Setbacks in disguise

[CopingGal]

So I've been feeling better over all. But I've been binging and staying up all night even though overall the sadness is less. Binging and lack of sleep are still symptoms of depression.

 

Have any of you been having symptoms without feeling too sad that you think might indicate that there is deep underlying sadness?

Edited July 17, 2012 by CopingGal

[Coffee20]

I have the same. I have troubles with sleeping, troubles with concentration and I am like "numb" a lot, like I don't really care about things anymore.

[Viv]

Hey CG

 

Saw your comment on my post and wanted to say thank you!

 

I have happy times now, but overall there is a feeling of underlying sadness that is always there. I don't think it's depression just part of who I am at the moment, and it doesn't really bother me.

 

Even though not sleeping and bingeing can be signs of depression I think a fair number of people fall into habits like that at some point, I think what matters is if you can pull yourself out of doing things that aren't good for you in the long term, and replace them with something healthier?

 

Thats just my take on it, but I don't think sadness (as opposed to depression) is such a bad thing if it's a natural reaction to what has happened. Others may disagree.

 

You stay strong too!

[Exit]

Yes I think I would say my outright sadness about the situation seems to have diminished but is probably still apparently in most of my behaviors. I'm the opposite, I don't lack sleep when I'm depressed, I sleep like a bear. The last few days I have only been awake for a few hours at a time before going back to bed for a few more hours. Actually this week I have been more exhausted that ever in recent memory and I don't know if it's just the hot weather or getting more depressed. Also my diet is terrible, I keep wanting to get that back on track but I rely on the comfort foods to give me a little bit of a boost. So yeah I'd say looking at me overall I'm still pretty sad about it despite maybe being able to say I am getting over it bit by bit.

[Sugarkane]

Yeah I do the same when I get depressed. I go to bed late (I'm more of a night owl) and sleep all day. then I either eat too much or not enough.

[broken-and-lost]

haven't slept right in over a year and 1/2 so answer is yes

[pathetic1999]

Yes nothing bothers me anymore, my house was robbed last week I didn't care. I said oh well i have insurance, everyone freaked out saying don't you feel scared or like your spaced was invaded or anything?? I said nope things happen. Stuff like that goes on and I frankly just don't care, I am numb about everything.

[Jason02]

although the depression and hardest part of the break up is over. there is always an underlying sadness in everything i do now a days. when i hang out with friends, watch a movie, read a book, anything i do there is a sadness i always feel. nothing major, but just like a tiny prick at the back of my mind that i always get to kind of remind me that i shouldn't be so happy. a few close people to me say they noticed i carry myself differently now. which i wouldn't disagree.

[CopingGal]

Yes nothing bothers me anymore, my house was robbed last week I didn't care. I said oh well i have insurance, everyone freaked out saying don't you feel scared or like your spaced was invaded or anything?? I said nope things happen. Stuff like that goes on and I frankly just don't care, I am numb about everything.

 

Sorry about your house. Hmmm, that's a little scary that you were not scared. IT's funny, because it seems good not to be upset then things happen. But the fact that that did not upset you worries me a little. Are you talking with a therapist?

[CopingGal]

I have an idea. I was thinking about my negative behaviors that I have been doing in the past year. And one thing that is clear is that things are better for me when I slowwwww down.

 

1-Why am I eating so fast? Where am I going? I'm stuck in the crap tiny town with nothing to do, so why am I eating so fast? I eat while watching TV shows on the computer. I'm paying more attention to the computer than to my food. Why am I not keeping the food journal I said I was going to? What's going on?

 

In a stress management workshop I took, the instructor wanted us to eat slowly and really experience our food- the shape, the taste, how it felt in our mouths...etc.

 

I want to weigh my food. I have chronic acid reflux and no gallbladder, so why am I binging? Why am I shoving food down my throat?

 

I want to keep track of what I am eating and make some notes in my journal. I need to pay more attention to what I am eating. I can eat with cool jazz music on...something slow and pleasant and try to make the experience more about the process of eating and less about shoving food into my mouth.

 

Keeping track of my food is good for me because of my health problems. I know this. Why am I not doing this?

 

Morning Chigong slows me down and helps me to keep focus. Deep breathing slows me down and keeps my focused. I haven't done deep breathing in about 2 weeks. Why not? It doesn't cost anything. I haven't done Chigong in several days. I must start again.

 

 

2-Why am I doing dishes so fast? Why am I doing other household chores so quickly?

 

My sinks is so tiny, when I wash dishes water is constantly being splashed...even dirty water on the clean dishes next to the sink (counter space is very small) so I have to do them again. Why am I doing them so late to the point that I am too tired to finish sometimes?

 

I need to take more pride in the place I live in. I read in a book, clean room- clean mind.

 

 

3-When I get up to walk around for my circulation, why am I taking less than 5 minutes to do this?

 

I sit down almost every minute of the day. I need to pay more attention to my body and I need to take longer breaks between hours on the computer. I haven't exercised in about 2 weeks. It's hard for me to excercise because I have to wait so long after I eat because of my condition...but I need to try harder.

 

 

4-Why am I drinking water and juice so fast? Where am I going?

 

I need to take my time so my stomach will be less nervous. I need to make sure I drink 8 glasses of water a day and less juice. The doc said no more than 1/2 cup in one day. I ignored that comment. Where do I go after I drink? Nowhere but to the living room, so why did I drink the water so fast?

 

 

5-Why am I getting ready for bed so quickly?

 

Why do I wait to the last minute when I'm so tired I feel like I'm going drop? Sometimes this is after 3 am. Why am I doing this? I'm supposed to be doing my nighttime Chigong and deep breathing. I'm supposed to be flossing my teeth and brushing my teeth before bed. I'm supposed to start getting ready for bed 2 hours before. That will let me do the Chigong, take my time flossing, doing the breathing exercising, and maybe some reading. Even an hour is good or 45 minutes. But no, I just stay up, stay up, stay up, and then FLOP!

 

 

6-Why am I sleeping with men too soon in the relationship? Why do I drop my walls when I DON'T even know them?

 

I know that getting to know someone takes time. Why do I let these men call my every day? That is rushing it. Why do I let them have sex with me when I don't even know them well? Am I afraid they will leave me if I don't? Most men want to have sex within 2 weeks of meeting me. Men have called me "baby" when I don't sleep with them right away. To them, sleeping with them will prove that I am an adult. That turns me off and I never seen them again.

 

One man who acted as if he cared about me said waiting for feelings to develop and then sleeping with him would be putting the cart before the horse. He lied to me over and over again when I wouldn't sleep with him...telling me he had to stay away from me because his grandmother died. He hurt me and stopped calling me. Once he told me I was putting the cart before the horse, I should have left him immediately.

 

Why do I put up with losers? Why do I sleep with losers? Why do I sleep with men who are unworthy of me? Who do bad things? Who are selfish? Why don't I take my time and make sure before I give myself to someone that he is treating me good? Why don't I take my time and make sure I am giving myself to someone who is a good, kind, decent person?

 

Why do I try to force men to treat me well? Like my last ex? I forced, forced, forced him to treat me well throughout the relationship. No wonder everything he told me and did was a lie. I should have walked away after our 1st date.

 

I need to slowwww down. Slowwww down. Get to know men slowly, journal about my experiences with them. Process my dates.

 

I think if I slow down most aspects of my life, it will get better and I will learn more.

[SerCay]

Hi CopingGal,

 

It's funny, I have that ''doing everything quickly'' thing too!

It's weird how I can't relax and take time. As if I'm always in a hurry to get somewhere!

I even have this with other stuff, for example when doing my hair, make up, working out at the gym. Weird stuff huh!!

 

Really wonder where that comes from.

It's like I only don't care about doing it fast, when I'm sitting at the couch binging or just hanging! I also sleep late..

 

(And I hate my ex so much sooo much for telling me that he's suffering and he hates me for moving on so quickly, but on the other hand working out every day and eating right since we broke up, and losing weight..guess I'm jealous, wish I could do that)

[jmjacobs31]

I don't do things quickly, I just do too many things. I've been in my own place for 3 weeks and I've only unpacked a few boxes. I'm numb to everything. I keep losing things and I done care. I never sleep and eat pure junk even though I'm training for a marathon. my anxiety is horrible. I'm sad but not horribly sad. I kinda feel like I have no more emotions left in me. I'm blah.

[CopingGal]

As anyone done deep breathing exercises? They really do help.

[pathetic1999]

Sorry about your house. Hmmm, that's a little scary that you were not scared. IT's funny, because it seems good not to be upset then things happen. But the fact that that did not upset you worries me a little. Are you talking with a therapist?

 

Yes I am seeing a therapist, I think I have just been so hurt that like my hurt button is burnt out. I am taking precautions because I have a child don't get me wrong but for me personally I just don't care. If I didn't have a child quite frankly I wouldn't care about anything with myself, I could lay in a ditch and never get up again. I only move forward with things because of my son, I have better days and I go out a lot and have friends and laugh and people think I am so much better now and I am. But for the most part I feel pretty much like my life is over.

[Blastoplast]

although the depression and hardest part of the break up is over. there is always an underlying sadness in everything i do now a days. when i hang out with friends, watch a movie, read a book, anything i do there is a sadness i always feel. nothing major, but just like a tiny prick at the back of my mind that i always get to kind of remind me that i shouldn't be so happy. a few close people to me say they noticed i carry myself differently now. which i wouldn't disagree.

 

Same here. I was out at my favorite bar watching a band this past Sunday, The bartender noticed that I had a smile on my face (a real one) and she said it was good to see me smile again b/c she heard what happened between me and my EX. And I did feel good that night.

 

But most nights I just feel alone, like I don't exist and that everybody around me are just shadows in the dark. I've been doing some light exercise, and reading or writing, but it doesn't change the fact that I still just don't feel right. All my friends and acquaintances have noticed this in me. The worst is, I try living in the moment and I want to enjoy everything... it's just not there. She broke up with me a week before my birthday, and outside of getting laid this past Sunday, this has been the worst Summer of my life -- when I know it should be one of the best.

[pathetic1999]

Same here. I was out at my favorite bar watching a band this past Sunday, The bartender noticed that I had a smile on my face (a real one) and she said it was good to see me smile again b/c she heard what happened between me and my EX. And I did feel good that night.

 

But most nights I just feel alone, like I don't exist and that everybody around me are just shadows in the dark. I've been doing some light exercise, and reading or writing, but it doesn't change the fact that I still just don't feel right. All my friends and acquaintances have noticed this in me. The worst is, I try living in the moment and I want to enjoy everything... it's just not there. She broke up with me a week before my birthday, and outside of getting laid this past Sunday, this has been the worst Summer of my life -- when I know it should be one of the best.

 

Same the sadness is ever present, I cannot shake it. I do have fun now and again but if I don't have something to do at all times I get so sad and lonely feeling.

[CopingGal]

Yes I am seeing a therapist, I think I have just been so hurt that like my hurt button is burnt out. I am taking precautions because I have a child don't get me wrong but for me personally I just don't care. If I didn't have a child quite frankly I wouldn't care about anything with myself, I could lay in a ditch and never get up again. I only move forward with things because of my son, I have better days and I go out a lot and have friends and laugh and people think I am so much better now and I am. But for the most part I feel pretty much like my life is over.

 

 

I think your life is just starting. It's a new begining with a slow start. It's a brand new life that can be even better than your old one. Go out and do somthing grand...something that really counts.