CMH309 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 [i’ve been dating a guy for a bit (about 6 months). We are exclusive (had the “talk”)...He hasn’t said he loves me (actually he says he is unsure). Anyway last night he sent a text. “I meant what I said that whether we end up together forever or find out we’re not in love, I consider you a very good friend and will be there for you whenever you need me with no questions asked”. It’s really a sweet text I am not arguing that- and I know he cares for me but I’m starting to feel like he has no romantic feelings for me- He calls every day, we see one another at least 4 nights a week, I’ve been introduced to his kids, and I adore them, but something just doesn’t feel right… I feel loved but not desired. Is this ok to feel in a relationship (especially a new one)? Is this how love works? I know both him and I are maybe a little too rational, but I also know in the beginning of our relationship he once said, “I just don’t feel that spark, though I don’t know if you’re supposed to”…. Help, Hang in or let it go (I guess I should say that I really, really do love this man. I have told him I loved him, but followed it up with, I’m still not certain we work, but I care about you)
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 He wants to feel it but he just doesn't. Honestly, I would move on. He is just going to break your heart.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 From a guys point of view, you have made a verbal announcement that you will put him in the dreaded "friend-zone". No, you did not say those exact words. You also may not feel that way. But that's what I heard. When I hear that, it's over. I'm out unless you make some serious attempt to clarify you don't want to be "friends". Friends=No Sex In the majority, a guy does not want to be your friend. I'm not stating this to thread drift for replies/arguments from people that have friends of the opposite sex. That does exist some. Remember though, I said in the MAJORITY. And it is such a high majority, it's pretty safe to say that men don't want to be "friends" with women in the traditional sense the way you think of your girlfriends. They want to have sex with you. Sexual relationship is NOT the same as friends. The men that say they want to be friends, in the majority, are lying to you. It gets easier to understand once you accept this.
Author CMH309 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 StrangeBehaviors, I would agree with you, but our relationship is a little different as it is he that doesn't want sex. We have had sex (3 times), but due to his medication it doesn't end up well and very rarely happens.... Maybe this is why I feel like we don't have any connection (and I know this lack of sex is not because of his lack of desire for me or anything like that so...)
Author CMH309 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I guess really what I am asking is when do you know the love will grow and when do you just say you don't love me the way I want to be loved so I'm going to find someone who does.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Really think about what you've said is going on and what I have said. All women should read it as well in my opinion. The sexual relationship is not there. Either by friend-zone, incompatibility in the bedroom, medical condition, or whatever other reason. And he is backing away and not wanting to be friends with you. Just as I said.
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