Lovelost1992 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly 10 months. I'm 20 he's 23, my first everything. After he graduated and started working full time at a place he hated and he became super depressed (that was 4 months ago) and it took a tole on our relationship. He decided to move back home because there is work there and family, he is one state over and really not that far in comparison to other places. A plane ride is an hour and we had plans to see each other 2 weekends (4-5 days each) once a month. He moved away 3 weeks ago and it has been very difficult on both of us. However, ive been traveling abroad and had more distractions than he has because he's been at home waiting for work papers to come through etc. He has spent most of his time inside and hasn't seen me, his parents (on vacation), or any of his friends from where he used to live and I know he is at a very low point right now. This man has been head over heels in love with me an vice versa since the first date. Everyone could see it. We talked about a future together many, many times. Anyway, he just told me something very upsetting and I don't know how to handle it. I have no close friends or family here so my support is all via email or phone and it's been very very difficult for me to stay positive. The other night he went on Craigslist and started talking to a girl and then it lead to flirting sexually and sending naked pictures. Hes apologized profusely and said he was just sick of watching porn and was very lonely and has no self esteem. I should probably mention that this happened a few months ago when we had another lull in our relationship and I was being distant because I was afraid of falling. Only that time it was just harmless flirtation and more from the girl, still it was not something I wanted to hear about and I was very upset but we talked it out and everything has been great until now. Also I am 7,000 miles away traveling for 2 months) which makes him worry all the time, I understand and would be the same way. I don't have much chance to get Internet so I can't even Skype him and see him. I think that right now he is at an all time low and needs to find himself again. With or without me. He really is an amazing man and even after pulling this stunt I know it was just to get off and I still trut that he would never physically cheat on me. I know that you dont know me, and have no obligation to write me, but I am at a loss and have no idea what to do. At the moment we are not together, I broke up with him when I found out. Of course all my girlfriends are telling me to kick him to the curb, he wouldn't do that if he loved me blah blah blah. If you've been in this situation or if I could get the perspective from a guy I would very much appreciate it. Edited July 17, 2012 by Lovelost1992 Need more info
justwhoiam Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 So, he needed you and you dumped him. Talking about love... This all happened around two months ago. Is your trip over? What happened afterwards?
TMichaels Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) So, he needed you and you dumped him. Talking about love... Uh, no. The guy is supposedly head over heels in love with her, but since they've been LD he's chatted up another woman online and sent naked photos of himself. It's not the first time he's pulled that stunt; he's done it before. If you're going to chastise anyone here for behaving badly, it's not her, it's him. OP, I'm sure from a guy's perspective there will be a chorus of voices saying: "The cyber sex and the women he had it with meant nothing. Guys "have needs." We all have needs and urges, but that doesn't mean we act on them in ways that hurt or impact others -- especially another person that supposedly means the world to us. He had other options -- but he chose to rectify the problem doing something that would be detrimental to your relationship. Apparently, for some reason he thinks what he did was okay, as long as he told you. You're not supposed to like it, but in *his book* you're supposed to understand. I know you won't want to hear this, but you're young and as you explained, "he's your first" so your attachment to this guy is strong. But, you did the right thing by making it clear his behavior is unacceptable and breaking up with him. This guy is equally young, inexperienced and doesn't understand the concept of boundaries or that when he's in a relationship his needs aren't the only ones he should be concerned are being met. It's unfortunate that you were the one that had to teach him this lesson, but on the other hand, if you don't respect yourself, don't expect anyone else to be respectful to you in return. He needs to grow up and you need to keep moving on. Chalk up what happened as just another one of life's lessons -- learn from it, and stop second-guessing yourself. And as difficult as it may seem right now, realize it's never wise to settle for less than what you deserve. Best, TMichaels Edited September 11, 2012 by TMichaels
justwhoiam Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 This was the sentence that put me on the wrong track: I should probably mention that this happened a few months ago when we had another lull in our relationship and I was being distant because I was afraid of falling. "We had another lull" seemed like they were having one, even if nothing had officially been said.
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