregnancy and I don't know if we have the tools to over come it. It was so good to see him.
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Go back to dating, that's a good idea. when I was reading your post I clearly had the feeling of "going too fast" in your relationship. You burnt bridges, got pregnant, all of that in the mists of your divorces. Go seek counselling but don't include him, remember, you're just dating right now. 1
cincinnatikid Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You should be thanking your lucky stars! Really, I mean that!! Anyone who can break up with someone via text is a coward and cannot face their own truth or own up to their own feelings. Think about it, if the roles were reversed, would you have done the same things. I hope for your sake you wouldn't have. Frankly, I have only broken up with one person not face to face only because of geography (I was in New York at the time and she was elsewhere). If I had had the money and the means to fly to her and sit her down and tell her face to face, I would have. Again, be grateful this is how it ended. I don't know you from jump street but I can imagine you are worth far more than this!
Author SwissCheese Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 I forced his hand really. I told him I wouldn't see him just so he could break up with me. I told him to just do it via text. I have a feeling things would have gone a lot differently if it was done in person. And maybe by my insistence to do it by text sent him the message that I didn't really value our relationship...While we were talking last night he actually said "You really do love me don't you?" When I found out I was pregnant I told him that no matter his involvement, I was having the baby. It hurt him that I would choose having a baby over our relationship. I couldn't understand it then but I can now.
Chi townD Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 When I found out I was pregnant I told him that no matter his involvement, I was having the baby. It hurt him that I would choose having a baby over our relationship. I couldn't understand it then but I can now. Really? He was upset over that statement? Look, the dude needs to grow the hell up. I'm a guy and I know there's no stronger love in the world than what a mother has for her child. That's just selfish on his part. 1
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