Sameold Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 So you get screwed over, your gf leaves for whatever reason, she is seeing another guy soon after blah blah blah. Irrespective you might hate her but you know in your heart you would take her back tommorow if only she would ask you to... So if this is how you feel do you let your relationship end on the suffering and pain she has caused you? I did and I think it got the message across about how disgusted I was and the things I said will weigh on her mind. However, should I have just said "ok, I love you and i'll be here hoping you return". Before I realised what a sorry excuse of a man I was I did kind of leave it like this but then good really angry as she was the one who had ruined everything, why should she get away guilt free. So people, is there a best way to end? And as dumpees can we really just let the dumpers do whatever they want with us with no ramifications? Most of us want reconciliation but isn't it something they should have to fight for anyway? Surely most break ups are messy.
k100danny Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you feel you have been wronged and hurt you can show your anger or distaste at how someone treat you, this can do one of two things. Make them feel guilty which they probably already did for doing it and din't do it at the drop of a hat or just make them hate you. No you don't have to put up with dumpers doing as they like. You say they should fight for you? They broke up with you they don't want to fight for you. Two people fall in love but one falls out of love this is all it takes, By them knowing how much you are hurting and how much you love them it won't change their minds. I think it is fine after a break up to say ok I love you but if you want to leave then i respect that. I think it is lowering yourself saying I will be waiting for you to return, you shouldnt wait for anyone. People say but I love them ect, yes you may do but you need to have some self respect. When me and my ex broke up I was very hurt. I felt i had done everything she wanted, tried very hard even when I thought it wouldn't work and she wanted us to try and my predictions came true. After the break up I said I know you weren't happy, I love you but I don't want to be with someone who isn't happy. If you have a chance to be happier I want you to take it. Goodbye and i wish you well. that was basically it.
Author Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 That's very big of you but chances are in life there will always be something to make you "happier". I would say the happiest people are those people who work at their relationships (at least to a point). I could never have just let me ex go like that, she completely stomped all over my heart leaving things how she did....I hope the guilt gets her.
k100danny Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Of course there will always be thing you would think would make your happier but i'm not talking about little things here, of course relationships should be worked on but it takes two people to be successful at working on a relationship and this comes when you both meet each others needs. If one person wants to leave and has different plans for the future or they don't seem to be happy (which they aren't if they are leaving the relationship) then this is something they have thought about, most break ups don't happen overnight even if it feels like they do, this is rarely the case unless cheating ect is involved. So basically I agree with what you are saying but you have to realise that we as dumpee's don't have a right to make the other person feel guilty most of the time. It seems hard on us but it was probably not the easiest thing in the world for them either, at the beginning they may demonise you in their heads as it eases the pain and the may act cold and distant but THEY are hurting too just at a different stage and for different reasons. I still love my ex but I would never settle for her not being happy, and I can't handle knowing she wasn't for whatever reason. I have heard it is a personailty trait from people who have known her years, she is selfish and always wants things right now, but I know I couldn't live like that. I want someone who is content with what they get and I believe i give enough. So this is how i justify it to myself. I love you but we can't be happy in a relationship. I care for her now in a loving way but i know it is for the best. I know that one day I will be happy if she settles down and finds someone and they truly love each other with all their hearts although at the moment the fact she seems to have moved on quickly kills me. But we never know what the other person feels.
Author Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks for reply Danny. I wont get all in to it but basically me and my ex had an awesome relationship for 3.5 years, then we moved in together to both start new jobs 100 miles apart (we lived between). She never even had the courtesy to tell me things were going wrong and then I found out that in the last week or our relationship (and obv before) she had been flirting with some guy. She said it was wrong but just friendly and she wasn't perfect etc but that it meant nothing. Now a few weeks down the line when I had my final attempt at rescuing it I pushed her and found that she has now seen this guy a bit (like for drinks or a date i dunno). So...things can never end well in a sceanrio like that. She isn't going out with him but obviously she sub-conciously started putting things in to place to have something else straight away I was out the picture. It makes it even worse that I know she is only even bothered about that guy because he is part of the new social network she has made at her new job (lots of young people working there and they all live in same commuter town she is now moving to). So its like I lost her to a set of cirucmstances and a job....so after 4 years I think I have a right to be angry and in time when she sees all her old friends still with their partners from when we got together I know she will feel guilt. Grass isn't always greener.
Samilia Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 For me it's not about what you say but how you say it. A "F*uck you b****!!!" that you would scream at her wouldn't give you any power. However a smile on your face and the same declaration told in a calm manner would have a different impact.
Author Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Hey Sam thanks for your input. Basically I put together a very well worded text, ending along the lines of "go and enjoy your shiny new life. What a waste." I guess the idea was to almost belittle her and show her how disgusted I was. I never swore at her, just told her what I thought she had become.
Follower Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 To be honest if/when the next time comes around ill be letting it all loose and telling my ex exactly what i think of them and how there treating me, letting my ex go relatively scot free is something thats bothered me for a while.
Author Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 To be honest if/when the next time comes around ill be letting it all loose and telling my ex exactly what i think of them and how there treating me, letting my ex go relatively scot free is something thats bothered me for a while. That was my way of thinking, when you get screwed over you need to let them know. They will be convincing themselves they havn't hurt you and their actions are justified. Leaving someone is one thing but there's a way to do it and if any of it involves other people whether it means anything or not then rightly they should be persecuted for it.
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