New girlfriend still says I LOVE YOU to ex? Why? Need advice..please..thank you

[newguy21]

The girl that i started seeing about 2 months ago is awesome, we have fun together and everything seems to be going good. The problem is she still talks to her ex boyfriend, they are even going on a trip together (read my previous post) and when she talks to him, i hear her say I LOVE YOU too, WHY? I know he tells her that but why does she say it back? Is this normal, can they just have love for each other? Am i making this a bigger deal than what it is? Also she calls him quit often and if she does not hear back from him within 2 days she text messages him to makes sure he is ok, and stuff. I am confused you know. I also know they text message each other almost everyday, he will either start it by wishing her a good day everyday through text messaging and if he does not do it then she writes him. I dont know i am just worried that feelings are still there or maybe feeling will pop up again. You guys think i am worrying too much? I just want some advice, it would be very helpful to me, thank you. Anybody here still talk to an ex girlfriend/boyfriend and still say i love you? Or have this much contact with him or her?

[myownme]

any ex that I have is an ex for a reason! lol Does the ex boyfriend know she is dating you? Have you asked her about it? Told her that it makes you unfomfortable?

[HoldOn]

Wow, man you are one patient dude. I can't think of anyone who would put up with this.

 

I dont know i am just worried that feelings are still there or maybe feeling will pop up again.

 

Ya think? Maybe you think there are still feelings there because they tell each other "I love you." Hmmmmmm. At least they're not being sneaky about it.

 

What is your previous post? If they are going on a trip together I would say you have something to worry about.

 

Doesn't seem this girl is giving herself fully to you.

[supermom]

Also this is highly disrespectful to you.

 

Ask her if you would be able to do the same thing. Or when she's around, even if your talking to your buddy on the phone say "I love you too" (you can explain to your bud later) and see how she reacts to it.

 

I don't think this relationship will go anywhere with her talking to her ex like that.

 

good luck

[TommyGirl]

Does the boyfriend know about you? How about asking her to introduce you as her Boyfriend to her ex- boyfriend? Why did she say they broke up?

[Fritz]

Originally posted by newguy21

The girl that i started seeing about 2 months ago is awesome, we have fun together and everything seems to be going good. The problem is she still talks to her ex boyfriend, they are even going on a trip together (read my previous post) and when she talks to him, i hear her say I LOVE YOU too

 

 

Dude, just break up with her. Everything is not going good. That is total B.S. How can you have any self-respect with what she's doing to you. You're either being used for getting her ex jealous or she's playing both sides. Either way, you're being used.

 

 

The old thread: here

[Love2BLoved]

Before I got married I still held very close relationships with some of my exes but I never in a million years would have told one of them I Love You after breaking up if I had a BF. Sometimes you do care for that person (not as BF and GF) a lot specially if you were together for a long time, but it's just not typical to go around telling them I love you once you have a new BF.

[newguy21]

Thank you all for your opinions and advice. They were together for 8 months and lived together for 6 months, the reason they broke up was because they started acting like an old married couple and stopped going out together and with their friends. She broke up with him because she wanted space and she was not sure if she wanted that type of relationship yet and she felt the spark between them had died down. Well they keep in touch often like i said and they even hang out, watch movies at his house, go dancing, and yep they are going on a trip, read my previuos post "newgirlfriend going on vacation with ex." He does know about me and from what she tells me he does not ever ask about me nor do they talk about relationships either of them may be in. They keep their personal life personal and dont talk about it. They consider themselves best friends and like i said i am just worried, i mean he is older than her and she told me her breakup with him was easy and has gone smoothly, i guess he took it in stride, and never has she been like this with an ex.

 

I dont know him personally but i hear he is a really good guy, nice, has a lot of friends and he never bad mouths me or her since we all kinda have the same friends and aquaintances i would hear quickly if he talked bad. I do know he has told her as long as she is happy he does not care if they are not together, he wants what is best for her, him and the both of them, but still though guys, i feel like what the hell, where do i stand in all this. I mean we hang out a lot, we always go out, but i still fear because i know he is there. I talk to her about it and tell her it bothers me but at the same time i dont want to seem controlling or jealous, and i cant keep her from talking to friends, right? What should i do? You guys think this is normal, not-normal? From a girls perspective why keep an ex around? Guys are any of you cool with your ex? I am confused and may be reading too much into this.......At least she me about their relationship, she is not hiding it, is this good?

[supermom]

I talk to her about it and tell her it bothers me but at the same time i dont want to seem controlling or jealous, and i cant keep her from talking to friends, right?

 

This is not an unreasonable request. Yeah, I still talk to one ex on occasion but nothing like that.

 

To actually say "I love you too" in front of you is just plain DISRESPECT!

 

Also, do you want to deal w/ this issue forever? It's probably not going to change.

[DerangedAngel]

From a girls perspective why keep an ex around?

 

If it's an ex that is still in love with her, (some) girls would keep him around in case a new relationship didn't work out. So she'd have something to fall back on. It happens more than you think.

 

-Deranged

[Olivia_19742004]

Sometimes relationships don't work out and it's not always because those two people stopped loving each other. Sounds to me that they are still very much in love but are not ready to have a fully committed relationship. Sounds like they are taking time to date other people but are still very close and very much in love. I wouldn't take your relationship with her too serious. Sounds like she's just exploring life. She should have told you this when you two first started a relationship. If you just want to date her and have a good time then it doesn't matter how she feels about someone else. However, it seems like she entered a more serious relationship with you and I don't feel she's being fair.

[newguy21]

I knew about him before we got somewhat serious but i did not know it was like this. I thought cool, you guys still talk, i am ok with that, but i had no clue it was like this. I dont want to all of a suuden turn around and be like i am not ok with this, this needs to stop. I also dont feel like they broke up to see other people, it just happened we met and started dating, but i know they did not break up in order to date others, she has told me this, but things happend you know. Anyways i just dont know either cause i know they even talked marriage and she had serious feelings for him and she told her mom even that she thought or felt he was the one she could spend the rest of her life with, so maybe i should just cut my strings now before it gets too serious and i end up getting tossed. It just sucks because we are dating each other only, its not like we are just having fun, but i am just kinda worried and bothered because when they go on their trip, it could all hit the fan and i will be what hits the fan......they are going for 7 days to some romantic getaway.......ahhhhhh.....

[HoldOn]

Ok, I can see that you are really confused here. Let me try to explain...

 

You. are. being. played.

 

Pull the plug on this relationship, because it's already brain dead.

 

This girl is obviously in love with another man. I mean she tells him in front of you. Please tell me what other proof you need. The only worse thing they could do is go on a honeymoon vacation alone... oh yeah, they are already doing it. They sound like a happy couple.

[snilljente]

Ok, I am not sure how old you are, but take it from me...35 years young...RUN. Don't listen to this girl's words...actions speak louder than words and her actions are saying that she loves her ex.....you WILL GET HURT. I agree with the others that said that this is VERY DISRESPECTFUL....believe me...been there and done that once and he ended back with her despite him saying that it was over....when they continue to have contact, there's a reason!

[newguy21]

Im 28 and she is 19 although she is young, she knows what she wants and i decided to just let her go which did not seem to bother her since her ex is still there and even before i said the heck with it, they were having more and more contact and i found out she told him she wanted to work things out with him but take things slowly, well then why would i be here? Well to save myself from this i just stopped talking to her, obviously she wants him even if they take things slow, when its over its over and they are not over, so i am out of this mess. You guys were right and i appreciate your advice........

[HoldOn]

I'm sorry you're sad and I hope that you'll learn something from your experience.

 

Hope you find a great girl soon! But at least you don't have to deal with this nutty girl anymore!

[snilljente]

I agree, you deserve to be with someone who you don't have to share.....I was in the this same situation before and he kept telling me that I was crazy, too jealous...and in the end, he went back to her...if someone has continued contact with an ex beyond hi and bye at the grocery store, there's a reason....You deserve better than someone who puts you through that and in the end, she will learn, likely the hard way..she is very young and no matter what she says, she is immature and still has alot of growing to do...hopefully, some of it will be learning that you have to treat people the way that you want to be treated...take care and find yourself a good woman!

[heartyou247]

okay so your girlfriend is still talk to her ex so is mine. My girlfriend loves me very much but she is going out with her ex. But her ex isnt justa ex shes her best best friend. They were together for along time for about 3 years. They broke up because of cheating. Well my girlfriend and i have been together for 9 months. I trust her very much but my girlfriend NEVER tells her ex she LOVES her.

[clandestinidad]

I'm sooo glad you dropped her! When I was reading through it I was planning on saying "are you okay w/ the girl youre dating loving and having sex with someone else/!?!"

 

But then I read more....so YAAAYYY for you for tossing out that garbage.

[Mr.positive]

Thats really not cool. Shes either playing a game with you or she really likes him.

[JanieQP]

Sorry this didn't work out for you.

 

But for the record, it =i possible to have this much contact and be just friends. I was with my ex for 8 years, there's a lot of stuff that only we 'get' about the other. We also have a couple of work projects (joint clients) together. One guy I dated couldn't deal with this - he always worried that we were in bed together or something. Eh, whatever. He's an ex for a reason, but I'm not throwing the baby out w/ the bathwater.

[krystalboricua]

hey i'm a girl and i know that there is some girls out there that do mean it and some that don't it hurts yea but some girls are stuip and some aren't now i tell a guy i love them when i mean it . there's no point of saying it if u don't mean it. then just don't say it unless u mean it