MyEmptyHeart Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 A little background that I am not to proud of, but i am where I am. I had an affiar with this woman, lady A, for 4 years...we do work together but were able to hide it from everyone, they all think we are just good friends. We got together every time we could, not just for sex but for companionship, conversation, etc. We actually did not have sex until about 6 months after the emotional affair started, we both fell in love and confessed our love for each other way before sex....this went on for 3 years, both being married we had our times of guilt and stuff so we would stop for a while but would be drawn back together....People, i know what we did was wrong but we are where we are so please don't judge. She actually started marriage counseling about 2.5 years into our relationship and it did not work out, however she did keep going to individual counseling. After about 5 months of individual counseling she all of a sudden told me that she wanted to try to work things out with her husband....I completely understood but was terribly heartbroken, I did the texting hell, tried to talk to her while at work etc....this lasted about 6 months, though we never really lost contact.. During that time I left my wife, mostly from things that were always wrong with us but also because I knew I had feelings for someone else and if I could have that with someone else it was not fair to her. About a month after i left the house, I was up one evening kinda late and Lady A was texting me, she was out with some friends (Mind you, she was still living at home at this time), she said she wanted to pass by...I of course agreed....when she came over she looked gorgeous, she immediately fell into my arms and kissed me like I had never been kissed before, i was in complete heaven. After that she told me she was leaving her husband but it was going to take some time due to finances, etc....I understood but it was tough to hear. Our relationship continued, we started going out on dates, etc, had really great dates. ....a few months ago, Lady A starting recognizing some things that just didn't feel kosher to her, things I was doing with my family, etc....I completely understood and i changed those things the best I could....you see, i know I was going to get a divorce but I was trying to maintain a friendship with my wife so we could co-parent our child the best we could....some of those things Lady A agreed with and some she didn't...to be honest, the ones she didn't agree with were valid. At this point I am out of the house for 8 months, Lady A and i had an argument and I finally decided I am going to come clean with my wife, I really felt she should know...well, as expected i guess, all hell broke loose, after about two weeks her and LAdy A compared notes, Lady A's husband found out (The have not lived together for 6 months now.) and Lady A was beside herself...since then she has completely built a wall between us and it is tearing me up. Folks, again, I know, how we got here was crappy on all accounts but we are where we are and there have been two very nice people that have been seriously hurt, for that we both apologize greatly... My problem now is, Lady A wants nothing to do with me, she says when she sees me all she sees is the pain we've caused....I on the other hand see the woman I love when I see her. She says she needs time to heal, time to get things together on her end and will not go back. it kills me to hear that, especially after we have given up so much to be together. People, i really really want a relationship with this person, and not because I know its over with my wife.....its over with my wife because I chose it to be, and because I am hopelessly in love with Lady A. I asked her if she would like to get some coffee one day, she said she would but wants to see that i am healthy first...and not showing desperation, etc. What do I do? Its been since February that we have broken up and I am still in a hole.
Nukem Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Most affairs end like this. The affair is a corrective relationship which cannot exist without the primary relationship i.e. the marriage. Try reconciling with your wife. The family is the most important. Chose to love her. There is a chance with lady A. Pretend your'e healthy. Meet her. Be her friend. If her angels are weak you'll win her back. But keep in mind you have to love her for real. Everyone needs to love and be loved. But real love means meeting her emotional needs, putting her on first place. Pray for your marriage, be with your child. They are real.
Author MyEmptyHeart Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) I do love her for real and am trying to put on a healthy face, but it is tough. And we were on our way to it being just us, in fact for the last few months it was. Thanks for the advice, keep it coming Edited July 16, 2012 by MyEmptyHeart
Nukem Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Remember both ways will be long and bumpy - an year or two. Whatever you chose do not divorce. And do not give up. Be consistent and constant in your actions. Never initiate a divorce. You need a backup plan in both cases. I cannot endure my sitch and got divorced. I regret.
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