Men & Dating....A Growing Trend.

[jobaba]

I get what you're saying...

The reality of the world we live in is, men are to lead in a relationship, hence they must approach. The chemicals inside us, are supposed to help us get to what and where we want. Both men and women face rejection. The difference is, undersocialized men tend to hold it inside long term, and dissolve their own self-confidence/self-image with it. One rejection can last years.

 

Good point.

 

This one is easy to explain.

 

If you yourself are able to reject people, you can internalize rejection a lot better. I was discussing my rejections with my sister and she has rejected men before, so she is able to take rejection more as a "some reject you, you reject some" kind of deal. Similar to how I used to treat auditioning for bands. Some don't want to play with me. I don't want to play with some. But I don't ever hold it against the bands who reject me, because I have rejected a lot of bands.

 

When you haven't rejected anybody or barely anybody (or anybody who has REALLY liked you), it is a lot harder to internalize and it eats up your self esteem.

 

There are also females in this situation who deal badly with it. A regular poster here regularly brings up men who have tossed her aside for better women. She is unable to get past rejection because she has not been able to really reject men herself. It's not a gender thing.

 

All in all, it's a really crappy place to be. You could be hung up or bitter over a person for years, and that person probably hasn't even given you a second thought since two weeks after they rejected/dumped you. The worst spot to be in dating world...

Edited July 19, 2012 by jobaba

[Teal]

Why should a person date? Is it truly something inherently required or bad not to do?

 

Probably not required, but probably lonesome without. I've met a few people in the 30+ and even 40+ range who are doing fine on their own, but usually if someone hasn't had any experience in their twenties, it isn't because they didn't want it.

 

I get the feeling I'm missing something with this question.

[Lonely Ronin]

Good point.

 

This one is easy to explain.

 

If you yourself are able to reject people, you can internalize rejection a lot better. I was discussing my rejections with my sister and she has rejected men before, so she is able to take rejection more as a "some reject you, you reject some" kind of deal. Similar to how I used to treat auditioning for bands. Some don't want to play with me. I don't want to play with some. But I don't ever hold it against the bands who reject me, because I have rejected a lot of bands.

 

When you haven't rejected anybody or barely anybody (or anybody who has REALLY liked you), it is a lot harder to internalize and it eats up your self esteem.

 

There are also females in this situation who deal badly with it. A regular poster here regularly brings up men who have tossed her aside for better women. She is unable to get past rejection because she has not been able to really reject men herself. It's not a gender thing.

 

All in all, it's a really crappy place to be. You could be hung up or bitter over a person for years, and that person probably hasn't even given you a second thought since two weeks after they rejected/dumped you. The worst spot to be in dating world...

 

This an excellent post jobaba, I commend you.

[somedude81]

Good point.

 

This one is easy to explain.

 

If you yourself are able to reject people, you can internalize rejection a lot better. I was discussing my rejections with my sister and she has rejected men before, so she is able to take rejection more as a "some reject you, you reject some" kind of deal. Similar to how I used to treat auditioning for bands. Some don't want to play with me. I don't want to play with some. But I don't ever hold it against the bands who reject me, because I have rejected a lot of bands.

 

When you haven't rejected anybody or barely anybody (or anybody who has REALLY liked you), it is a lot harder to internalize and it eats up your self esteem.

 

There are also females in this situation who deal badly with it. A regular poster here regularly brings up men who have tossed her aside for better women. She is unable to get past rejection because she has not been able to really reject men herself. It's not a gender thing.

 

All in all, it's a really crappy place to be. You could be hung up or bitter over a person for years, and that person probably hasn't even given you a second thought since two weeks after they rejected/dumped you. The worst spot to be in dating world...

You can only reject somebody if they like you.

 

I wonder what it would feel like for somebody to tell me, "I like you. Please like me too."

 

It's impossible for me to imagine.

[Radu]

Good point.

 

This one is easy to explain.

 

If you yourself are able to reject people, you can internalize rejection a lot better. I was discussing my rejections with my sister and she has rejected men before, so she is able to take rejection more as a "some reject you, you reject some" kind of deal. Similar to how I used to treat auditioning for bands. Some don't want to play with me. I don't want to play with some. But I don't ever hold it against the bands who reject me, because I have rejected a lot of bands.

 

When you haven't rejected anybody or barely anybody (or anybody who has REALLY liked you), it is a lot harder to internalize and it eats up your self esteem.

 

There are also females in this situation who deal badly with it. A regular poster here regularly brings up men who have tossed her aside for better women. She is unable to get past rejection because she has not been able to really reject men herself. It's not a gender thing.

 

All in all, it's a really crappy place to be. You could be hung up or bitter over a person for years, and that person probably hasn't even given you a second thought since two weeks after they rejected/dumped you. The worst spot to be in dating world...

 

Bloody spot on.

When i wanted to pull myself out i had to desensitize myself to rejection.

And the few times i have rejected some ppl [not in dating], it felt sooooo goood.

As messed up as it sounds, it boosted my self-esteem for a while afterwards.

[brahmabull117]

there is a very simple and obvious reason for this

 

 

 

Men have no standards when it comes to sex. Women have just as high standards for sex as they do often for dating IMO

[KansasChica]

I think many of these men that the OP is referring to may have been raised in a broken home or a single-parent household, where the parent is the mother. The men lacked a strong father figure while they were kids.

 

I'm curious- how can this affect men?

[KansasChica]

My ex was raised by a single mom who went through a series of bad relationships. I know it's affected him and I wish he would seek out therapy for it. He's very passive, insecure, conflict avoidant, etc. He's terrified of rejection as well. Sigh...