ihateslowjams Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 ughhh... i just posted a thread talking about how i will not waste anymore time on being depressed, yet here i am wasting valuable time venting again... Its been 5 weeks NC and 6 weeks post BU with the urge to break NC. I know i shouldn't because the issues of the BU has not yet been resolved (my education, not in my career, and still live at home with the parents) and it will not help in a reconciliation. This sucks... I feel like such a failure because I have nothing going on in my life at the moment. Ive lost my friends and i practically don't have time for much else due to school and work. I know life is not a competition and i shouldn't compare, but how can i become happy/confident with myself again when I have nothing that shows i have my life together? The BU really opened my eyes to my current lifestyle and desperately want to improve everything (just like in the movie "Limitless"), but it will take a minimum of 3 more years to get to where i want to be (graduate and enter my career field). Im really feeling down today and can't focus on studying for my midterm thats takes place tomorrow night -_- BU's are never timely for the dumpee... Sigh
steelgator Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 well, first thing you can do is find another place to live...that would be a start. If you can't afford it...get a job
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks gator for the advice. I'm going to pretend the OP isn't me and give advice. Its usually easier to give advice to other people than it is to myself (i'm sure thats the same case to most of you). Its been 5 weeks NC and 6 weeks post BU with the urge to break NC. I know i shouldn't because the issues of the BU has not yet been resolved (my education, not in my career, and still live at home with the parents) and it will not help in a reconciliation. This sucks... I feel like such a failure because I have nothing going on in my life at the moment. Ive lost my friends and i practically don't have time for much else due to school and work. I know life is not a competition and i shouldn't compare, but how can i become happy/confident with myself again when I have nothing that shows i have my life together? The BU really opened my eyes to my current lifestyle and desperately want to improve everything (just like in the movie "Limitless"), but it will take a minimum of 3 more years to get to where i want to be (graduate and enter my career field). Im really feeling down today and can't focus on studying for my midterm thats takes place tomorrow night -_- BU's are never timely for the dumpee... Sigh Right now, you should just focus on one thing at a time. BU's are never easy to deal with and right now, you seem to have a lot on your plate. Stay focused on school because that is whats going to improve your life. Forget about the girl because its not going to help you one bit. What is going to help you, is improving your grades so you can get accepted to a good university and will have the opportunity to move out because of it. Set a goal for yourself and create "bench marks" along the way. I'm sure the closest bench mark for your goal of a better future involves transferring to a university. so focus on that and do whatever it takes to get there. Once thats done, move on to the next benchmark. Right now, you can't afford anymore time on a relationship. If you're unhappy with your life, you have to stop complaining and do something about it. Its not going to change just by "venting" on an online forum. Stay focused and concentrate at your task at hand. Right now, if you drop the ball on your current classes, you will lose your chance of getting into a good university. This failure will prove to your ex how right she was to leave. However, if you do happen to do well and get into the university you want to get into and eventually graduate, well then its a win-win situation for you. You'll be that much better off in life and if you ever meet your ex, all of your issues would have been resolved. so stick with it, stop moping, and looking for pity. its pretty pathetic. Be a man, and pick yourself off the ground. This is your chance to get to where you want to go. you have no more obligations and can fully focus on your self-discovery/self-worth. in the words of EgoJoe, "stop letting Women define your reality" and make your own with what you believe it should be. 1
Riseabove Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 How old are you? I'm guessing you are quite young because of where you are regarding education. Anyway you should remain NC. Rarely does it come anything good out of it. Why are you so hard on yourself? To me it seems as you are on the right track, educating yourself and moving on. Education does not come overnight, and if your ex wanted you to be educated, a houseowner and working full time earning a lot of money then you are not right for her at the moment, and she probably is not right for you. Time will heal all wounds and you will meet someone along the way that is satisfied with the way you are at that particular time of your life.
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 university will take your mind off her. your focus will shift. i am on my final year and its unfortunate i met my ex at this university when she was on final year! bad timing. but yeah i get how you feel, i struggled to focus on my 2nd year but i did it and got there in the end with a good result. i cannot wait to finish now and move on
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 How old are you? I'm guessing you are quite young because of where you are regarding education. Anyway you should remain NC. Rarely does it come anything good out of it. Why are you so hard on yourself? To me it seems as you are on the right track, educating yourself and moving on. Education does not come overnight, and if your ex wanted you to be educated, a houseowner and working full time earning a lot of money then you are not right for her at the moment, and she probably is not right for you. Time will heal all wounds and you will meet someone along the way that is satisfied with the way you are at that particular time of your life. Is 27 considered young? i feel super old... considering i won't graduate till 30 Anyways, I just realized I need to stop being hard on myself and just make the best of what i got and fix all of the issues that i have. Theres no point thinking about the "what ifs" anymore. Just get up and do something now. Slowly progressing to shift my mentality 100% to that last sentence.
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 university will take your mind off her. your focus will shift. i am on my final year and its unfortunate i met my ex at this university when she was on final year! bad timing. but yeah i get how you feel, i struggled to focus on my 2nd year but i did it and got there in the end with a good result. i cannot wait to finish now and move on Yeah, i need to focus to increase my chances and not screw this up. Ill be applying to transfer this fall. I pray i get in
Blastoplast Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 OP, my EX GF and I were in a similar situation to you (outside of living with parents). We had been dating 7 years, I'm 28, she's 27 -- neither of us have careers, just "jobs", but we were making it work until fall last year when she wasn't able to pay rent. I supported her from Sept - May, along with helping her when she had a kidney stone for about 4 weeks early in this year. I think having no insurance and having all day to sit in bed and reassess your life can do a lot to you, she has 30k in student loans, 10k in credit card debt, and amassed a debt to me of about 8k. Me supporting her more than I should have started putting a divide between us -- our sex life diminished to next to nothing, she started becoming distant and that "spark" was gone, as she put it. Well, I end up finding a new apartment that would save us lots of $$$, much closer to work and closer to where I"m going to school in fall. SHe says she doesn't want to move there because she has much bigger plans to figure herself out, and that she sees this apartment I'm living in as not "temporary", that she doesn't want to be here for another 2 years. Before I signed u p for classes, I was going to use this apartment and make a move together where we could start fresh. She said it was too late for that. That's my story -- but what I'm really getting at is that we were having serious talks about marriage and our future, and with her huge debt burden and our relationship on the rocks because of it, it wasn't realistic or fair for either of us. I still struggle with the outcome, because on the outside everybody envied us since we were always SO happy as a couple. If only they knew. I would continue with your NC. Going back to what you were is going to be tough, you have to keep looking at the future. It's going to be tough, but you have to do it. I'm going to be working full time AND going to school, I just have to keep my mind to it. Good luck, keep your chin up!
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