bbronco Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hi LoveShack, It's been quite a few months since I was last here heart broken and crushed in my whole break-up mess...but I did want to inspire those of you who find NC so hard and are in constant turmoil over keeping NC or just reaching out! BU Summary: Last July I broke up with my BF of almost 3 years (both in our late 20's) and changed my mind the very next day. When I'd made my decision, I knew it was valid and my friends all supported me for my choice...but once you miss the person and realize your routine as a couple is totally thrown off and you have to consider meeting a new person...then you of course forget the reasons why you broke up and just want the crying to end and go back to how things were. He however, wouldn't have any of it and thought I'd had enough time to think about it, we want different things, I can't flip flop like that, etc etc and from that point on - for the next 8 months - I begged. In 8 months, the longest I managed and quite literally stuggled to keep NC was 3 weeks. Since I broke up with him, I figured the effort and begging had to come from me but I was also distraught..so most of my communications were along the lines of: I'm hurting so much inside (sympathy points), please come over and just cuddle (more sympathy points), come over for dinner so we can just talk (brownie points for cooking a yummy dinner and getting to pour my heart out in person), and I miss you, why are we doing this, I love you (mushy stuff to see if he might also feel the same?). Most of all my efforts were either ignored, or received with his continued efforts to move on and I should do the same. BUT - around January, he finally caved. Out of nowhere. The wall that he'd put up void of all emotions for over 6 months came down and with it were his tears, apologies for being a dick, confessions of how much he'd missed me...I'd been wanting even a scrap of this since our breakup and then suddenly I got it all. Fastforward a month later, we're back together and been going strong since. Now we can joke about how miserable the last summer was and see what a better spot we're in. Of course getting back together after emotional hell isn't easy and I was def. hyper sensitive after having been ignored for 8 months so it took 3 months to get our groove back...but my point is - don't give up and don't over analyse talking to someone! I went against a lot of LoveShack advice and friend advice with my tons of ignored contact only because I knew our relationship was not that toxic and I wasn't a crazy person and it didn't end on grounds of cheating...it was just a funk and since the mostly good parts of our relationship were a majority, I could work off the interest he might potentially have in me and our former relationship. Every time I reached out, he did get the message and it did resonate but he chose to make me feel like **** and ignore it. But all those texts and emails...it holds truth and memories to them and you want to stay fresh and let them know in a sense that the pain is still raw. Almost a form of flattery even though it sucks for us. We could hook up with a random and move on...but it's because we care so much that we get stuck in a sad break up rut, hardly eating, avoiding our friends and everything fun...suffering for a partner that doesn't seem to be suffering the same way. Contact isn't bad and in many cases totally necessary! Hang in there!
Acrobaticdealer Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Great story. Thanks for sharing. I'm going through the same as you were at the beginning. Been 7 weeks since BU and two weeks of no contact so far. The last emial I got from her was saying that I need to move on. But I can't Love her so much! My plan is to give her a few more weeks and then to contact her and just trying to be nice. I'm recording an album ATM so I'm planning on sending her a copy(most of the songs are about her). Maybe that'll trigger something. Not givin up though whatever happens
h2ojoy Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 thanks for the share! no contact is definitely crucial after break ups. but all relationships are different. my relationship with my gf of 2 years ended 3.5 weeks ago, and i haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks. i'm giving myself a month, then i'll talk to her. sometimes we need space in relationships. it doesn't mean they hate you or will move on if they want space. i'm realizing that now. she was the most incredible person in my life. our relationship didn't end on cheating or anything like that. we just had our differences. but love conquers all.
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