irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Lately, I've met a couple of rather attractive women that are having a hard time finding men who want a LONG term relationship. I know these ladies on an acquainted level, and I was having a conversation with ONE of them in regards to this, and that's when I said, "I'm looking for something serious, how about we grab a bite to eat?" Well, that's where the brakes had been put on, and she became evasive, or changed the subject. We all know why, right? Physical Attraction. If the guy is bald or too short, she won't have a long term relationship with that guy , plain and simple. So what's a woman to do? Start dating the bald or short guy?
oaks Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well, that's where the brakes had been put on, and she became evasive, or changed the subject. We all know why, right? Physical Attraction. I'll agree with you so far - she doesn't fancy you. If the guy is bald or too short, she won't have a long term relationship with that guy , plain and simple. So what's a woman to do? Start dating the bald or short guy? I can't read her mind deeply enough to tell if it's because you're bald and short! Are there really no other threads about this?
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I'll agree with you so far - she doesn't fancy you. I can't read her mind deeply enough to tell if it's because you're bald and short! Are there really no other threads about this? Well my point is this, If you're a woman of a certain age, lets say approaching 40's, and they've seemed to have cross that point of no return where ALL the men THEY want are married or taken, and the left overs are just average looking guys. Should she date average looking guys? I'm just thinking, sometimes it's like musical chairs, as far as people who have snatched each other up, and now married. And now there are a select few people that missed out, standing there, and they only ones standing are a mix of attractive and people they won't even consider dating. I dunno, just a analogy .
xxoo Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 There is an ever-changing mix. People move, people divorce, spouses die. What about you? Would you date someone unattractive to you? FTR, attractive women can feel attraction to short, bald men, if the man has other attractive qualities.
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 There is an ever-changing mix. People move, people divorce, spouses die. What about you? Would you date someone unattractive to you? FTR, attractive women can feel attraction to short, bald men, if the man has other attractive qualities. I would date someone that is attractive to even somewhat attractive to me. If I find them completely repulsive, weighed as much as Jabba the Hutt, then I wouldn't date them, even I have my limits But I have found, compared to my friends, to be less looks focused than them. I sometimes shake my head at their criteria. I have a friend that won't date red heads. And I asked, "REALLY?! Even if a hot red head wanted you, you wouldn't date her?" And he was like" Nope"
DjinnAgain Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I am not very looks focused - who a person is determines my interest, and it has always been that way... but I am finding there a very much a lot of guys who want long term relationships. That has always been my experience. That doesn't mean someone is a good match for the long term relationship, but that in itself doesn't mean there's not plenty out there to try... I'd assume most people anyone goes out with can't be a long term relationship because otherwise we'd date a person and marry the end.
xxoo Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I would date someone that is attractive to even somewhat attractive to me. If I find them completely repulsive, weighed as much as Jabba the Hutt, then I wouldn't date them, even I have my limits But I have found, compared to my friends, to be less looks focused than them. I sometimes shake my head at their criteria. I have a friend that won't date red heads. And I asked, "REALLY?! Even if a hot red head wanted you, you wouldn't date her?" And he was like" Nope" Well, women are a bit more specific and less general in their attractions. A guy might want to sleep with any woman with a decent figure. Guys don't have to look like Jabba the Hut for us to feel very turned off at the idea of kissing him. A lot of times, it doesn't have much to do with looks at all--one average looking guy can make her hot, while the thought of kissing another average looking guy would be unappealling. The presence or absence of other attractive qualities make the difference: personality, charm, humor, strength, generosity, protectiveness, etc. Protectiveness, in particular, makes me swoon.
oaks Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Well my point is this, If you're a woman of a certain age, lets say approaching 40's, and they've seemed to have cross that point of no return where ALL the men THEY want are married or taken, and the left overs are just average looking guys. Should she date average looking guys? Not if she doesn't them attractive. I want to win the lottery. Winning 18 gazillion gewgaws will make me happy, and I'm not happy because I don't have 18 gazillion gewgaws. It must be possible, because someone has lots of gewgaws. I could easily get 1 gewgaw. Should I do that and be happy, when is clearly isn't what I want? Or, as I know I've said in other threads about this very topic, she has options. She has the option of being single or the option of dating the average looking guy. She'll pick whichever option, of the ones available, is the most appealing to her. That doesn't mean it's the option she wants, so she'll still express the opinion that she wants a different (unavailable) option.
Dafa Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 What about you? Would you date someone unattractive to you? Good point. Some men here tend to be snide to women for not wanting to date/have a relationship with someone who is not attractive to them, all the while having their own standards below which they do not wanting to date. FTR, attractive women can feel attraction to short, bald men, if the man has other attractive qualities. Bad point. I very much doubt that an attractive woman can feel "true" physical attraction for a short, bald man, i.e., Danny de Vito-like dudes. Unless, of course, the guy is not that short or, despite being bald, has a very beautiful face. What you can argue is that other traits in these men can compensate for this lack of physical attraction, and even this is very arguable (and has been more than discussed in these forums). Stuff like charisma, very good social status, etc can compensate but never truly substitute or even emulate, i would say. There is however a relative way out for bald men, particular from the "friar tuck" victims: doing a full-on head shave. It can work nicely enough, depending on your facial beauty.
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 There is however a relative way out for bald men, particular from the "friar tuck" victims: doing a full-on head shave. It can work nicely enough, depending on your facial beauty. That's the key, facial beauty....or....if your head even LOOKS good shaven, some men can't pull it off. I tried it, and I looked like one of those aliens from Close ENcounters. LOL And my facial beauty is questionable. I am not overweight though...somewhat in shape, but not buff. I think the one bragging right I do have (for now) is that I'm not fat.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Bad point. I very much doubt that an attractive woman can feel "true" physical attraction for a short, bald man, i.e., Danny de Vito-like dudes. Unless, of course, the guy is not that short or, despite being bald, has a very beautiful face. What you can argue is that other traits in these men can compensate for this lack of physical attraction, and even this is very arguable (and has been more than discussed in these forums). Stuff like charisma, very good social status, etc can compensate but never truly substitute or even emulate, i would say. I think it depends on what you want true physical attraction to be. Other traits, besides the physical, can get a woman's engine running, so to speak, which is what xxoo meant. They may not be physical traits and thus maybe aren't physical attraction to you, but they still inspire a physical/sexual response in the woman. It's not like a logical substitution of traits as much as just what makes a woman turned on or not. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 No, I don't care if I am approaching 60, I still won't date a guy that I don't find attractive. All other traits are great but lack of physical attraction will just make both people miserable 2
Dafa Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I think it depends on what you want true physical attraction to be. Other traits, besides the physical, can get a woman's engine running, so to speak, which is what xxoo meant. They may not be physical traits and thus maybe aren't physical attraction to you, but they still inspire a physical/sexual response in the woman. It's not like a logical substitution of traits as much as just what makes a woman turned on or not. If we are not careful, this discussion will derail to the usual "physical attractiveness" threads that appear here once a month... I don't agree with you though. I believe women have a baseline physical attraction level that must be met before any other traits are considered and that this is an unconscious process. I also believe that owing to this, woman are not perfectly aware that they subconsciously do this. I've had this discussion with several lady friends and despite not changing their point-of-view, they tell me that they acknowledge the possibility that i am right. Still, i'm not a woman nor even a PUA/alpha male so what do i really know...?
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 If we are not careful, this discussion will derail to the usual "physical attractiveness" threads that appear here once a month... I don't agree with you though. I believe women have a baseline physical attraction level that must be met before any other traits are considered and that this is an unconscious process. I also believe that owing to this, woman are not perfectly aware that they subconsciously do this. I've had this discussion with several lady friends and despite not changing their point-of-view, they tell me that they acknowledge the possibility that i am right. Still, i'm not a woman nor even a PUA/alpha male so what do i really know...? More like once a week 1
delirious Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 More like once a week Just to give you hope, when I was gorge and in my early twenties I worked with a guy who was not physically attractive at all and short, not my usual type. After getting to know him I found him more and more attractive. We had a very romantic passionate relationship for some months and I fell for him. If you are short bald and not conventionally attractive, and really looking to get together with attractive females possibly you consider out of your league, the best way to meet women is at work where you get to know them first. If you make a woman laugh, you will find yourself more attractive to women. Unfortunately people are shallow and it must be hard getting a foot in the door so to speak on such as dating websites where the physical attraction has to be instant instant instant for most
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Just to give you hope, when I was gorge and in my early twenties I worked with a guy who was not physically attractive at all and short, not my usual type. After getting to know him I found him more and more attractive. We had a very romantic passionate relationship for some months and I fell for him. If you are short bald and not conventionally attractive, and really looking to get together with attractive females possibly you consider out of your league, the best way to meet women is at work where you get to know them first. If you make a woman laugh, you will find yourself more attractive to women. Unfortunately people are shallow and it must be hard getting a foot in the door so to speak on such as dating websites where the physical attraction has to be instant instant instant for most Yes, this has happened to me too. But I need to be exposed to this guy regularly in a non-dating context. If I meet him online, I more than likely would not even go on a date with him <plug for Hokie's surface trait theory ) 1
jobaba Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Just to give you hope, when I was gorge and in my early twenties I worked with a guy who was not physically attractive at all and short, not my usual type. After getting to know him I found him more and more attractive. We had a very romantic passionate relationship for some months and I fell for him. If you are short bald and not conventionally attractive, and really looking to get together with attractive females possibly you consider out of your league, the best way to meet women is at work where you get to know them first. If you make a woman laugh, you will find yourself more attractive to women. Unfortunately people are shallow and it must be hard getting a foot in the door so to speak on such as dating websites where the physical attraction has to be instant instant instant for most No offense, but I am that guy and that is a horrible idea. Because what will happen is you will work your charms on her, she will see the best of you and chances are she will still reject you because you are unattractive. Now you've wasted a year or so of your time and your heart is shattered on the floor in a million pieces. Better to go quantity. Just because you saw him as the physically unattractive, short guy doesn't mean every woman sees him like that. Most women? Yes. But there are a few that don't. To her, you won't be the short, unattractive guy. You'll just be a guy.
carhill Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I did know one of these for about ten years during our M, one of my exW's friends. She was so good looking that even my exW commented on her boobs and private parts and the rest was, well, obvious. I don't think she had a LTR at all during that time. Every time we spent time with her she was alone, not even a date. She was kind of a ballbuster though, so maybe that was part of it. Her H of 20 years had cheated on her and left her for his AP and they were living together. I guess I can see her perspective, though it's unclear which was the chicken and which was the egg. Anyway, I did get to see her eat men on occasion, picking up strangers at events, and it was pretty awesome to watch. Anyway, other than that, no anecdotes. Most women in my area are coupled up nearly immediately, attractive or not, if they choose to not be single. There's a penis surplus around here.
Author irc333 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 No, I don't care if I am approaching 60, I still won't date a guy that I don't find attractive. All other traits are great but lack of physical attraction will just make both people miserable Yeah, but at 60, with exception of Holly wood types, how many people that age are even attractive?
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 No offense, but I am that guy and that is a horrible idea. Because what will happen is you will work your charms on her, she will see the best of you and chances are she will still reject you because you are unattractive. Now you've wasted a year or so of your time and your heart is shattered on the floor in a million pieces. Better to go quantity. Just because you saw him as the physically unattractive, short guy doesn't mean every woman sees him like that. Most women? Yes. But there are a few that don't. To her, you won't be the short, unattractive guy. You'll just be a guy. J, you can hedge your bets and do both. Best thing is low key persistence without emotional investment.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Yeah, but at 60, with exception of Holly wood types, how many people that age are even attractive? I can't imagine it now but then when I was 21, I felt men above 30 are gross. Now I find them attractive.
jobaba Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 J, you can hedge your bets and do both. Best thing is low key persistence without emotional investment. The advice isn't for me. I don't care about looks that much. I would much rather date a less physically attractive woman who thought I was cute as was or wasn't that fixated on looks rather than a woman who had an attitude that she was gorgeous and that a short, bald man had to 'win' her. And it ain't even close...
Els Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Pretty sure the reason those very attractive women are having trouble finding LTRs is the sheer number of men who are hitting on them. This is likely to be a drawback because 1) the larger the haystack you're looking for the needle in, the harder it is to find the needle, and 2) many of the men who are hitting on them are of the more... bovine variety, and experiencing that sort of thing too often is likely to make one very wary, cautious, and cynical. Sure, some women manage to get past those obstacles, but some don't.
Leigh 87 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I go for average guys who are at or a little BELOW average in appearance. I am only average ish myself, after all. But I am attractive to some men, and have had some good looking me interested in me for more than sex. While I have attracted good looking men, I feel safer with average to below average men. Regardless of how secure I am with who I am, I would always feel threatened with a great looking man - because as " amazing" as I am to them, there are plenty if " amazing" good looking women. There would simply be too much competition, even if I was a GREAT person and partner who he was amazed by. BUT not ALL cases work out that way! A LOT of people TRY to get past a lack of physical attraction, and it back fires! I got lucky, in that NEITHER of us were THAT attracted at first glance, but we GREW to ber attracted. Very attracted at times. Enough to be sexually aroused and not feel we got " the short straw" with our partner. I just fine it very EASY to become attracted to average or slightly below average men; these are men that I am neutral towards at first glance, who I become really attracted to. Futhermore - good looks onyl get your foot through the door. SOMETIMES, average looking or less then average looking people, are forced into regular contact with GOOD looking people of the opposite sex... bonds can and DO occur between good looking and LESS good looking people! But it only normally occurs through forced contact.. but it is still a genuine relationship and attraction; it us just natural to use looks as a guide at first glance, so it takes getting to know a less good looking person, before you view them as dating material.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 No, I don't care if I am approaching 60, I still won't date a guy that I don't find attractive. All other traits are great but lack of physical attraction will just make both people miserable And I would add to this, by saying it goes both ways.
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