In a strange place..

[AlexanderJames]

Hey loveshack hope everyone's hanging in there and doing well today.

 

It's the 5th day since going out with the ex and being told it wasn't going anywhere. I haven't said a word to her since the night. She's txt me a couple of times on day 2 but I ignored them.

 

Everything is feeling weird this time around. Like just then when I thought of how many days it had been since the movie I was shocked it was already 5.. Seemed so much harder to get to 5 the first time. Like I was counting the days.

I suppose that's not really a bad thing.

 

It's hard to explain how im feeling now. I'm not sad, hurting, lonely or down. For the most part. I do have a brief moment once a day or two where something reminds me of my ex but rarely. Mostly I just feel nothing. Not happy, but not sad. It doesn't feel like I'm going through a breakup I just have no drive to do anything. Maybe it's a bit of depression?? I have a sudden urge to leave my job and get a new job interstate or overseas. Like this city has nothing for me anymore. I've spend the most part of the last 3 days asleep in bed. It just confuses me because I dont feel sad or anything like I'm not struggling with life or the ex or NC or anything I just feel drained.

Anyone know why? Maybe it's nothing maybe I'm just being lazy lately cause I've finally got nothing on my plate to stress me out or fight for.

 

Good things have happened though, I went out Sunday night and bumped into a couple of old friends. One of which I had a fling with over new years. She came back to my house after the club closed and spent the night with me. We didn't get up to anything crazy. But it was very nice to wake up next to someone familiar.

Also I'm going to the movies tomorrow night with the girl who's had my interest for a while now that asked to see me the night my ex bailed. So I'm a little excited for that plus it's my best chick friends bday on Saturday and she wants to introduce me to her cousin and all her "hot girlfriends" as she puts it.

 

So I'm spending the next couple of weeks seeing nice girls and meeting new people my age so things are looking up just gotta find wherever the f*** my motivation has run off to and kick it back into gear.

[ihateslowjams]

 

Good things have happened though, I went out Sunday night and bumped into a couple of old friends. One of which I had a fling with over new years. She came back to my house after the club closed and spent the night with me. We didn't get up to anything crazy. But it was very nice to wake up next to someone familiar.

Also I'm going to the movies tomorrow night with the girl who's had my interest for a while now that asked to see me the night my ex bailed. So I'm a little excited for that plus it's my best chick friends bday on Saturday and she wants to introduce me to her cousin and all her "hot girlfriends" as she puts it.

 

So I'm spending the next couple of weeks seeing nice girls and meeting new people my age so things are looking up just gotta find wherever the f*** my motivation has run off to and kick it back into gear.

 

I envy your single life haha I'm still not ready for any of that and it will probably take a while before I live it up again...

[AlexanderJames]

I envy your single life haha I'm still not ready for any of that and it will probably take a while before I live it up again...

 

It hasn't been easy mate take my word for it..

 

Taken the patient ears of a few close friends and everyone on here. Not to mention my own patience with myself. And a lot of headf***s.

 

Just keep posting on here asking for support and getting things off of your chest. You'll be back on top of things soon enough. Don't envy me, set yourself a goal to be living things up again some time in the future. Challenge yourself to get there and make it happen

 

It's done me wonders sharing everything on here. Keep hanging in there and fighting the fight mate. You're making yourself stronger each and every day that goes by

[whoknows11]

Youve been through alot. I thought i was taking a beating lately by my ex fighting/playing mindgames with me. But difference is, you see your ex and shes been contacting you. And not to fight. Im real sorry for how it ended. But if anything, your on a good track as well. If this is to fall apart or your ex keeos trying to contact you, just make the most of what youre doing now. Youre only human.

[AlexanderJames]

Youve been through alot. I thought i was taking a beating lately by my ex fighting/playing mindgames with me. But difference is, you see your ex and shes been contacting you. And not to fight. Im real sorry for how it ended. But if anything, your on a good track as well. If this is to fall apart or your ex keeos trying to contact you, just make the most of what youre doing now. Youre only human.

 

Thanks buddy

We've both been dragged through some unfortunate crap lately I agree.

I think that the fact your ex has been such a bitch to you is kind of a blessing in disguise. At least now you have seen she's not even worth your time and that you deserve way better. She's pushed you in the right direction, away from her.

 

Just don't hold any resentment towards her and yourself and you'll get by just fine.

I don't think things will fall apart for me thankfully. The more time that goes by the more I think that I deserved better and that if she didn't want me when I was on my knees fighting for her then she doesn't deserve me now that I've clawed my way back to my feet. That and the high possibility that if we got back together we wouldn't work anyway. A lot of damage had been done on both of us. So it probably was for the best anyway.

 

Don't be sorry though, I'm not

[whoknows11]

Thanks buddy

We've both been dragged through some unfortunate crap lately I agree.

I think that the fact your ex has been such a bitch to you is kind of a blessing in disguise. At least now you have seen she's not even worth your time and that you deserve way better. She's pushed you in the right direction, away from her.

 

Just don't hold any resentment towards her and yourself and you'll get by just fine.

I don't think things will fall apart for me thankfully. The more time that goes by the more I think that I deserved better and that if she didn't want me when I was on my knees fighting for her then she doesn't deserve me now that I've clawed my way back to my feet. That and the high possibility that if we got back together we wouldn't work anyway. A lot of damage had been done on both of us. So it probably was for the best anyway.

 

Don't be sorry though, I'm not

 

 

I honestly dont see how its a blessing in disguise, you know? Its like ive taken a complete beating for nothing. I just had hope along with a big heart. But i dont see how anything will be better.

 

As for you, you went through much more than i did. Your ex was completly unfair to you. But yet managed to stick around you. But you got your answer and are moving forward with more opportunities.

[AlexanderJames]

How is it not a good thing? If you had it your way and got back with your ex you would be with a girl who is capable of being so cruel and heartless. You've seen your x's true colours now. You dont still want to be with this girl surely? If anything you a probably missing havin someone. The thought of being on your own is scary. But I can't see how someone could treat you like that and still have you under their spell?

 

Go back and read your own threads. She treated you like **** mate. She won't ever make you happy. Only treat you like ****. It's a blessing because you dodged a bullet.

 

Take a look at what you are doing to yourself. Ask yourself why you are letting a girl walk all over you. Then man up and put an end to it once and for all. We all get hit buddy. And it hurts us all the same. What sets us apart from the rest is having the ability to get back up where others crumble and submit.

[Svet74]

seems like your doing a lot better. are you just feeling disappointed?

 

can you give me advice on my post please?

[AlexanderJames]

Thanks mate.

I dunno maybe its disappointment didnt look at it that way.

 

Okay gimme a bit just at work

[hinatticus]

Looks like you're down and out of the fight Alex. I recently got knocked down too, but I'm fighting til the bitter end. I have to.

[AlexanderJames]

Down and out as in I'm gone? Or I'm losing? Cause I don't feel like i fighting a losing battle?

Unless you mean down and out in a different way to the way I use it haha?

 

Good man. If we don't fight what are we good for? Life's about doing what's best for ourselves and living for us. Hang in there mate

[hopelessromantic29]

I'm going on my 5th day of NC as well. I have my ups n downs, but for the most part, I'm doing ok. Reading these posts helped me realize that I'm not the only one going through situations like this. It's nice to know there's still a rainbow at the end of my journey. I fought so hard for him to change his mind about me, but he didn't. He wasn't the one for me, and I wasn't the one for him. I'll see it all n understand more later.

[hinatticus]

Down and out as in I'm gone? Or I'm losing? Cause I don't feel like i fighting a losing battle?

Unless you mean down and out in a different way to the way I use it haha?

 

Good man. If we don't fight what are we good for? Life's about doing what's best for ourselves and living for us. Hang in there mate

 

Down and out as in your done trying with your ex. You're moving on.

[AlexanderJames]

I'm going on my 5th day of NC as well. I have my ups n downs, but for the most part, I'm doing ok. Reading these posts helped me realize that I'm not the only one going through situations like this. It's nice to know there's still a rainbow at the end of my journey. I fought so hard for him to change his mind about me, but he didn't. He wasn't the one for me, and I wasn't the one for him. I'll see it all n understand more later.

 

Hey there, good to hear you're on the NC and doing what's best for YOU.

Same day as me hey, this isnt my first time on NC though if you've been following my story. It's a lot easier this time around though.

 

All we can do is try, if it doesnt work out then we just have to pick ourselves up dust ourselves off and move on. Which is what you're doing, so pat yourself on the back.

 

You're dead on, as time goes by you'll piece everything together. Some things you'll realise and feel good about, and others you'll click to and feel like s***. But take the good with the bad as time really does heal all.

 

And Hinatticus - I thought thats what you where getting at Haha.

Hope you're doing okay mate.

[AlexanderJames]

Aw, had my first real sad moment in ages just then. And I don't even know why..

I think it's because I imagined her getting with a friend of mine.....

 

Don't know why the thought even came up. Probs cause one of my mates just broke up with his missus. Still don't know why it should bother me. I'm going on a date tomorrow night. I think it was more the thought of the betrayal that would come with it that bugged me. But again it hasnt happened and it most definitely wont. So why stress? Stupid brain.

 

Ah well one half of a **** day in 5 days so far. Could be worse haha.

[hinatticus]

Glad you're feeling ok. I wish I could say the same.

[AlexanderJames]

Glad you're feeling ok. I wish I could say the same.

 

Me too. For once I can actually unwind and relax and think about nothing...

 

What's got you down?

[hinatticus]

The ex and I had a little tiff last Thursday night. I've posted it on my original thread. Basically she wanted me to babysit for her while she went out. I said yes, but I was upset while saying it. I've gotta learn to be more congruent. She said she wanted space so I've been giving her very limited contact since. She texted me a song to listen to. It was heartbreaking. She told me since I've been telling her about my feelings she thought I should know how she feels RIGHT NOW. The song is goodbye by avril lavigne. The lyrics destroyed me. But in the song it sounds like avril is saying goodbye temporarily. My ex keeps saying this is how she feels right now.

 

I'll see her tomorrow to drop my son off. I don't know how to act. Any suggestions? Usually I've been taking her grocery shopping and making her a small dinner cuz she works late. I'm thinking this time I'll just drop my son off and chat for a few minutes then leave. But I have no idea how to act. Usually I'm very happy around her cuz I genuinely was. I don't want to look sad(that's probably how I'll feel), so I'm gonna have to fake being happy or indifferent.

 

What do you think?

[theskyisblue]

Hy alexanderjames that's so good that you've accepted this and are moving on with your life. Getting out there and meeting people just seems like such a productive and healthy idea. Thought I was doing well - but dreamed about her and woke up with such a heavy heart. She's out there getting on with her life while I should be doing that. You must feel better? Sounds like you had a bit of a moment where you struggled but that you're coping so well with it!

 

Kind of understand when you say you say you want to change things as well. Since it happened, and I've been dumped and taken back and then dumped again and then told again that she doesn't want me. How often can somebody do that to you? Well since that I've been thinking about new place to live, new city and maybe a new job. You get those sort of ideas?

[AlexanderJames]

Oh sorry to hear that mate

She's asking for space but sending you songs with hurtful lyrics to upset you?

I don't understand the intention there?

I've thought about sending song's to my ex to listen to, some with lyrics intended to hurt her, others intended to tell her I wont give up, but I decided against it becase if you have something to tell something why let some ******* chasing fame and fortune say it for you when the best things come straight from the heart.

 

Dont do any favours for her thats for sure. Babysitting is obviously a different story as it's your son. But cooking and shopping, shes a big girl she can do those things for herself. You're not her butler. If you feel like talking for a few minutes that's okay.

I personally would drop my son off, say a big hearfelt goodbye to my son and get him looking forward to seeing you again. Give him a great big hug (which im sure you do) and then tell your ex he was great as always, maybe mention a few things you did or anything special that your son said or did that might make your ex happy. Then leave. I wouldnt ask how she is or talk to her about her. Dont let her use you to vent her feelings and problems.

 

I'm not saying use your son as a tool to make her jealous or as a tool to get at your ex. But let her see the love and affection you can share to those deserving. And give her nothing while she has asked for space. if she asks why you arent hangin around to talk tell her you're giving her the space she asked for. I'd probably say something smart arsed like quoting avril lavigne but I dont reccomend that. It might upset her.

[AlexanderJames]

Hy alexanderjames that's so good that you've accepted this and are moving on with your life. Getting out there and meeting people just seems like such a productive and healthy idea. Thought I was doing well - but dreamed about her and woke up with such a heavy heart. She's out there getting on with her life while I should be doing that. You must feel better? Sounds like you had a bit of a moment where you struggled but that you're coping so well with it!

 

Kind of understand when you say you say you want to change things as well. Since it happened, and I've been dumped and taken back and then dumped again and then told again that she doesn't want me. How often can somebody do that to you? Well since that I've been thinking about new place to live, new city and maybe a new job. You get those sort of ideas?

 

Hey sky good hearing from you.

I try to go out and see people every day if I can. It gave me minimal time to think about my ex. And occasionally the opportunity to vent some thoughts on my mind. Not to mention it opens the door to meet new people and explore new opportunities. Change is great, be it new clothes, a new haircut, or a new job, home and new life.

 

Sucks about the dream. Thankfully I havent had any lately. But now I've said this whats a bet I have one tonight. If I dream about her and wake up feeling s*** I just jump out of bed and get in a hot shower and play some good sing a long tunes and sing like a dic*. Acting like an idiot makes me feel better haha . Plus the more time you spend lying in bed awake after a dream the worse it gets... Just remind yourself its your subconcious sorting and processing deep thoughts that we dont like to think about during the day.

 

Yeah well its been 5 days now, 4 and a 1/2 good and 1 afternoon of not so good. But those feelings passed pretty quick I'm feeling better now. Just posting them on LS and reading through and seeing how ridiculous it sounds even to myself is enough to kick me back into gear haha.

 

And yes you're right. I dont think theres much left here in my city for me. Not many people or careers to pursue. I was thinking about a job and life change before I met my ex but then obviously stayed here because I was romantically involved. But now I feel that I can chase this job prospect that interests me and move away without worrying about a woman.

The job I'm looking at is in the mines in central australia. You work 2 weeks on site then have 1 week at home. So it doesnt leave much time for women, but the pay is 5x as much per annum as my current job, and my current job doesnt pay too badly as it is. So it's a serious consideration.

Edited July 18, 2012 by AlexanderJames

[hinatticus]

I honestly don't think she was trying to hurt me. She knows I'm big on honesty so she was probably trying to be honest. The song does say I love you a bunch of times tho.

 

I will try and be as indifferent as I can, but I fear she will think I haven't changed. I'm really trying to be mature about this. I've been told that I should help her whenever I can. She doesn't have a car and I do. She is the mother of my child. I respect that. I was a dick in the past and I don't want to do anything that will remind her of that person. I don't want to be that person.

 

I think you are right tho, but my gut is telling me to be supportive. Is it really that bad if I offer to take her grocery shopping? I won't make her anything. I usually make a dinner for myself and my son, and bring her some as well. Tomorrow I won't tho. I just feel really wrong if I don't offer to take her shopping.

 

Man, I can't wait for the day when I don't feel like this.

[AlexanderJames]

No no don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with being supportive of you can deal with being in that position of not knowing when how if or why things are going up happen.

 

Showing your support and showing you care and have changed will go far to showing her you want to be there for her. It can do no harm to her or your chances with her though. Don't be afraid of that. Just be prepared for the mental confusion that I went through. Which I'm sure your familiar with already.

[theskyisblue]

Hey sky good hearing from you.

I try to go out and see people every day if I can. It gave me minimal time to think about my ex. And occasionally the opportunity to vent some thoughts on my mind. Not to mention it opens the door to meet new people and explore new opportunities. Change is great, be it new clothes, a new haircut, or a new job, home and new life.

 

Sucks about the dream. Thankfully I havent had any lately. But now I've said this whats a bet I have one tonight. If I dream about her and wake up feeling s*** I just jump out of bed and get in a hot shower and play some good sing a long tunes and sing like a dic*. Acting like an idiot makes me feel better haha . Plus the more time you spend lying in bed awake after a dream the worse it gets... Just remind yourself its your subconcious sorting and processing deep thoughts that we dont like to think about during the day.

 

Yeah well its been 5 days now, 4 and a 1/2 good and 1 afternoon of not so good. But those feelings passed pretty quick I'm feeling better now. Just posting them on LS and reading through and seeing how ridiculous it sounds even to myself is enough to kick me back into gear haha.

 

And yes you're right. I dont think theres much left here in my city for me. Not many people or careers to pursue. I was thinking about a job and life change before I met my ex but then obviously stayed here because I was romantically involved. But now I feel that I can chase this job prospect that interests me and move away without worrying about a woman.

The job I'm looking at is in the mines in central australia. You work 2 weeks on site then have 1 week at home. So it doesnt leave much time for women, but the pay is 5x as much per annum as my current job, and my current job doesnt pay too badly as it is. So it's a serious consideration.

 

That's great that you've only had a brief moment where you felt a bit sad! There is something about hearing from you about how you are doing that makes me think I can get on with things as well. I struggle with the idea of the fact that the relationship failed and that as hard as I tried and as much effort as I put in to it, it just didn't work.

 

It sure sounds like you're getting your life together though. The idea of working hard and getting that extra money must have some kind of appeal. Gives you the opportunity to get out of the city and plan what you really want to do for yourself. Is that something people have been saying to you? Lots of people have been saying that to me - how I can do whatever I want with my life. I think she even said it to me which was really hard to hear. Don't really have a clue what that is which is very daunting. Like standing on the precipice of life and realising you have only you to make the choice.

 

Also - not sure if you hear this from people but friends and family say you get closure and can move on and meet people, but the people that say this are usually happy, often in relationships and I wonder if they would listen to their own advice if they were broken up with? Perhaps it's something people say when they don't have any other advice to give you?

[theskyisblue]

Though perhaps it's what people say when they really want you to be happy and getting on with your life as well?