KansasChica Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Has anyone had or heard of any successful reconciliations when the dumpees reached out to the dumpers?
lemonlime Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I got back together with my guy after reaching out to him. It was about 3 months after we broke up. I emailed him, and asked if he wanted to meet up. He seemed unsure so I sent him a reply about how I was done and I just wasnt gonna do it anymore. Then he was like, no I think we should get together. So, I was going to say goodbye, and then next thing you know we are working on getting back together. Things got a little messed up recently, but things had been much better. The email was about 9 months ago.
Edtheduck Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 After 3 months of BU, a period of NC too, I guess I could say I'm trying to reach out to my ex at the moment. Just reminding her that I think of her and miss her. Ultimately I'd like to see her soon as ive not since the BU. Baby steps, and as yet she's not told me to **** off. I don't hope too much, but I have a little hope yet.
Mariana345 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I got back together with my guy after reaching out to him. It was about 3 months after we broke up. I emailed him, and asked if he wanted to meet up. He seemed unsure so I sent him a reply about how I was done and I just wasnt gonna do it anymore. Then he was like, no I think we should get together. So, I was going to say goodbye, and then next thing you know we are working on getting back together. Things got a little messed up recently, but things had been much better. The email was about 9 months ago. Hi! good that you could solve things I want to ask, if possible, what were your reasons to BU? I'm kind of thinking to talk to him sometime (just been 6 weeks since BU I'll wait more time) but there are so many issues between us that I don't know if is the best idea to be together again. Thank you
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Unless you did something really wrong, I'd like to see the dumpers contact us for a change. It's almost always the dumpees doing the contacting. if the dumpee contacts doesn't that scream out doormat?
pathetic1999 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I agree, I don't think I can reach out to mine...I feel like I would be begging if I did. I am too prideful for that I think, don't get me wrong I have to HOLD BACK from contact him and it hurts so much. But on the other hand he knows how I feel why in the world should I go contact him??? He knows where I am and he left me, let him come and get me.
KatZee Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I am a dumpee that reached out to the dumper. It was about 5 weeks post breakup and we had been together almost 3 years. I thought I was at a point where I should reach out, see where we stood (he had said A LOT of things breaking up with me that gave me an indication that he'd be willing to try again, that he just needed some time alone.) I figured after almost 3 years I shouldn't be nervous to reach out, I knew him! So I did, and it led to him calling me and catching up and I was like wow! He then went MIA the next two weeks until I got a random text telling me to "sell all the jewelry I got you, pay your rent, I should have told you to sell it from the beginning, there no us, I don't want to give you the wrong impression, that's my fault." I was LIVID. It took him practically two months to grow a sack and to tell the truth. He couldn't even tell me the truth to my face. He's a pus*y and a coward and everything he said to me as we were breaking up was nothing but a load of cow sh*t. I agree that if the dumper wants you back, THEY'LL do the contacting. Sure there are some cases (EXTREMELY RARE) in which a dumpee reaches out and all is wonderful again, but for the most part it doesn't work that way, and if the dumper isn't reaching out, it's because, THEY DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
lemonlime Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 We initially broke up because I was being a big b tch to him. I was taking out a lot of frustration and anxiety that had nothing to do with him and really mistreating him with it. Then he was acting kinda weird so I looked through his phone and confronted him with something. My insecurity started to ooze all over the place (this was over a few month period). At this point he was angry, and resentful. With everything else that had happened, the invasion of privacy and mistrust was it for him. We were supposed to meet up. His friends and family were all telling him he shouldnt want to be with me, really highlighting how Id mistreated him. So he calls me right before we are supposed to meet up and tells me he cant do it. Hes not excited to see me at all. Its only anger and hurt. Initially Im like if you cant stand up for me and the good times we had, and you dont have any desire to see me, then obviously this is the only option. Entered into no contact. I tried to remember what he had said, and how it felt . Unfortunately that only went so far. We did do an email exchange (initiated by me) at the 6 week point. It got pretty long and emotional. That was also the first time that I told him if we were going to get back together I have the expectation that he wouldnt be treating me with the anger and resentment he did before, and that it would be his job to show me that it wouldnt be like that. 6 weeks later I email him (id deleted his number at this point) and asked him if he wanted to meet up for coffee. He replied he didnt know if it was a good idea. I replied that I couldnt make him love me and I was done trying to do so. I dont know that happened. He was like no, I think we should meet up. And then he rearranged his night to make time for me. Like he was already trying to show me that he did want to see me. Initially we were both kinda stand offish. It had been 3 months at this point. And then he said hed gone on one date with someone a few weeks ago to see if we was ready to get back out there. He decided he wasnt. He also wasnt sure if he was ready to try again with me. I teared up a little (was really trying to avoid that). So we go back to my car to talk, and next thing I know we've decided we are going to try again. There were some rocky points. But I think the big thing is even though we hadnt spoken, during that time we were both still kinda committed to each other. Neither of us was doing something we knew would lead to never being able to get back together (like sleeping with someone else). And we both used that time to work on the things that lead to the break up. Most of those problems never really came up when we got back together. This were really good.
lemonlime Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Basically for me, it boiled down to this. How much would it hurt for him to shoot me down, overall, as far as in the perspective of life. Then, how long would I regret not trying one last time? We had a really good relationship until the last few months. And I knew that we loved each other a lot. I knew it could work.. if we were both in a better place. I didnt want to be married to someone 5 years from now still thinking about what might have happened if I had reached out one last time. Now, hes maintained that he was planning on emailing me. He says hed already wrote an email, he just had it sitting in his draft box. I would always tease him, like what would have happened if I had never emailed u?
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I just want to know how do you contact them knowing 1. They'll probably reject you more 2. Laugh at you for still not being over them?
Edtheduck Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) If you're strong enough to handle the responses you get from them, there's no need to fear rejection. Also, it doesn't matter if you're not over them, as that's why you're reaching out. It's for them to then tell us if they're over us or not.... I had a 30 minute chat with my ex the other day. Communication is open but slow. I'm ok with that, and I'm glad I reached out. At least she knows I'm still around, and have no bad feelings against her. Edited July 21, 2012 by Edtheduck Typo
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