theskyisblue Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 So when the ex broke up with me we were both really sad. I pushed for a reason for it and she said she didn't love me. I asked her if there was any hope of it ever working perhaps of we met at some point way down the line. She looked a bit unsure so I said I just want to hear if there is any hope for us. She said no there was not. Think it was because I pushed for an answer. I had a feeling I would be broken up with so had written her a card saying how I wanted to be with her and at some point maybe we would. Not sure how well I managed to say it in a card though - I was a bit upset and couldn't find the words. Thing is she's not an emotional person so I am really really wanting to send a text saying that we'll move on with our lives but I hope she and I would never completely close the door. It's like I want that idea in her mind that I'm getting on with it - which I will - but the idea of never being able to be with her is a bit too much to take. Shall I send that text - I don't want a reply, just to put the idea out there and walk away from it. It's that or send much the same message to her friend, just to show her I care because I really want her to at least think about that idea.
louisehawley6 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 DON'T do it! She knows how you feel! The more you tell her, the more shes just going to get annoyed at you and think your just harassing her. Trust me i'm telling you this from experience. Although you are not sure you have said enough in your card you did, she knows that you would like to think about being together sometime in the future. Leave it at that, the ball is in her court now. The best thing you can do is stop contacting her and try and move on. Sitting thinking of ways to tell her how you feel is just going to send you insane. It doesn't matter what you say or that you want to plant the 'idea' in her head right now she's made her mind up not matter what you say or do will change that. Just give it some time 1
Author theskyisblue Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 DON'T do it! She knows how you feel! The more you tell her, the more shes just going to get annoyed at you and think your just harassing her. Trust me i'm telling you this from experience. Although you are not sure you have said enough in your card you did, she knows that you would like to think about being together sometime in the future. Leave it at that, the ball is in her court now. The best thing you can do is stop contacting her and try and move on. Sitting thinking of ways to tell her how you feel is just going to send you insane. It doesn't matter what you say or that you want to plant the 'idea' in her head right now she's made her mind up not matter what you say or do will change that. Just give it some time Hey louise, thanks for the reply. It's so hard because you want to tell that person how you feel. I've been thinking - send a message to her friend to tell them so it would filter through but like you say she doesn't want to hear from me. I can't decide if I'm screwing myself over. I am tempted to send a message to our mutual friend about looking after her. Will that just be seen as me trying to be needy though? Why is it this hard to get on with stuff? Crazy. We are both in our mid-late 20's so by this point you're starting to think about settling down with somebody. Out of interest you said you had experience of this. Were you the person wanting to contact somebody else or was it somebody else trying to contact you?
louisehawley6 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Hey louise, thanks for the reply. It's so hard because you want to tell that person how you feel. I've been thinking - send a message to her friend to tell them so it would filter through but like you say she doesn't want to hear from me. I can't decide if I'm screwing myself over. I am tempted to send a message to our mutual friend about looking after her. Will that just be seen as me trying to be needy though? Why is it this hard to get on with stuff? Crazy. We are both in our mid-late 20's so by this point you're starting to think about settling down with somebody. Out of interest you said you had experience of this. Were you the person wanting to contact somebody else or was it somebody else trying to contact you? Do not send your mutual friend a message either, yes she will think that you are being needy. I myself have just gone through a break up, I was with my ex for two years and he broke up with me on the phone and is refusing to talk to me. I did exactly what you want to do, I sent him this huge heart full message telling him exactly how i felt and how I would do anything to make it work. His response wasn't what I wanted and it sent me back to square one. You say you don't expect a reply but then you'll be questioning why she didn't reply. I'm 23 and I agree I want to settle down too, but i'm not going to settle for someone who wont give me the time of day. What you need to do is let it go, you have told her what you need to say, don't carry it on. Take my advice I have done what you want to do, I've told myself "oh if I send this one last text he might change his mind" but the truth is no one can change their mind, no one but them and that's what you need to do. Let her go, and if it's meant to be she will come back Plus you'll never be able to just send that one 'last' text message you'll always think to yourself that there was something else that you should of said, then I can almost guarantee you'll get the 'your harassing me' card and I can tell you, that hurts a lot!! Edited July 17, 2012 by louisehawley6
Author theskyisblue Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Do not send your mutual friend a message either, yes she will think that you are being needy. I myself have just gone through a break up, I was with my ex for two years and he broke up with me on the phone and is refusing to talk to me. I did exactly what you want to do, I sent him this huge heart full message telling him exactly how i felt and how I would do anything to make it work. His response wasn't what I wanted and it sent me back to square one. You say you don't expect a reply but then you'll be questioning why she didn't reply. I'm 23 and I agree I want to settle down too, but i'm not going to settle for someone who wont give me the time of day. What you need to do is let it go, you have told her what you need to say, don't carry it on. Take my advice I have done what you want to do, I've told myself "oh if I send this one last text he might change his mind" but the truth is no one can change their mind, no one but them and that's what you need to do. Let her go, and if it's meant to be she will come back Plus you'll never be able to just send that one 'last' text message you'll always think to yourself that there was something else that you should of said, then I can almost guarantee you'll get the 'your harassing me' card and I can tell you, that hurts a lot!! Hey Louise, seriously good to hear from you. It's like you get an idea, it's probably not the best idea so I'm glad to post it on here. I really don't want to get the you are harassing me message. Thinking about what you said and I think she is aware of how I feel. If I keep on pestering that just shows that I'm incapable of listening. As well as that - how do you move on when you keep sending that final text or saying that final goodbye. Did you ever do that? It's tough isn't it - you send a message then you keep wanting to speak with them. Argh. It's so stupid. Really need to concentrate on NC and leaving them to it. How are you doing with NC - you managing to do it? Thanks for the replies though!
Author theskyisblue Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Also even if you don't particularly want to move on (that's me) then you at least need to give them space so should you ever get together again at least you'll be in a better place. At least that's how I think it is?
louisehawley6 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hey Louise, seriously good to hear from you. It's like you get an idea, it's probably not the best idea so I'm glad to post it on here. I really don't want to get the you are harassing me message. Thinking about what you said and I think she is aware of how I feel. If I keep on pestering that just shows that I'm incapable of listening. As well as that - how do you move on when you keep sending that final text or saying that final goodbye. Did you ever do that? It's tough isn't it - you send a message then you keep wanting to speak with them. Argh. It's so stupid. Really need to concentrate on NC and leaving them to it. How are you doing with NC - you managing to do it? Thanks for the replies though! I got the harassing me message and let me tell you, I got so many mixed emotions from it when I received it. I was a) hurt by it b) angry by it and c) embarassed about it. I was hurt by it because this is the person I spent the last two years of my life loving and caring about and to get that response from that person made me feel like I didn't know him anymore. I was angry, because in my eyes I was not harassing him. All I was doing was trying to talk to him, trying to express to him how much I love and care for him and to plant that seed in his head that i'd do anything in order for us to be again. It embarassed me because I didn't want to be branded an harasser or think that I am capable of doing that. Moving on isn't easy I have not fully moved on myself, I think about my ex every single day. But I also keep reminding mysself of all the bad times we had, towards the end of our relationship the bad times outweighed the good times and its only looking back it now that I realise that. Yes I still believe that there could have been more good times and they would have outweighed the bad times if we had kept on going but, it takes two people to have a relationship and if the other person isn't willing to give it a 100% and you are, well you might as well bang you head against a brick wall because no matter how hard you try. You don't have to completetly move on, she was a part of your life and you'll never really forget her, but the pain will subside. I remember the guy that I was dating before my most recent ex treated me like **** over a span of 3 years and for a good year and a bit i hated him, but after that I feel comfortable and strong enough that when I bumped into him again, I felt strong and good, the feelings of hate, hurt and anger had subsided and although I didn't have feelings anymore for him, it was apparent that the time we had been a part had made he feel remorse and he wanted to see me again, in which i politely declined. My most recent ex is so stubborn and that's why I believe he threw out the whole harassment thing and he know's my ex bf before him also said it (but i'll admit i probably did harass the other guy, I was a real mess) and know it's what i'll listen to. The best thing you can do is focus on you, respect she doesn't want to talk and i'm sure when she is ready to she will talk to you. Your right show her you can listen and take instructions. Right now shes expecting to hear from you, show her your not as predictable as she thinks, then she'll wonder about you. Please don't make the mistakes that I have, I pushed my ex to a limit of recieving messages that said 'leave me alone', 'stop harassing me', 'i'll change my number'. I possibly have pushed my ex so far that he wont want to ever talk to me again because he'll be scared of my reaction. Just be STRONG!
Author theskyisblue Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Hey louise, yeah that must have been really tough. Something I would really like to avoid is being sent that message. You get a message like that and I think it would make me feel like it would be difficult to find a way to even be friends. I don't want to think about being just her friend but I really don't want to close the door on it. Lots of people have said to move on for self respect and that's true. The conflicting emotions are difficult though - you still are in love and care for the person and want to look after them. They need their space though. Thanks for replying - it's difficult not to get totally lost in the maze of emotions when you are going through something like this. Feels so sad and difficult - well that's how I feel. Are you in a better place do you think - it sounds like you are getting on with things?
Author theskyisblue Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 By the way your post was really interesting - it sounds like you are really thinking about things and trying not to make mistakes. Do you have plans from here?
louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey louise, yeah that must have been really tough. Something I would really like to avoid is being sent that message. You get a message like that and I think it would make me feel like it would be difficult to find a way to even be friends. I don't want to think about being just her friend but I really don't want to close the door on it. Lots of people have said to move on for self respect and that's true. The conflicting emotions are difficult though - you still are in love and care for the person and want to look after them. They need their space though. Thanks for replying - it's difficult not to get totally lost in the maze of emotions when you are going through something like this. Feels so sad and difficult - well that's how I feel. Are you in a better place do you think - it sounds like you are getting on with things? But the thing is you CAN'T and you don't really want to be 'friends' with them not right now. It's too soon. You would be kidding yourself if you thought you could let yourself just be her friend. Imagine if she got a new boyfriend and decided to start talking to you about it? It would hurt you so much! I remember bumping into my ex before the most recent one, and we hadn't seen each other for about a year and a half. He started to talk about his ex gf after me and it didn't bother me at all because enough time had past. If it was say 6 months after our initial break up I don't think I would have been able to listen to him. Yes I feel okay, some days I feel like I'd like to talk to my ex and ask him things and see if there is still hope. But i'm a firm believer of destiny and fait. If it's meant to be it will happen no matter what. It's all about time. I've made so many mistakes when it comes to break ups and I can't put myself through it anymore let alone my ex. It sounds odd, but to be honest, right now i'm happy not talking to him. Because right now whatever he says just hurts me and why would I want to just hurt myself? Within time I hope things could be different and who knows what might happen between the two of us, but I don't really like having that feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I send him a text or the anxiety I feel waiting for him to reply. It's just not fun. Yes I believe when you love someone so much they are worth fighting for, but not at the cost of your own self destruction.
louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 ps. My very first love was when I was 15 and when we broke up it felt like my life had ended and I didn't think I would ever be able to get over it. After 2 years of NC he came back to me and you know what it was too late. I had moved on. I spoke to him and it was nice to feel that he knew he had made a mistake, but when he would send me messages on what would of been our 5 year anniversary saying he would do anything to turn back time, it didn't mean anything to me. Then later on down the track he called me and told me he was getting married and the only emotion I felt was happiness, I was glad he was happy. (I was born in the UK and moved to Australia, my first love still live in the UK). So everytime I went over to the UK to see friends and family he would contact me and ask to see me and I wouldn't because he was married. Time really is the key.
Pod81 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You say you want to leave the door open, but it sounds like she's already shut it so why waste your time? I think the more appropriate analogy is to shut the door, but not lock it. In other words, assume she'll never want you back and continue to live your life. Date again once you get your confidence back (it'll be more attractive to other girls anyway) and can stand on your two feet again. If she DOES come back in the future, deal with it then but don't think about crossing that bridge until you get there. Just as a side note, you mentioned in another thread that you were her first love. I've noticed from both LS and my own friends that a HUGE majority of first loves almost never work out - the reason being is that girls freak out and naively think "OMG! I only loved one person. Even though our relationship was pretty good, he can't possibly be the one! There has to be someone out there that can offer me that near-flawless fantasy of a relationship! I have to date around and see what else is out there before I'm absolutely, positively sure!" My ex suffered from the SAME EXACT thing and it sucks that we have to be the victims of it. Since I'm older and have more dating experience than my ex, it does give me some satisfaction in knowing that she's in for a brutal awakening. She'll eventually find out that you can't have a relationship without issues and flaws. Solution? Next time, date a girl who's been in love and in a serious relationship before. I know how hard it is to let go without saying your final goodbye, but anything you say will just push her further and further away...especially since you've sent her a post-BU card already. She's already made up her mind to NOT be with you, so anything you say won't change her mind. Plus, it's pretty damn obvious from the first card that you still want to be with her - and she knows that. Just leave her be, go NC, heal, and let her figure out her own crap. Remember that this process will take at least a year and some dating on her end. Don't wait for her and if she comes crawling back in weeks or months, I can guarantee you she will put you through the same drama. Don't you deserve someone who's more mature and knows what she wants anyway? If you're curious to hear a little bit about my BU story, I sent my ex an email a few days after my BU saying that I can't be friends with her because she needs to mature and sort her sh*t out on her own. Wished her the best of luck and hope she can become the best person she can be. OK, so I'm kind of a hypocrite, but the difference was that this was meant for closure and I knew there was a very good chance she wouldn't respond (and she didn't). I had already accepted the fate of our relationship. I just felt it was the mature thing to do - by sending my last contact without any begging, pleading, or mention of possible reconciliation in the future. Anyways, good luck and remember that time does heal all wounds! I'm on day 30 of NC and a little over a month after my BU and I definitely feel I've come a long way since that first week (it definitely was hell! I couldn't sleep and lost some weight). Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the healing process or just need any advice on how to go on from here.
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 So when the ex broke up with me we were both really sad. I pushed for a reason for it and she said she didn't love me. I asked her if there was any hope of it ever working perhaps of we met at some point way down the line. She looked a bit unsure so I said I just want to hear if there is any hope for us. She said no there was not. Think it was because I pushed for an answer. I had a feeling I would be broken up with so had written her a card saying how I wanted to be with her and at some point maybe we would. Not sure how well I managed to say it in a card though - I was a bit upset and couldn't find the words. Thing is she's not an emotional person so I am really really wanting to send a text saying that we'll move on with our lives but I hope she and I would never completely close the door. It's like I want that idea in her mind that I'm getting on with it - which I will - but the idea of never being able to be with her is a bit too much to take. Shall I send that text - I don't want a reply, just to put the idea out there and walk away from it. It's that or send much the same message to her friend, just to show her I care because I really want her to at least think about that idea. I wouldn't, she knows you want her back, you said so, and it's pretty clear anyway. She was very clear with her intentions too, she doesn't want to be with you anymore and doesn't love you anymore. Now if it makes you feel better go ahead, however I really doubt it will make any difference, if not make it worse for you. Who knows, maybe in a few months, year, she'll do a 180 but I really wouldn't count on it. It does happen but it's not the majority of the break ups.
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey louise, thanks for the reply. It's so hard because you want to tell that person how you feel. I've been thinking - send a message to her friend to tell them so it would filter through but like you say she doesn't want to hear from me. I can't decide if I'm screwing myself over. I am tempted to send a message to our mutual friend about looking after her. Will that just be seen as me trying to be needy though? Why is it this hard to get on with stuff? Crazy. We are both in our mid-late 20's so by this point you're starting to think about settling down with somebody. Out of interest you said you had experience of this. Were you the person wanting to contact somebody else or was it somebody else trying to contact you? uhm yeah, super needy and desperate... That's a really bad idea.
louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I agree with what pod81 said. My most recent ex had never had any form of interaction with a girl before. We both fell in love with one another fast and hard. But there were certain things that he did throughout our relationship that made it apparent to me that he was inexperienced. Even though I know that he is not the kind of person to want to necessarily explore other girls, it was always in the back of my mind. People need expereince to understand certain dynamics of a relationship. When me and my ex broke up he said he was happy now that he didn't have to deal with unexpected dramas, little does he know that, that's relationships in general. But it's no longer my 'job' as such to tell him that he needs to find out for himself and maybe then he'll understand our relationship was actually good.
Author theskyisblue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Hey louise, I didn't send the message and have been keeping myself busy. Just talking to people and processing it. I think I struggle because it was off and on and she set the terms for it and I kept fighting and going back to it. Lots of good advice on here and it's true you have to move on with stuff. Meeting other people will be a bit tough I think but then you have to accept that. I guess that's the thing with relationships - when they don't work you have to accept that. Maybe she will realise that we had something good but all I need to concentrate on doing is keeping myself busy and getting over this. Lots of people on this forum to chat with which really helps as well. Louise, are you in a good place - seems like you've learned a lot from your experience.
Author theskyisblue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 You say you want to leave the door open, but it sounds like she's already shut it so why waste your time? I think the more appropriate analogy is to shut the door, but not lock it. In other words, assume she'll never want you back and continue to live your life. Date again once you get your confidence back (it'll be more attractive to other girls anyway) and can stand on your two feet again. If she DOES come back in the future, deal with it then but don't think about crossing that bridge until you get there. Just as a side note, you mentioned in another thread that you were her first love. I've noticed from both LS and my own friends that a HUGE majority of first loves almost never work out - the reason being is that girls freak out and naively think "OMG! I only loved one person. Even though our relationship was pretty good, he can't possibly be the one! There has to be someone out there that can offer me that near-flawless fantasy of a relationship! I have to date around and see what else is out there before I'm absolutely, positively sure!" My ex suffered from the SAME EXACT thing and it sucks that we have to be the victims of it. Since I'm older and have more dating experience than my ex, it does give me some satisfaction in knowing that she's in for a brutal awakening. She'll eventually find out that you can't have a relationship without issues and flaws. Solution? Next time, date a girl who's been in love and in a serious relationship before. I know how hard it is to let go without saying your final goodbye, but anything you say will just push her further and further away...especially since you've sent her a post-BU card already. She's already made up her mind to NOT be with you, so anything you say won't change her mind. Plus, it's pretty damn obvious from the first card that you still want to be with her - and she knows that. Just leave her be, go NC, heal, and let her figure out her own crap. Remember that this process will take at least a year and some dating on her end. Don't wait for her and if she comes crawling back in weeks or months, I can guarantee you she will put you through the same drama. Don't you deserve someone who's more mature and knows what she wants anyway? If you're curious to hear a little bit about my BU story, I sent my ex an email a few days after my BU saying that I can't be friends with her because she needs to mature and sort her sh*t out on her own. Wished her the best of luck and hope she can become the best person she can be. OK, so I'm kind of a hypocrite, but the difference was that this was meant for closure and I knew there was a very good chance she wouldn't respond (and she didn't). I had already accepted the fate of our relationship. I just felt it was the mature thing to do - by sending my last contact without any begging, pleading, or mention of possible reconciliation in the future. Anyways, good luck and remember that time does heal all wounds! I'm on day 30 of NC and a little over a month after my BU and I definitely feel I've come a long way since that first week (it definitely was hell! I couldn't sleep and lost some weight). Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the healing process or just need any advice on how to go on from here. Hey pod, this was actually really helpful thank you. Been so lost in my own thoughts that it's great to have somebody say something that makes sense. Imagine if I had ended up as a divorce statistic? That would be so much worse. I sent that card to her, and like you say, she's completely aware of how I feel. She is the person that has the issue with the relationship. Being a first love is tough - maybe that was a problem. It's going to be something I think about as I move on and meet other people. I have got affection to share with somebody, but if they don't want to receive it, it's a waste. This girl was so happy in her own company and she seems to just want that I think. No, I won't send her a message or contact her friends, what's the point? Moving on and moving forward is key. I really like your analogy of shutting the door and not locking it. Also, as you say why worry about crossing bridges you haven't even reached? Dedicate that energy somewhere else! Thanks for sharing the details of your BU - sounds like first love is tough! Good call on the mature and responsible break up there. Why have a massive argument and be rude to somebody? Maybe some people need that to get over the ex though? The first week has been really tough. Not sleeping too well and needing to make sure I eat. I think it gets to a point where your body has to have rest and food to even function on a basic level. How do you feel? Did you make any changes in your life to avoid bumping in to them or thinking about them?
Author theskyisblue Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Samilia thanks for the reply. You send some tough love this way but I understand what you're saying. I don't want to keep feeling bad and I don't want to keep hurting about this. Coming off as needy and insecure would be the worst thing - and like others have said, even though it would be a message that didn't need a reply (be it to her or a mutual friend) I would still be anxiously looking at the phone to see if there had been a response. That doesn't seem like a very good way to live. You had experience with this yourself?
louisehawley6 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Hey louise, I didn't send the message and have been keeping myself busy. Just talking to people and processing it. I think I struggle because it was off and on and she set the terms for it and I kept fighting and going back to it. Lots of good advice on here and it's true you have to move on with stuff. Meeting other people will be a bit tough I think but then you have to accept that. I guess that's the thing with relationships - when they don't work you have to accept that. Maybe she will realise that we had something good but all I need to concentrate on doing is keeping myself busy and getting over this. Lots of people on this forum to chat with which really helps as well. Louise, are you in a good place - seems like you've learned a lot from your experience. I have learnt a lot..the main things I have learnt are: 1. Although it might sound selfish the only person thats really important is you. You spend all your time with you, if you don't love yourself how can you possibly love anyone else? 2. You can only control your feelings and emotions no one else's. 3. Time is the essence to everything. 4. If its meant to be its meant to be. 5. It's normal to go through the five stages of grief. 6. You will love again and someone will love you. Experience is everything...you become stronger because of the things you haw been through in life. Without those experiences you don't learn. My ex was also comfortable within himself and I know why now. I met him at 19 and he knew himself through and through. He'd never had to think of anyone but himself and when he had to think of me as well as him it was a shock. It's easier for him to just think about him...but he will be lonely but that's not my problem anymore. It'a also very healthy to talk to people about your problems and how yours feeling. If you don't you run the risk of bottling up those feelings and emotions and they'll creep up on you. Continue to surround yourself in people.
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Samilia thanks for the reply. You send some tough love this way but I understand what you're saying. I don't want to keep feeling bad and I don't want to keep hurting about this. Coming off as needy and insecure would be the worst thing - and like others have said, even though it would be a message that didn't need a reply (be it to her or a mutual friend) I would still be anxiously looking at the phone to see if there had been a response. That doesn't seem like a very good way to live. You had experience with this yourself? What I think is that life, your life, is precious and that you shouldn't waste time making a fool out of yourself, that's what you would achieve by sending a message to a "mutual friend" or to her. I know it feels like the end of the world and it probably feels like you're alone and have been rejected but understand that right now you're just lonely, and it's not the same thing. If you can't reach to friends, reach to your family, that's what family is for. One thing is true, life is short. A lot of people learn that way too late or burn the candle at both ends way too fast. Bottom line, don't waste your time, life, on this. Enjoy all those years you have ahead of you, don't waste them on some girl who broke your heart, because soon enough that's all she will be, some girl. You will meet someone good to you and hopefully spend years with her, the rest of your life if you're lucky enough. So wake up, grab the bull by the horns, get back on the horse, whatever analogy suits you best, but just do it.
cincinnatikid Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 This is just my interpretation of things, but sometimes there are times where a) there is no real answer and / or b) it's not for you to understand. read as many posts as you like on this site and you'll be deluged with the standard cliche(s): "it takes time," "time heals all wounds," etc. Cliches are annoying as **** and don't seem to work most of the time. The caveat to them though is that the reason they have stood the test of time and continue to be used is because 99.9% of the time they are true. Another way to look at things sometimes (if this can help you) is that you don't necessarily have to move on to let go. True love is being able to love someone and wish them the best regardless of who they are with or where they are in their life. Love is the persistence of admiration. Only you know if the person you loved or pining over is worth that admiration. It's up to you decide. Regardless of how you feel your life will go on. Take things as a journey and move one step at a time.
Pod81 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Hey pod, this was actually really helpful thank you. Been so lost in my own thoughts that it's great to have somebody say something that makes sense. Imagine if I had ended up as a divorce statistic? That would be so much worse. I sent that card to her, and like you say, she's completely aware of how I feel. She is the person that has the issue with the relationship. Being a first love is tough - maybe that was a problem. It's going to be something I think about as I move on and meet other people. I have got affection to share with somebody, but if they don't want to receive it, it's a waste. This girl was so happy in her own company and she seems to just want that I think. No, I won't send her a message or contact her friends, what's the point? Moving on and moving forward is key. I really like your analogy of shutting the door and not locking it. Also, as you say why worry about crossing bridges you haven't even reached? Dedicate that energy somewhere else! Thanks for sharing the details of your BU - sounds like first love is tough! Good call on the mature and responsible break up there. Why have a massive argument and be rude to somebody? Maybe some people need that to get over the ex though? The first week has been really tough. Not sleeping too well and needing to make sure I eat. I think it gets to a point where your body has to have rest and food to even function on a basic level. How do you feel? Did you make any changes in your life to avoid bumping in to them or thinking about them? Even though I have come a long way from the break-up, I still do think of her everyday. I also care about and miss her, but at the same time, I have the sense in knowing that I cannot take her back anytime in the near future. That, combined with the fact that I've done all I could to be a great boyfriend, has given me peace because it really was beyond my control. I can't blame myself and I can't blame her either because she is going through the "trying to figure out what I want" phase that almost everyone her age goes through. They just have too little life and love experience to know what they want. The only thing we can blame is just bad timing. As for changes in my life, I'm taking up old hobbies, working out, hanging out with old friends, started going back to church, and helping out others in distress on LS. All of these things help build up my confidence and is helping me get over my situation. The community at LS has been absolutely amazing! I definitely wouldn't be progressing as much without all the help I've had here. Unfortunately, there is no magic cure for the heartbreak, but as long as I'm making slow and steady progress, I'll be happy. Go out there and try to improve in each of these key areas: physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
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