Rogue Kisses Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I have never posted anything before. I need advice. I'm about 40 and I have been seeing a great guy for 7 months now. He is very good to me. Treats me with respect and love. The problem? He puts no effort in bed to satisfy me. His idea of being intimate is my giving him oral sex. I have tried everything from subtle hints when we are in bed... to straight up instructions that no one could confuse. I'm a very passionate woman. I don't understand why he won't put forth any effort in our sex life but is so awesome in every other way. I don't get the feeling that he is gay or using me as a cover. I've been down that road before. I know what to look for. I don't think he is seeing anyone else either. Yup down that road too. I think he is sexually selfish. Men love oral sex. OK. I get it. But why won't he let me have some fun too? What should I do? I'm sexually frustrated!
Radu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Have a straight up discussion with him, and if that won't work ... leave. Unless you two can work out an open relationship on your end and both of you are ok with it. 1
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 My philosophy is that men tend to be on their best behavior in a relationship in the first 10 weeks. Given that has passed, and he has shown you nothing, it is highly unlikely there is going to be any real improvement in this area. We tend to only get lazier as relationships continue. I think it's time to have an honest discussion with him about your needs, and assess another few weeks to see if it improves. I'm sure you don't waste to waste too much time in a relationship that doesn't suit you, so it might be a good idea to focus on addressing it so you can make an informed decision. 1
carhill Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 OP, welcome to LS and I have a thread I'll suggest you read Communication is helpful to achieve clarity. Good luck
Author Rogue Kisses Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I have 3 replies and all 3 are very good. Krytie TV hit the nail on the head. I have heard that somewhere before... about the first 10 weeks. It makes sense. I will have one more talk with him. This will make it the 3rd talk. If he just doesn't understand, then I will have to move on. It's hard because I do love him and we are so good in every other way. Thanks for the insight!
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 You only give BJ's? And that is you guys sex life? No penetration, different positions, etc.?
Author Rogue Kisses Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 For the most part just BJ's. We have sex occasionally but no foreplay for me. Just the old in and out in one of two positions. I try to get him to touch me or do other things. On rare occasions when I get him to try something for my pleasure he tries to rush or he is so rough. I will literally take his hand and give him step by step instructions and tell him "if you stop before I cum I will kill you!" It's like he has ADD when it comes to foreplay (unless he is the one receiving). When I give him a BJ I listen to what he needs.. pay attention and will go at it for a long time. As long as it takes to please him. I am lucky to get 3 minutes of half assed rubbing or licking. I'm so frustrated!!!!
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I didn't read the whole thread. I'm getting that your main complaint is almost zero foreplay. Is that correct? If you could get say, 20 minutes of foreplay, would the same sex routine be "ok"?
Author Rogue Kisses Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 20 minutes would be a great start! I would be so happy!
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 20 minutes would be a great start! I would be so happy! Will you leave the relationship if it does not change?
joystickd Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Communications and let him know how it benefits him if he acknowledges your needs. When it comes to dealing with guys like that you have to get them that way.
Brit Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Sounds so unappealing. Well, at least he treats you with respect. BJs should not take longer than a few minutes if done correctly. But, there should be intense uncontrollable sexual experiences for a long while when dating someone in the beginning. If it is this bad now, it will most likely become sexless down the road. Hope it works out for you and he is willing to work on it. 1
Author Rogue Kisses Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Will you leave the relationship if it does not change? It's hard to say. I'm very much in love with him. I thought we had a good moment this weekend.... but then it was back to bad. Last night he asked for a bj... I said that I wanted to make love... he said "Let's just go to sleep" and we did. That was the bad moment. The good one was where he took a while to please me. I told him how much I loved it and praised him. Told him that it made me feel so much closer to him and I would love it if we did it more often. I'm on a roller coaster. On the verge of getting off... not in a good way.
Author Rogue Kisses Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Sounds so unappealing. Well, at least he treats you with respect. BJs should not take longer than a few minutes if done correctly. But, there should be intense uncontrollable sexual experiences for a long while when dating someone in the beginning. If it is this bad now, it will most likely become sexless down the road. Hope it works out for you and he is willing to work on it. Our relationship never had that "urgency" most budding relationships have. We had drunken **** fests... but sober... Not so urgent. We never went thru the "can't keep my hands off you" phase. We never had that at all. So the "honeymoon phase" never happened. Trust me my BJ's are done corrrectly. I was taught by a gay man how to please a man. I am good and I will pull all the shots... but most importantly... I will listen to my man and let him guide me. I excel in being alert to subtle hints. I pride myself in learning my mans needs and wants. I focus so much on that.. that I lose myself. This is the rare occasion where I came up for air and realized that he apparently, is just not that into me. He is just not that into me. I just solved my problem.
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