Binky62 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hi, Me and my ex boyfriend broke up just under 2 years ago. We were together for a year. In short he started the relationship not taking me seriously but then half way through decided he really liked me and wanted to take us seriously. I never gave him much attention throughout and this bothered him a lot. I felt like he messed me around as he was never sure about what he wanted. He also had a problem with the age gap at times (I was 22 he was 28). When we broke up we were both unhappy. He was especially unhappy and depressed with his life and his job (he was always ambitious had realised he was never going to be a high flyer). Pretty much as soon as we split he decided to go traveling for a year. We never talked again, deleted each others number and removed ourselves from social networking sites. In Feb out of the blue I got an email from him asking how I was, saying he had missed me and had a good time on his travels. I ignored it. Another month passed and he had found me on Facebook and again emailed me and added me as a friend (I had previously blocked him). I again ignored him. Then two weeks after I walked into a bar and he happened to be in there. He didn't come over for a while as I was with all my friends but eventually he came over and started talking. He asked me if i was seeing someone and how i was. He wanted to meet up for drinks sometime soon and hang out, and asked for my mobile number. I gave it to him and said maybe. So we have been on a lot of dates since. We have talked about the past and what went wrong. He says he messed up a lot and now realises the age gap wasn't important. He wants to be in a relationship with me again. But I can't seem to stop thinking why now. Another thing that bothers me is that he has met and slept with other girls since we have been split up and I know he went on a couple of dates pretty soon with a new girl at his work before he went traveling. I can't seem to remove this from my mind, and think to myself well I can't have been that important. Is it possible to get over this? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thanks
TaraMaiden Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 In your shoes? I really wouldn't give him any hope, or the time of day.... "I've had my fun, globe-trotted, seen the world, screwed a few chicks, but now, I'm back, and you've got a chance to keep me. How 'bout it schweetheart...?" *Fast double tongue-click and wink*. Gee, what an offer! let me think about that for a second - no. That's what it sounds like, and I could be completely wrong, but I'd never let myself be anybody's second option, back-up plan. 1
hopelessromantic29 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I kinda have been in a similar situation. I dated this guy 2 years after a crazy off and on relationship with a guy for 6 years. I wasn't looking for anyone and remained single for 2 yrs until this guy came along. His name was Kevin, and he was the best guy I've ever known. He just got out of a crazy relationship as well, and we seem to click very easily. Needless to say, I fell for him instantly. We dated for about 4 months, until his ex showed up again trying to win him back. He felt that he needed to try again for himself, so I let him go. After 6 months with her, things didn't work out. I tried to forget him, but I couldn't. Every guy didn't compare. He was what I dreamt of. Then, he called me and asked me out. It took me some time, but I eventually gave in. We dated for a year after that, and we progressed nicely, but the relationship still ended. I'm torn, but I'm glad that I followed my heart and went for it. I don't have any what ifs lingering around my head. I do know that the heart wants what the heart wants, and if you try to push it away, you'll always be left wondering. So don't be afraid to take chances. These moments are the ones that help makes become stronger and learn more about ourselves. I honestly hoped for the best, but now I know. I tried and we failed. Don't be afraid to look like a fool.... when you're in love, everyone is a fool. I hope this helps.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 In your shoes? I really wouldn't give him any hope, or the time of day.... "I've had my fun, globe-trotted, seen the world, screwed a few chicks, but now, I'm back, and you've got a chance to keep me. How 'bout it schweetheart...?" *Fast double tongue-click and wink*. Gee, what an offer! let me think about that for a second - no. That's what it sounds like, and I could be completely wrong, but I'd never let myself be anybody's second option, back-up plan. There's an equal chance it's more like "I was unhappy at the time, left and tried to move on. I realized how important you are, and want a second chance to fix it." For ****'s sake you guys are awfully pessimistic...
LogicallyIllogical Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 There's an equal chance it's more like "I was unhappy at the time, left and tried to move on. I realized how important you are, and want a second chance to fix it." For ****'s sake you guys are awfully pessimistic... Dude...we're not pessimistic. You're projecting your own hopes into the threads of other people who are looking for objective advice. Anyway, why is he contacting you after a year? Probably one of two reasons: 1. He was with someone else, it didn't work out and he's looking for a soft spot to land. 2. He took you for granted, thought he could do better and found that he couldn't. 2
Gulf-Delta Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Dude...we're not pessimistic. You're projecting your own hopes into the threads of other people who are looking for objective advice. Anyway, why is he contacting you after a year? Probably one of two reasons: 1. He was with someone else, it didn't work out and he's looking for a soft spot to land. 2. He took you for granted, thought he could do better and found that he couldn't. :rolleyes: I love how everyone here tihnk's they're psychic... "You're doing this." "He's thinking this". "You're trying this" Yak, yak, yak...cheep up folks. The world is not a giant dark cloud 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Oh yeah? Prove it. Face it - people in general are disappointing. This is why ultimately, the one relationship it is vital to cultivate, make secure happy and contented - is the one with yourself, because in the end, ultimately we are all we have, that's reliable, dependable and a 100% sure safe bet. 1
neverbackdown Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Stop seeking advice about what YOU should do. You have an opportunity to go back with him. Do YOU feel like giving him a second chance ? Do YOU think you'll be happy with him ? Don't take the answers to make your choice. You must feel what's right ! Nobody here could give a better answer than you
Gulf-Delta Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Oh yeah? Prove it. Face it - people in general are disappointing. This is why ultimately, the one relationship it is vital to cultivate, make secure happy and contented - is the one with yourself, because in the end, ultimately we are all we have, that's reliable, dependable and a 100% sure safe bet. Happiness being alone is a lie and is counter to basic human instinct. As for having to prove that life doesn't suck....you're alive huh?
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Happiness being alone is a lie and is counter to basic human instinct. As for having to prove that life doesn't suck....you're alive huh? nobody is ever alone - and there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I know plenty of people who have no partner, but are more content and far happier that way. Loneliness or togetherness, is a choice, and when you make that choice, and realise that your reactions to that choice, are also a choice, life becomes simpler. Life is what you make it - not what expectations you have of others, to make it for you.
neverbackdown Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 nobody is ever alone - and there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I know plenty of people who have no partner, but are more content and far happier that way. Loneliness or togetherness, is a choice, and when you make that choice, and realise that your reactions to that choice, are also a choice, life becomes simpler. Life is what you make it - not what expectations you have of others, to make it for you. I'll go with my quote of the day : The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today
Recommended Posts