Jason02 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 So this is just going to be me ranting off. I know its good to write out what you feel, and if anyone would like to respond please feel free to do so. I can alway use an independent unbias perspective. So some people will know my story, i have been posting here for a while now. but just to summarize. was with my gf for 6 years. about two months ago she said she wasn't happy. she needed a break. I was devistated, but i told her ok. I'm not going to beg or plead for her to stay. We had NC to LC throughout these two months. It was mostly done by me. She only texted me once or twice, and just one or two text messages at a time. We never officially ended it, and when we started talking again, the first day she acted and talked to me like we never broke up. I had contacted her to just tell her that we are over. the break will be a break up so i wouldn't be living in a state of limbo wondering if she would ever come back. That was about 2 weeks ago. That day we went for a walk at a forest preserve by where she lives. It started off akward, but as we progress we got more and more comfortable with each other. She told me that she felt frustrated and like we were stuck in a routine each week. That she felt unwanted and unloved because i would never ask her lets hang out. she said every week was the same thing, and i admitted that i kind of did stop trying. I didn't ask her to do things throughout the week and let her because she always works late so I didn't ask becuase i figured she would let me know when she is available. But i realized I did take her for granted like she would always be there, but i would change that. I would show her how special she is to me and how things can be different. Eventually that we ended up back at her place and sleeping together. I thought we were going to be alright but i still had my guard up. The next couple of days i tried to act more normal and text her, but i could tell something was up. She took forever to reply to me. about 15-20 min in between texts. I told her I was trying to make this work but im not sure how much of the old me to bring to this new relationship. She said thank you she apprciates it and that we should just take it slow and see where we end up. That i shouldn't overanalyze things because that would make her nervous and feel pressured. I agree to take things slow, but that i wouldn't know how exactly. But i would try. Things were slowly progressing, but i found that little voice inside my head saying she was heistating. Last friday we met up for some ice cream, after she had me waiting over an hour for her at the shop parking lot. she told me about all these plans she had for the future, which i realize really didn't involve me. how she was planning on visiting one of her oldest guy friend that lives in Calif. even with what happened i still trust her. I know she wouldn't do anything because this guy is engaged, but i just told her what would she think if that was me visiting a old friend who is a girl? she always used to get jealous when i talked to friends who were girls. I told her i loved her and that these girls are nothing compared to her. which was true. in those 6 years i never once cheated on her. So i finally after all that I told her i felt like i was the only one trying that i didn't feel like she was. i tried the two previous days to hang out with her, but she canceled on me last min cause she had to work late. she just said it was hard to go from living on just doing what she wants when she wants to going to a routine of seeing someone. She had for the past two months just focused on her and no one else. I told her i am not trying to make her feel like i should be her number 1 priority, but that i would hope i would have some sense of priority. She said she was feeling frustrated and pressured and she didn't want to say or do anything that she would regret later. so she said lets just talk about this some other time and we just left. before we did i came up to her and told her im sorry if you felt i was attacking you and pressuring you. It wasn't my intentions. I just wanted you to know how i felt so i didn't feel like you just didn't know. I gave her a kiss and walked away. I didnt talk to her sat or sun becuase if figured we need some time to cool off. We never said who would call who first, so come monday i called her. She didn't answer and never responded. Not even text saying she was busy. nothing. she has never done that. I just wonder did i do wrong? Should have i not told her how i felt? A part of me is happy i did, that i got it out there. but the other half wonders if i shouldn't have. Everyone told me to let her call me, but i thought no i will not live like the last two months waiting on her. but now i wonder if i should have listen. It's just so weird how 3 months ago i was a different person. I was planning on asking her to marry me in the fall. I was planning on buying a house with her next year. and now i don't know where i'll be in 6 months. My whole future plans are a mystery to me. she and i always use to talk about getting married, having kids, how we would spend our weekends visiting family. but now she just doesn't seem to want that. What felt worst was her telling me that the head over heels feeling of love for me she always had just isn't there anymore. She said she does still have feelings for me. but not the bright buring amount she had before. i don't either but it was slowly coming back these past two weeks we were talking. life just throws strange curve balls at you sometimes. if you made it this far, appreciate it. if not thanks for trying. i'll add more to this as thoughts and ideas come to my head. sort of like an online journal.
Author Jason02 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 It's strange how someone's simple response can mean the world to us. Now I know you shouldn't pin your happiness to someone else. I have learned not to. Talk to me a few months ago and I was a complete different person. I would have said yes you can. But i've learn to live on my own doing my own things, but I'd still like to try to make it work. However, i know a relationship takes two people to make it work. One person can't do all the heavey lifting on their own. eventually they will get tired or realize the truth. A part of me thinks this is what happens, but the other part of me realizes i should have taken my second chance as a first chance. Don't expect to date the same person the second time around and expect them to be the same one. That person is long gone. As much as you idealize what you had together, how you acted together, it's in the past. It, you, us, no longer exist. As much as you want to go back there to that level of happiness, you can't. you can only try to reach another level.
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