SLC4548 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Ok I'll try and keep this as short as possible! I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months, he has a son aged 8 months with his ex girlfriend (they split up shortly after he was born). Things have been going really well, we were only seeing each other once or twice a week because we live about 25 miles apart and he doesn't have a car at the moment but he always said he thought it was a good thing that we didn't live closer as it made him appreciate the time we did spend together a lot more. Anyway, about 2 weeks ago his ex found out that he was seeing me (I'm the first girl he's seen since they split up, she's just moved in with her third boyfriend in 8 months) and she started causing trouble, sending me messages on Facebook saying he's only seeing me to make her jealous because he's still in love with her etc. she's also started asking him to look after their son at weekends, something she would never let him do before he was seeing me. We had a big talk about this and he said that he knew she would try and cause trouble once he eventually moved on but he was going to sort things out and arrange set days to see his son through a solicitor and also get a car so that he could come and stay with me during the week. Around this time, he said he wanted to make it official between us and make the step into a proper relationship. I said I didn't feel ready for this as he had previously said he wanted to take things slowly and I wasn't sure that he knew what he wanted. We carried on seeing each other, really enjoying our time together and he said this was the happiest he had been for a long time. His ex carried on trying to cause trouble and me and him ended up having a small argument, in which I told him I needed a few days without contact or seeing each other to get my head straight and figure out what I wanted. I also said I thought he should use the time to do the same but he said he knew he wanted to be with me and nothing would change that. He texted me the night of the argument to say he knows we haven't been seeing each other long but I've made him really happy and he loves spending time with me and he understands I need some time and he respects that and hopes to talk to me soon. The very next day he sent me another text saying he's not stupid and that I'm clearly going to end things when he hasn't even done anything wrong. I told him that wasn't the case and the time apart (however brief) had actually made me realise I wanted to give things a go. I went to see him the next night and we talked, I said I was concerned that he had a lot of issues in his life at the moment and that he might not be ready for a relationship but he said he's never felt more ready, and when he's with me it's the only time he can forget his problems and just be happy. I was supposed to be staying over at his house at the weekend and he texted me on the Friday saying he was really looking forward to seeing me then on the Saturday morning when he got up for work he text me to say good morning and to come round at 7pm. About 3 hours after this text I received another one saying he was caught in two minds because he really likes me and wants our relationship to work but on the other hand he doesn't think it's going to because of all of his issues. I was totally taken aback by this after everything he had said previously and told him I thought we were sorting things out but he said if we were to make a go of things, seeing me only once a week wasn't going to be enough because I make him too happy to only see me so little. He also said he thinks this decision is the best for everyone in the long run and that one day I will see that too. That was on Saturday and I haven't heard from him since. I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve by posting this, I think I just needed to get it off my chest and try to understand how someone can have such a total change of heart so suddenly! Any thoughts? (and if you've managed to read all of this, thank you!)
hinatticus Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 All I can say is that dating someone with a child will be risky. I've recently become a single dad myself and I've told myself if I'm ever in the casual dating scene and my ex wanted me back I wouldn't hesitate to reconcile with her. Having my family back is sooo important to me. Maybe your ex decided that having his family or just being able to see his child was enough to distract himself from you. Maybe he's got other reasons too. Who knows what people are thinking. People do weird stuff all the time.
Recommended Posts