LoveEachOther Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 i was wondering, do men really get anything out of it that he couldn't get from literally any other woman? i mean, we know that women date men better them (character wise and financially), and marriage locks her into a certain percentage of his income (for the divorce) should he be too dumb to get a prenup. is it the finish line for them? and please don't tell me "loving companion, stimulating conversation, blah, blah...". judging from that "paying for dates" thread, i'd say that all of that is clearly bought (or a lot of posters in LS are broke, cheap, and have the princess syndrome). is there really anything tangible in it for the man? it seems more like a business move - bad one at that.
ThaWholigan Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My mother got a divorce - it's definitely not a cash-in from my experience......
Silly_Girl Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My ex-boyfriend (cohabited) cashed right in on me. Went from in the red to £50k separation prize, and he didn't even hold down a job the whole time, plus he got a car, furniture, holidays for his kids, new wardrobe etc etc. And we weren't even married. Move to the UK and live with a woman who earns a decent wage. Maybe then you won't sound so bitter. You'll still sound ignorant, however. 1
fishtaco Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) My ex-boyfriend (cohabited) cashed right in on me. Went from in the red to £50k separation prize, and he didn't even hold down a job the whole time, plus he got a car, furniture, holidays for his kids, new wardrobe etc etc. And we weren't even married. Move to the UK and live with a woman who earns a decent wage. Maybe then you won't sound so bitter. You'll still sound ignorant, however. Happens in the US too. Extra bonus, even pre-nup contracts can be fought off by lawyers. Divorce can be used as a means of wealth redistribution. It benefits the person with less wealth, regardless of gender. And many people do use it as a tool for this exact same purpose. As gender equality grows, and women are more and more capable of amassing their own wealth, we will start to see gold-digging men more and more often. I don't believe all divorces end in money-grab. I have seen women walk away from a divorce asking for nothing except a disconnect from their husbands. However, you won't know until you are knee deep in divorce land. Plus those lawyers can be awfully skillful at convincing people to use their services. The real winners are the lawyers. I will not get married. Never have, and never will. It serves no purpose for me, but could put me in a very disadvantaged position. Edited July 16, 2012 by fishtaco
Enema Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I don't think the OP knows what a pre-nup actually does. I have been married before. I would get married again, but my situation is different in that I will not have children, would not do joint bank accounts and I would not commit to someone that didn't have their own career. ie. Never marry someone dependent on you. If those conditions are satisfied, marriage is safe as there's no alimony awarded and you just split whatever assets you jointly acquired.
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I always find it strange that some people assume that marriage is divorce is a win for most women. It isn't. For some yes...I agree. The majority of the people who marry and divorce do not have mountains of assets. The country, state, income(potential) and number of years married all factor into support after divorce. If one is so fearful they will be screwed over by marrying, there is very simple solution...don't get married. Do the freaky without tying the knot. 1
2sure Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 My ex H and I had a prenup and a postnup. I cashed in.
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I always find it strange that some people assume that marriage is divorce is a win for most women. It isn't. For some yes...I agree. The majority of the people who marry and divorce do not have mountains of assets. The country, state, income(potential) and number of years married all factor into support after divorce. If one is so fearful they will be screwed over by marrying, there is very simple solution...don't get married. Do the freaky without tying the knot. That should have said "or". It was too late to edit.
Silly_Girl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 That should have said "or". It was too late to edit. Freudian?
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 If my marriage is a "Cash-in" for anybody, it's my husband. Are you very wealthy? If you are fearful that women only want to marry you to get their hands on your enormous pile of wealth, I hope you have a good lawyer and a solid prenup before you get married. Or, better yet, don't get married. Since evidently your filthy lucre is all you have to offer, but you don't want to share it. Right? 2
Got it Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Another thing that is a case by case basis. I don't agree with the sweeping generalization about women and about assessment of wealth in the marriage. My first marriage we walked away about even on salary, no children, no alimony, one shared house. So an even split of pretty much nothing. I am walking into this marriage MUCH wealthier than my partner, far less debt, more assets, etc. I do think it is foolish for one not to acknowledge the financial aspect of a marriage and its counterpart, divorce. I agree with a prenup and think it is a smart decision to hammer it out in the beginning when everyone stills like each other. Actually studies have shown that men are "happier" in a marriage than single, even if the marriage is an unhappier one. They also have less physical issues, illnesses, etc. when married. Women, in study, were found to be "happier" in a happier marriage but also happier single. So, actually, marriage seems to benefit men more than women. Women also also the primary caregivers of any dependents both in the marriage and in the divorce, so the wealth share does end up going to the care of the offspring. I think if you look at the wealth of the two parties after the children are of age, you will find that the divorced men, statistically are able to recoup their losses from the marriage and increase their wealth at a much greater rate than the divorced woman. 1
MissBee Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) An excerpt from an article published in July 2010 by Harvard Medical school on marriage and men's health. It would seem that marriage is quite beneficial to men in a myriad of ways. Men live longer when married. So if that's not a big pay off for them, I don't know what is lol. Marriage and Men's Health - Harvard Health Publications A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood. Men who have marital partners also live longer than men without spouses; men who marry after age 25 get more protection than those who tie the knot at a younger age, and the longer a man stays married, the greater his survival advantage over his unmarried peers. But is marriage itself responsible for better health and longer life? Although it's hard to be sure, marriage seems to deserve at least part of the credit. Some have argued that self-selection would skew the results if healthy men are more likely to marry than men with health problems. But research shows the reverse is true: unhealthy men actually marry earlier, are less likely to divorce, and are more likely to remarry following divorce or bereavement than healthy men. Another potential factor is loneliness; is the institution of marriage linked to better health, or is it simply a question of living with another person? Although studies vary, the answer seems to be a little of both. People living with unmarried partners tend to fare better than those living alone, but men living with their wives have the best health of all. Numerous studies conducted over the past 150 years suggest that marriage is good for health. More recently, scientists have begun to understand why married men enjoy better health than their single, divorced, and widowed peers. But before we turn to the why, let's look at how marriage affects specific diseases, including America's leading killers, cardiovascular disease and cancer. The rest of the article goes into several sub-areas and explains just how being married benefits men in these areas. In this day and age, and also I'm sure it depends on your circle, it is less likely that marriage is some big cash-in for most women. Even thinking of those who I know, from my parents' age downward, the married couples generally have similar careers or similar income. Even if one is making more, it is not a huge amount more. So it does not seem as though marrying is some huge pay-day for the woman . I am sure for some women it is, but generally, the people I know and hear about who marry, are not marrying some wealthy man. Most people I know meet their spouse in college, grad school, at work etc, so that increases the chances of them being from similar socio-economic backgrounds, versus the man providing some Cinderella story for the woman. More people I know seem to be on an even playing field with their spouse financially. Edited July 17, 2012 by MissBee 1
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