Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I can't imagine it now but then when I was 21, I felt men above 30 are gross. Now I find them attractive. Yeah, but at Senior Citizen age, there is a VERY small pool of attractive people (physically), the ones that have managed to age gracefully beyond 55 are just gifted with good looks and genetics or some "gene" that allows them to look good at an older age. Just imagine the movie "Grump Old Men" when the old farts (men) were drooling over Sophia Loren. LOL There's always that ONE woman that some how surpasses other senior citizens in the looks dept. Anyhow, there's this one woman in my area on a dating site, age 40, single, never married and no children. Must've been on the site for years, said her longest lasting relationship was LESS than a year, which is unique for her age....and I was wondering if THAT was due to her unrealistic expectations. She actually added something to her profile in regards to how she has come to realize that she'll never meet her "one" online, and now would just be open to making new friends if things don't turn into anything romantic. And she was preferring a man who had no kids of his own.....and since I was probably the only man her age that had no kids that contacted her, she still wouldn't give me a shot. lol Considering her geographic location she might wind up dying alone. Better to just relocate to a MAJOR metro area, like New York, Bean town, or Chicago. I read those were one of the top major areas to meet avail. singles. I think Seattle was another.
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Leigh, chances are that we are of the same personality type when it comes to dating. There are certain people that won't give it time, it's black and white with them. I knew of a woman that said, if she's a social gathering of people, and if certain men approach her that she doesn't find even remotely physically attracted, she will not even engage in small party talk with them nor will have any desire to answer their questions. She had admittedly blew them off IN public as cold as that sounds. So it's ALL or NOTHING with some people, unlike us. Some people, unfortunately, don't buy into the "Well, maybe I'll grow on them/me" mentality, even though that's the only thing I have to rely on myself. I go for average guys who are at or a little BELOW average in appearance. I am only average ish myself, after all. But I am attractive to some men, and have had some good looking me interested in me for more than sex. While I have attracted good looking men, I feel safer with average to below average men. Regardless of how secure I am with who I am, I would always feel threatened with a great looking man - because as " amazing" as I am to them, there are plenty if " amazing" good looking women. There would simply be too much competition, even if I was a GREAT person and partner who he was amazed by. BUT not ALL cases work out that way! A LOT of people TRY to get past a lack of physical attraction, and it back fires! I got lucky, in that NEITHER of us were THAT attracted at first glance, but we GREW to ber attracted. Very attracted at times. Enough to be sexually aroused and not feel we got " the short straw" with our partner. I just fine it very EASY to become attracted to average or slightly below average men; these are men that I am neutral towards at first glance, who I become really attracted to. Futhermore - good looks onyl get your foot through the door. SOMETIMES, average looking or less then average looking people, are forced into regular contact with GOOD looking people of the opposite sex... bonds can and DO occur between good looking and LESS good looking people! But it only normally occurs through forced contact.. but it is still a genuine relationship and attraction; it us just natural to use looks as a guide at first glance, so it takes getting to know a less good looking person, before you view them as dating material.
Majoras Mask Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 This thread makes me laugh. I'm apparently attractive to men, (so I'm told - It's all relative), I lack a bit of social skills and fall into the nerdy/quirky category so I assume it's mostly based on my looks that I attract men. ie; the sporty, preppy, show-offy, 6 pack ab knuckleheads that I can't stand. Meanwhile the 300+lb average Joe (to everyone else he's average-he would never be average to me) that makes me smile, laugh, that is my #1 best friend who I have every nerdy thing in common with and who I can't keep my hands and mind away from is rejecting me, friend-zoning ME. Asking out an unattractive obese girl. Nice. And yes...I've told him how I feel. I don't think there is any rhyme or reason to any of it. All I know is it is a bit hit to my self confidence. I'm sad again now.
Negative Nancy Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Good point. Some men here tend to be snide to women for not wanting to date/have a relationship with someone who is not attractive to them, all the while having their own standards below which they do not wanting to date. Quoted for telling it like it is.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I don't agree with you though. I believe women have a baseline physical attraction level that must be met before any other traits are considered and that this is an unconscious process. I also believe that owing to this, woman are not perfectly aware that they subconsciously do this. Then how are you aware of it? It would have no behavioral manifestations, really. There are unattractive people (male and female) that are less than gorgeous and have great Rs and sex lives and happy pairings and the like, with people of various levels of attractiveness. They truly exist. Almost everyone has seen at least one. "People do it subconsciously" without any behavior examples as to how you KNOW that is just kind of a cop out, IMO. I do however agree with jobaba on: To her, you won't be the short, unattractive guy. You'll just be a guy. And that's the thing. Well, except I disagree on the wording - she may still see you as 'short' which on its own really isn't an ugly word (neither is fat as a pure descriptor, honestly). It's just an identifying feature. But the shortness won't be like, "Oh, well, he's short BUT. . . " or anything. It'll just be the same as recognizing he's blond or whatever. There's a very big difference between saying you don't feel any raw attraction to someone or have any romantic interest and THEN looking to consider their other characteristics (I'm not sure the merit of that process, honestly, though it works for some apparently) and saying you DO, in fact, feel raw attraction to them through the holistic interaction with them, which can include physical looks and a lot of other factors. Every person's attraction matrix is truly unique. However, if someone feels they have to "get over" some physical trait, then no, they are not truly attracted in the same way. Perhaps attraction could grow. I'm really not sure.
Radu Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Good point. Some men here tend to be snide to women for not wanting to date/have a relationship with someone who is not attractive to them, all the while having their own standards below which they do not wanting to date. Men and women have different standards of beauty. I'd dare say that men have more general standards of beauty, a base common denominator if you will, while women are more picky but also more willing to go past physichal beauty. Not to mention our significantly different biology, men don't stop being able to have kids at 40. There is however a relative way out for bald men, particular from the "friar tuck" victims: doing a full-on head shave. It can work nicely enough, depending on your facial beauty. It does make you more streamlined, but you have to do daily maintenance ... too lazy, no thanks.
Disillusioned Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Lately, I've met a couple of rather attractive women that are having a hard time finding men who want a LONG term relationship. I know these ladies on an acquainted level, and I was having a conversation with ONE of them in regards to this, and that's when I said, "I'm looking for something serious, how about we grab a bite to eat?" Well, that's where the brakes had been put on, and she became evasive, or changed the subject. We all know why, right? Physical Attraction. If the guy is bald or too short, she won't have a long term relationship with that guy , plain and simple. So what's a woman to do? Start dating the bald or short guy? Nuthin' wrong with dating a bald or short guy, if he treats her right. I can totally understand that an attractive woman would feel frustrated... maybe she doesn't want to be a notch on some guy's belt.
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 You know what's funny, I've even emailed women that were somewhat on the heavy set side, but for some reason I thought they had cute eyes and a smile...and they STILL wouldn't respond to me.
Radu Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well, it is online dating, why do you continue with it ?
seachangeoflove Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) You know what's funny, I've even emailed women that were somewhat on the heavy set side, but for some reason I thought they had cute eyes and a smile...and they STILL wouldn't respond to me. what is with this "OMG shes FAT and STILL rejected me!!!" butthurt I see here all the time. It seems many men feel that fat girls are OBLIGATED to date them, since they clearly must have NO options. Is getting rejected by a bigger girl that much of a crushing blow? That's like me saying "yeah, sure Im UGLY but he HAS NO JOB!!! He SHOULD date me" I am 36, average looking and financially well off...I was rejected by a guy who was 41 had no job, no car and lived with his parents. NO plans to change ANY of those things. We went on a date, I paid for my half. Then, when I called him two days later to thank him for the date (of which he spent no money on me) and I ASKED HIM OUT. He told me "no, sorry you're not my type" I thought he was fun and cute and frankly job, car etc don't matter to me, I have all that **** on my own... but, I got over it. And moved on to the next guy cest la vie apparently he had better options, (including being single) and I guess that heavy set girl who you feel SHOULD date you did too. p.s. I like bald guys. the dude in the example above was bald. p.p.s maybe they are not paid members and can't reply if it's match.com or something. Edited July 17, 2012 by seachangeoflove
O'farrell Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Is being short really the equivalent of being bald?
mesmerized Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 So what's a woman to do? Start dating the bald or short guy? And that's exactly what a lot of women end up doing, going for a guy they're not attracted to. Sometimes there is no better option other than maybe becoming a lesbian.
Dafa Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Then how are you aware of it? It would have no behavioral manifestations, really. There are unattractive people (male and female) that are less than gorgeous and have great Rs and sex lives and happy pairings and the like, with people of various levels of attractiveness. They truly exist. Almost everyone has seen at least one. "People do it subconsciously" without any behavior examples as to how you KNOW that is just kind of a cop out, IMO. Note that i used the word "believe". This is just a theory have that i enjoy discussing and that i constantly find supportive arguments for. Anyway, i can, of course, speak only for what i see. In my experience, the vast majority of the couples i see are of people with similar physical attraction levels. So of course less attractive people can be happy too! The thing is: How do you think the psyche of the less attractive people adjusts their expectations with how attractive they are? It simply seems unreasonable to me for a not-attractive person to set their sights on a counterpart that is much more attractive. It can happen, yes. But it is an exception, not a rule. But hey, at this point, we enter the eternal discussion about how subjective/objective beauty is... However, if someone feels they have to "get over" some physical trait, then no, they are not truly attracted in the same way. Perhaps attraction could grow. I'm really not sure. This is the point! And that lack of attraction (most likely?) may have long term consequences. And that is also my question. Can attraction truly grow? And i mean physical attraction. Intellectual attraction can, and should, grow. What could happen is that some people can mistake intellectual attraction with physical attraction. It is a complicated matter, in my opinion.
El Brujo Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Sometimes there is no better option other than maybe becoming a lesbian. Quite a lot of that going around nowadays, but women who do the lesbian thing because they're sick of guys are called "flexisexual".
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