My quest of redemption

[neverbackdown]

Hi everyone,

 

I need someone to talk to cause i have nobody around me that can understand how i feel right now.

 

I've been with this girl for 7 months, she was a classmate at college.

Due to my lack of attention and the fact that i was being distant, she broke up with me at the beginning of June.To be true, she has always fought for our relationship, making project, saying that she was falling in love with me. I've always been the one taking it slow, i've never shown her my true feelings for her. I took her out to dinner from time to time, but the routine killed it. The breakup was my fault only, she said to me one day "you treat me more like a buddy than your girlfriend". I told her that i didnt know if i could change (i've always been quite cold with people, i'm trying very hard to change and evolve cause it gave me many pains and disappointments). I agreed with the break up, told her that it was the best solution, and we wanted to remain friend. She ended it after my exams (i have not been able to see her during 2 weeks before the breakup due tu my exams. The last time i saw her, end of may, she told me she was falling for me.).

I understood that i made a huge mistake when i didnt fight for the one that i loved and that i love. I really started to grow feelings for her, i convince myself that i could put them on the side, i was just fooling myslef.

 

I've always appeared like a rock on the outside, only because i'm very sensitive on the inside.

 

Unfortunately, 4 days after the breakup she was back with someone else, i think he was turning around her for a month. He posted little hearts on her facebook wall the very same week.

The week after, i wrote her a letter where i poured my heart out, admitting my wrongs and the way she made me feel. She texted me after reading this letter and said that she was confused, that it's all that she wanted to hear when we were together, that i could have kept her and that it hurts cause she discovered the real me too late... she also apolagized because she said she was moved when she saw the tears in my eyes. After this letter, i received a fb message "why??", i called her and i saw her the next day at her house. We both cried, but she said she made a decision and that the new guy was fullfilling the needs i didn't fullfill. I accepted, gave her a flower and left.

 

I went no contact for 2 week and a half, and last week she texted me "Hey, it's Caroline, how are you ? Congratulations for your graduation. When are you going on vacation? xoxo"

I answered her on monday.

I called her on Wednesday, that was a positive talk about our projects, how we were doing, i asked her if she wanted to take a cup of coffee, she hesitated but finally said she were free. I received a text 20 min later saying "won't it be awkward to see each other ?", i answered "it's only coffee ;)"

On thursday, she texted me about her new job, i answered her 2 hours after then she texted me the same min back. I said that i was busy, she texted me the same min asking me what i was doing. I didn't answered.

2 hours after she texted me "we could have seen each other today, i wasn't doing anything". Then little chat by text, where she says that i seem very busy duyring those vacation and that she's happy cause she knows we'll have some time to see each other, she asked me if i could show her my puppy that she saw on my fb page (i'm not friend with her anymore). I said sure.

On friday, i sent her "wooo (ghost voice) :)", she answered me back ":)". Then i asked her if monday was good for the coffee, she didnt answer me.

I waited until Sunday (yesterday) evening to call her to see when we'll catch up, she let the phone ring and didnt answered... i didn't leave a message. 2 min after i received a text "i'm at my boyfriend house, what do you wanna tell me ?", i answered "Oops sorry ! I'll call you back tomorrow ;)"

 

I didn't call her today, i didn't want her to be afraid. I am no threat to her relationship...

 

I'm pretty confused, i love her from the bottom of my heart. I'd love to get back with her, but if i can't i still wanna have her in my life as friends. If she's happy with the new man, i won't be a pain in the ass, i just want her to be happy, she deserves it. And she is the last person on earth i wanna hurt.

But i want to share and enjoy good times with her, i like being around her and always had !

 

Any help on what to do ? Why does her reaction changed so fast ? Being hot and cold with me, it hurts... her text from last night sounded like "you annoy me, leave me alone", i didnt wanna pressure her at all, i thought she understood that..

 

Thanks ! Take care everyone !!

[Nukem]

Listen,

if you want her back you should fight for her.

 

First become her friend without expectation.

Send her nice tracks via Facebook

You can send something like

but do not start with it. The lyric is a massage which she doesn't need now.

Send her jokes and nice pics.

 

The most important thing is to become her best friend gradually.

Her boyfriend will not tolerate her behaviour and that is your goal.

Make him jealous, jealousy will make him rude and aggressive. He will push her in your arms.

 

And pray to God. If your love is real He will help you.

 

I hope it is a rebound relationship and it won't last.

[neverbackdown]

Thanks for the answer !

I do want to fight to keep her in my life, even if she's only gonna be a friend.. of course now i want more, but since i don't see life in a "black and white" way.. i don't want to make a choice like : having her back or erasing her from my life !

 

How interpret her reaction towards me? Why does she wanna see me fast, then push me away like that ?

 

Should i give her some space before contacting her ? I really don't wanna pressure her at all.

[Nukem]

Some space sounds good. Give her week or two.

I'm not sure. There is no formula. It's a God's job

 

I'm divorced and trying to win my wife back.

[neverbackdown]

I hope you'll get your wife back !

 

So great, sometimes the entire universe like to slap you in the face. I just woke up this morning, put the TV on.. what's on TV ? "Goodbye my lover" by James Blunt..

[neverbackdown]

Here is an update !

I contacted her on wednesday, we chatted, it was positive and all. We made plans to see each other today, to catch up for a coffee.

But today, she texted she was still at work and she was tired so she wouldnt be be able to catch up.

I know it's a lie, that in fact she didn't wanna see me.. cause when you want to see someone, you see him right ?

I'm quite sure she is going to see her boyfriend.

I didn't respond, and i won't. I'm not mad, but i don't understand her.

 

I just don't know how to react, i just wanna share moments with her, i know i won't get her back soon, i just don't wanna loose the complicity we had. I'm just acting like a friend, i'm not putting pressure on her at all, i'm all friendly, i don't talk about deep things you know, i said to her that i don't wanna be a pain for her relationship !

 

Why does she react like that ? Last week she asked to see me, then i had to ask to see her, she accepted, then cancelled it. Why is she always changing her mind ?

What should i do ?

 

Thanks guys, take care !

[Snakechammah]

4 days after the break up and she already has a "boyfriend"?

 

Sounds pretty suspicious to me... she was probably dating him while still with you. Otherwise, when did she find the time to decide this dude is her next one?

 

I'd say move on. There are heaps of fishes in the sea. Get someone who will prioritize you and one you feel strongly about. Clearly you weren't into her while you were together... only after she got away, you're devoting time and attention to her... is it because you want what you have lost?

 

Find someone who stir your loins at the get go. If you are not attracted, don't pretend to be! Life goes on. Let her enjoy her time with the new dude and this will pave way for you to meet someone new.

[neverbackdown]

I totally get your point of view,

I had sex after the breakup with 2 other girls, i'm not putting my life on hold. I know there are other pretty intelligent girls in the world and i'm not just waiting my ex for a unpredictable return.

 

I know we stopped being a real couple at the end of may, during my exam period, we lost something. I know this guy has been around her for a while, and she must have made up her mind of the breaking up 2 weeks before the official BU. I can't blame her, i agreed with her on the breakup. I know she has self issues, afraid of being lonely and not being loved. I'm quite sure that she still has feelings for me.

 

That's not an ego thing, i'm not "trying to get back cause i lost it". Everyone made mistake, i did. That was my first real relationship, i guess i didnt have the right mindset, but i know i've always had strong feelings for her.

 

I may never get back with her, my mind is ready for this. But i wanna keep her in my life, i'll be happy to have her as a friend cause i value her as a person ! We have many things we share, we have the same career perspective and all (we both want to be cop)..

I'm not mad that she seems happy with the new guy... of course i'd prefer if it was me, but it's not and i accept the reality.

 

I just want advice to keep her in my life, to keep contact, you know. And how should i react to the situation i'm in today.

 

Thanks