jmjacobs31 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 today is day 1 of NC. I spent 12 years with my ex. He broke it off 3 months ago and still wants contact and to see our dogs that are now living with me. I just can't have anymore contact with him because its only making things harder for me. this is going to be really hard.... I hope I can do It.
whywhy Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hang in there, until I found this website, I thought I was alone, were here if you need us.
Ruby65 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Good for you for taking this step to protect yourself from the added pain of contact! I'm always shocked by dumpers who think they have a right to insist on contact after a breakup. And visiting the dogs? Sorry, but YOUR feelings take priority over dogs and exes. Keep posting, you'll find lots of support here!
Author jmjacobs31 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 thanks! its going to be hard as he's already coming up with excuses for the need for us to communicate. we also share a huge chunk of friends so i know we Will end up talking eventually I just need a break from all of this.
Jason02 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 be firm. tell him you don't want to talk unless it's an emergency. if anything you should consider blocking his number from your phone so he can't contact you. and for yourself so you'll know he can't and wont be waiting for his phone call.
Ruby65 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 be firm. tell him you don't want to talk unless it's an emergency. if anything you should consider blocking his number from your phone so he can't contact you. and for yourself so you'll know he can't and wont be waiting for his phone call. If there's no kids, there's no emergency that would justify contact after a breakup. I wouldn't even leave that door open. I'm a huge dog lover --- but "pet visitation" doesn't cut it as a valid reason for contact either. It's just an excuse for him to gain free access into your life in the future. And as for your mutual friends -- REAL friends choose sides. (hahhahahaa -- just kidding! Well, sort of. ) The point is, since there's no kids, YOU get to be the one to decide if and when you ever see or hear from again.
Author jmjacobs31 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks guys! There is no way in hell he is seeing the dogs! He gets rid of me gets rid of the dogs! Our mutual friends we have known for 14 years so there is not much "side taking" but they are all very understandable about the situation and It really should not cause a problem. Bring on day 2!
BrokenAnna Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I know how you feel! The ex and I were also dating for 12 years and I broke it off due to my jealous nature and a huge misunderstanding. It's been a few months and I have only recently made contact and re-established a friendship with him. I really hope you do a lot better than I did, if not please use this forum for support and vent your anger as I can promise you there will be some tough times ahead.
Shaun1967 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 today is day 1 of NC. I spent 12 years with my ex. He broke it off 3 months ago and still wants contact and to see our dogs that are now living with me. I just can't have anymore contact with him because its only making things harder for me. this is going to be really hard.... I hope I can do It. You do what you need to do for yourself, no one else. I feel your pain, I get good days and bad days! The better days are when I dont see her for sure. Why do the dumpers still make contact with the dumpee? Is it some sort of power or confidence thing? or are they reassuring themselves that you are OK? Is there a pattern to when he visits - maybe when you could be more social, like the weekends? My wife seems to make an effort towards the end of the working week - and I do feel that its to ease her conscience. NC would not allow her to do this and maybe unsettle her, maybe! I was dumped about 3 months ago after 25 years and my wife still comes and walks the dog whilst I am at work - as I do shifts. She still has a front door key to let herself in etc..... is that madness?
ICE911 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 today is day 1 of NC. I spent 12 years with my ex. He broke it off 3 months ago and still wants contact and to see our dogs that are now living with me. I just can't have anymore contact with him because its only making things harder for me. this is going to be really hard.... I hope I can do It. Are the dogs that important to you? What if you told him to take the dogs? That way he would not be abe to use the dogs as an excuse to contact you. Aloso, maybe try and tell him to not even bother contacting you unless he wants to discuss getting back together.....if you woud even want that.
Author jmjacobs31 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 He is unable to give the dogs the care they need. He can work up to 80 hours a week sometimes. I am just going to have to ignore his emails or texts if he sends them. I think hes is going through G.I.G.S. so he is wanting to keep tabs on me just in case he changes his mind. His brother's family is in town next week and he seems to think its my job to give them a tour of the city, another reason we cant go NC Yet. I plan on seeing them as they have been like family to me since we started dating but I can see them without talking to my ex about it. It might work if I tell him not to contact me unless he wants to try and work things out...I should tell him that...
Author jmjacobs31 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 You do what you need to do for yourself, no one else. I feel your pain, I get good days and bad days! The better days are when I dont see her for sure. Why do the dumpers still make contact with the dumpee? Is it some sort of power or confidence thing? or are they reassuring themselves that you are OK? Is there a pattern to when he visits - maybe when you could be more social, like the weekends? My wife seems to make an effort towards the end of the working week - and I do feel that its to ease her conscience. NC would not allow her to do this and maybe unsettle her, maybe! I was dumped about 3 months ago after 25 years and my wife still comes and walks the dog whilst I am at work - as I do shifts. She still has a front door key to let herself in etc..... is that madness? It is MADNESS! You are crazy! I am sure my ex would have agreed to some sort of arrangement with our dogs as you have but I would want to shoot myself if I had to deal with him on a regular basis... I dont know how you do it!
Shaun1967 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 It is MADNESS! You are crazy! I am sure my ex would have agreed to some sort of arrangement with our dogs as you have but I would want to shoot myself if I had to deal with him on a regular basis... I dont know how you do it! Thanks for this guys and girls - its hard to see the obvious sometimes. Left her a letter today telling her I want NC and the door keys back, I will sort the dog out myself. Interesting times ahead and hopefully a good step forward. Still work in the same place though, luckily enough she is in a different building......
Author jmjacobs31 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Thanks for this guys and girls - its hard to see the obvious sometimes. Left her a letter today telling her I want NC and the door keys back, I will sort the dog out myself. Interesting times ahead and hopefully a good step forward. Still work in the same place though, luckily enough she is in a different building...... Good for you. I feel like if he gave up me, he avenue the dogs. I'm not going to sacrifice my well being so he can see our dogs, well I guess they are my dogs now. luckily l can bring my dogs to work with me so that helps a ton. let me know what she says!
Shaun1967 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Good for you. I feel like if he gave up me, he avenue the dogs. I'm not going to sacrifice my well being so he can see our dogs, well I guess they are my dogs now. luckily l can bring my dogs to work with me so that helps a ton. let me know what she says! Got in from work - the letter had gone which I wrote the dog had been walked and fed as normal and the house keys had been posted back through the letter box..... so far so good - I do feel quite empowered about this and I am taking control of my life and not being a doormat! I feel like I wimped out on writing a letter but it would have upset me to say it - and its about me now!! it also never gave her an opportunity to say anything, and there was no letter from her. Lets see what happens. NC day 1 - here we go!
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