bulltproof Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I'm 38, and so is she. We met in high school, and fell in love. We had gotten engaged. My family moved my junior year, and she broke up with me. She showed up at my house a few months later, out of the blue, just to visit. I met her a few times back in my hometown. We would date, and hang out. Nothing serious. I moved back with my parents. About 5 years after we had last met, she showed up again. She stayed in a hotel for a few days, and we had sex. She would call me at work, and tell me she wanted to move close to me. I got married to a different girl a few months after the hotel meeting. All through my marriage I would catch myself thinking of her. But I was faithful to my wife. I was married for 12 years, and divorced. I found my sweetheart on myspace. We hit it off immediately. She was married. We would meet, and have sex. We connected more than we ever did before. She divorced her husband. She says it was because she was unhappy, and it had nothing to do with the affair we were having. Our love grew by leaps and bounds. I never had a girl make me feel the way she did. She moved in with me after her divorce. And soon all those good qualities seemed to fade. She became very clingy. She was very emotional. If I didn't call by a certain time, she would get angry. I suggested counseling. It took a lot, but she finally went. She attended counseling for a year. I still didn't see any changes. She still acted abnormal. I told her I would go to counseling with her. Within 3 sessions her therapist suggested bipolar. I feel that while she was attending counseling alone she wasn't as open about sharing her life. The counselor suggested some separation. And a psychological evaluation for her. I told her I would help her any way I could. As the months wore on she became worse. She would throw things and get violent. Her grades in college suffered. Her sleep patterns were very odd. She would cry a lot. It got to the point that anyone I talked to was a "girl I was cheating with". She lived with me for over a year at this point. I told her she had to leave. She told my mom she was homeless, and my mother took her in. She stayed there for about a month. Then she moved in right behind me. Her evaluation said she was bipolar according to her. She has been taking depakote, melatonin, and Paxil. We started to talk again. And even some light dating. She kept pressing the issue of marriage. She even proposed. I declined. We still dated, but nothing serious. She asked me a week ago if we could work on a serious relationship. I told her yes. Six days ago I called her and a guy answered her phone. This is her boyfriend now. I was in shock. I still am. She sent me an email yesterday morning at 6am asking me if I was still awake. That's all the email said. Her not sleeping would indicate a mania phase, right? When I sent her an email telling her I was confused why she contacted me, she replied "leave me the f--k alone. I met the man of my dreams and I just wanted u to know that last night". Any thoughts on this?^^^ Also, I found out her new man has multiple arrests. Domestic violence, assault, threatening, and a few others. She is studying criminal justice at a local college. So her involvement with this guy is totally out of character. I want to tell her I still love her. I'm fairly certain we will meet again when she gets her head together. Should I try to talk to her?
Author bulltproof Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 She brings a lot of good. She is the most supporting woman I have ever met.
lemonlime Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 If she has bipolar disorder and shes not showing the capability to control it, then you need to think about what you want very carefully. She may always be like this. Would you want to go through this every time she has a manic episode?
louisehawley6 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I think you should give her some time. Don't contact her but I don't think you should continue to be a 'doormat'. From what you have said you sound like an extremley nice and caring person and you deserve to be with someone who is equally caring and nice towards you and your feelings. I personally have never suffered from Bipolar but I do suffer from panic attacks and anxiety and even though to begin with my partner stuck by me in the end it took its toll on our relationship i knew he loved me but it was too much for him. I have took it upon myself to get help and I have seen a huge improvement as have my parents and friends. However, my ex has decided to cut me out of his life. She should feel lucky to have a guy that is willing to go through all of the things you have and still stick around. You have done enough now, if she is not willing to help herself than you need to walk away. There are many people out there that will love and respect you for the kind hearted person that you clearly are. But do not get taken for a ride. I know you love her, but right now she is not showing you the love or respect that you deserve.
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 my honest opinion, based on the past that you had, she was a cheater. she cheated on her husband, and now her severe insecurity about YOU cheating is what she's displacing on you from her behavior. i don't know that it's an issue you'll be able to help her with, this is her battle. 1
Author bulltproof Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Well I resisted the urge to go talk to her. Good thing I did. It turns out he's still there. Nice to know she has a judgement flaw that allows her to think bringing home a man she justet is ok. I also heard she's taking him to meet her parents today. This is all a little weird. I'm doing my best to let her go. But it's hard. She was my first love. She's been such a big part of my life for the past 22 years. I do believe we could have a good relationship. But maybe now isn't the time.
flitzanu Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Well I resisted the urge to go talk to her. Good thing I did. It turns out he's still there. Nice to know she has a judgement flaw that allows her to think bringing home a man she justet is ok. I also heard she's taking him to meet her parents today. This is all a little weird. I'm doing my best to let her go. But it's hard. She was my first love. She's been such a big part of my life for the past 22 years. I do believe we could have a good relationship. But maybe now isn't the time. some people are just too far broken to help mend. keep your head up and keep this troubled woman out of your life.
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Supporting your mate through rough time is not a rare quality, you can definitively find someone else, without the drama and the baggage. Do you have a hard time letting go of her or of your youth?
Author bulltproof Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Supporting your mate through rough time is not a rare quality, you can definitively find someone else, without the drama and the baggage. Do you have a hard time letting go of her or of your youth? It's her. She has been in and out of my life for 22 years. It would all be different if she wasn't willing to try to be a better person. But she is. This latest episode is nothing like her. She has cut off all outside communication. Actually I think it's the new guy that has done that. He is a control freak.
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