Mon_Troppo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 There's a woman I've been hanging out with as a friend for a little over three months now. We met at the gym, and really connected over our dedication to working out. Outside of the gym we have many similar interests and communicate with each other very often. A month into our friendship, we got honest to the point where we both expressed that we are attracted to each other, but since she broke up with her boyfriend not too long before we met, she expressed (indirectly) that she doesn't want to jump into a new relationship. Fast forward to last Tuesday: we had sex (and we were sober.) The day after we carried on as usual, complaining about work, meeting at the gym to workout, talking about what we made for dinner, same-old same-old. No lovey-dovey relationship stuff implied or suggested by either of us. But starting last Thursday she's been texting me about guys she sees that are attractive and asking me how I she should approach them, what to say, how she can't pick them up because she's not dressed right, etc. Now this is strange to me, because she's never done this before. So she sent me yet another one of these texts today on her lunch break. I replied asking if she's trying to make me jealous. She says she's interested to know why I think she'd be trying to do that and I'm a hypocrite because I text her all the time about girls I hook-up with (Perhaps I used to do that before, but definitely not in the last 1.5 months or so) I say fine. Touché! And told her that if she wants just hook up with other guys, don't bother asking me how or when. Just do it. She says she doesn't' see why I'm getting snarky with her, that she likes flirting with guys, but doesn't just hook-up with random guys she meets. Says that for her, having sex with someone requires a deeper "more complicated" connection. Not just physical attraction. She also throws it in there that she wasn't intending for us to hook up last Tuesday, but she doesn't regret it all. It just "wasn't supposed to happen" I reply, that it's interesting she'd mention us having sex (first of all) and how she didn't expect it to happen but doesn't regret it. She replies that "she tries not to make regretting things a habit of hers" I say fine, whatever and that's where we're at so far. What's her deal? Thanks!
Ami1uwant Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Sounds as if there was a miscomunication about Tuesday night...how did each of you view this--as a one time thing or something more? You need to talk to her about this. You need ot share your feelings because its obvious to me you had thought the sex meant something more like you guys were starting a relationship. I dont have a problem with FWB relationships---as long as you both are open and honest up front.
Author Mon_Troppo Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Sounds as if there was a miscomunication about Tuesday night...how did each of you view this--as a one time thing or something more? You need to talk to her about this. You need ot share your feelings because its obvious to me you had thought the sex meant something more like you guys were starting a relationship. I dont have a problem with FWB relationships---as long as you both are open and honest up front. That's the thing. Guess I should elaborate some more, did leave a few things out (not on purpose though, forgot some bits and just didn't want to post a wall of text): When we met it was purely based on working out. But I started flirting with her every now and then, and she flirted back. I've always been attracted to her, but in the beginning it was purely sexual. Now that we've been talking more and more, I find she's a pretty cool person to be around and has a nice personality most of the time. When she finally expressed to me that she found me attractive (physically and mentally) I had no objections but, like I said, she was cautious about pursuing her feelings since she'd broke up with her boyfriend a month or so before we met. Specifically, she said that she "was developing feelings for me very quickly" and "didn't want to rush things" like she did with her ex-boyfriend. In the weeks leading up to last Tuesday night, we'd kissed a few times times. The first time was all me. I just had the urge to kiss her, so I did and she welcomed it. The other times, it was mutual. After she'd always say that she "shouldn't be kissing me", but I just told her shrug it off as an expression of our feelings at the moment so she wouldn't feel pressured by it. While we didn't get all romantic after Tuesday night, she and I did discuss what happened but in a joking way, making fun of how we fumbled with each other in bed, what we liked sexually, our craziest experiences in bed, etc. But since she does know that I was sleeping with other women the first month we met, she sometimes says that it's all I want from her. On the other hand, I see her as emotionally unavailable/conflicted. So even if I did want to pursue a relationship with her, I'd want it to be as genuine as possible and not just on the rebound. That's why I want outside opinions on this, because I can't make sense of all this. Specifically, what she may be thinking and what the best course of action would be.
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