Does my little rugrat even care?

[steve38]

Stay at home dad (wife works days, I work nights) and I'm very attached to my 5 month old daughter. We recently had a big falling out and wife went to stay with her parents, baby in tow. I am headed over tomorrow to visit baby and talk to the in-laws (wife will be working). Marriage is basically over as we already had ONE break like this, so I'm done with wife. But what is the best way to handle baby, or does she(the baby) even care. Hence the title.

 

edit....I will be seeing her twice a week for just a few hours.

Edited July 16, 2012 by steve38

[andyg99]

Stay at home dad (wife works days, I work nights) and I'm very attached to my 5 month old daughter. We recently had a big falling out and wife went to stay with her parents, baby in tow. I am headed over tomorrow to visit baby and talk to the in-laws (wife will be working). Marriage is basically over as we already had ONE break like this, so I'm done with wife. But what is the best way to handle baby, or does she(the baby) even care. Hence the title.

 

edit....I will be seeing her twice a week for just a few hours.

 

why so little time? establish a custody agreement NOW. Make sure you see her more than "a few hours". Get her on weekends. You're her dad, she needs YOU! Step up and make it happen!

[Gunny376]

Well at five months old? She's probally more interested in such things as getting her bottle, and having her diaper changed. But even at that age? Of course she cares!

 

A baby almost anything (especially mamanals) need the attention of their mothers at the very least for a prolonged and extended period of time. Human beings need much, much more than that.

 

Infants during WWII who were "depositied" in highly sanitary, sterle nurserys in the United States (Shipped over from England during the London Blitz) were dying. While orphaned infants in less than sanitary conditions in Mexico were thriving.

 

The difference? The infants in the US were being bottled fed with the bottle being propped up with a pillow. While the orphaned infants in Mexico were being held by nursing attendants, spoken to, cooooooed at, had "baby talk" spoken to.

 

As you know even a five year old cries, smiles, giggles, etc.

 

Of course your child needs her Daddy. Absent fathers are the single greatest determining factor in substance abuse (alcohol and drugs) teen age age (especially teenage girls), early juvinelle deliquencey, trouble with the law, etc.

 

Once you've become a Father ~ a parent ~ it means putting them ahead of your wants, your needs, your priorties. If that puts a damper on your social life? Of well?

 

Becoming a father ~ a PARENT ~ DOENS'T BEGIN AND END AT CONCEPTION ~ AND ITS A LONG TERM INVESTMENT OF YOUR TIME, EFFORT, ENERGY AND MONEY! And we're talking years upon years, upon years.

 

The only thing IMHO that's worse than a Deadbeat Dad (or Mom) is an absentee Dad or Mom.

 

I would recommend you read "Second Chances" a book born out of a long term study of divorce effects on children. (Yes even at your daughters age) in which they found that divorce affects children into their twenties, thrities, and forties, and has a dramatic effect on their relationship or the thier ability to form and maintain relationship with others.

 

Wheather you realize it or not ~ you as her Father ~ have an significant role in the short, mid-term, and long-term development as to how this child grows and develops. Don't become Bob, Ted, Bill to your own daughter and have her call some other man "Daddy" ~ and that will happen unless you make the decision and committment (Lifelong) that your going to "man-up" and be a father to her.

 

The femi-nazi movement, media, popular press would have us and you believe that the Father's role in the development and life of a child ~ especially daughters ~ is small, petty and insignificant.

 

Fortunately they don't get to make that choice ~ you do! You make that choice here and now.

 

If seeing to the physical, emotional, metnal, material, financial needs of your daughter ~ chldren means you have to put your personal life ~ social life ~ sex life ~ wants ~ needs on hold? If it means that in order to provide for her ~ YOU'VE GOT TO SLEEP IN A HOLLOW LOG, EAT ROAD KILL, AND DRINK MUDDY WATER? So be it!

 

Now that's on the extreme of one end? But you do need to give a lot of thought to her and her wants and needs. And in and as with all things you need to find a balance ~ but in so doing I would suggest that in making those decisions ~ you automatically "default" to the side of your daughter.

 

That's not to say you should completely put your life on hold, nor to live your life for nor through your daughter. But anyone you get with needs to know and understand from the "get-go"

[pteromom]

Stay at home dad (wife works days, I work nights) and I'm very attached to my 5 month old daughter. We recently had a big falling out and wife went to stay with her parents, baby in tow. I am headed over tomorrow to visit baby and talk to the in-laws (wife will be working). Marriage is basically over as we already had ONE break like this, so I'm done with wife. But what is the best way to handle baby, or does she(the baby) even care. Hence the title.

 

edit....I will be seeing her twice a week for just a few hours.

 

Yes. At 5 months, she still hasn't mastered object consistency. Which means, when you aren't there, you don't exist. It is CRITICAL that you take every opportunity to see her, so that your relationship with her grows and flourishes. It may seem pointless to you now, since she can't do much and doesn't seem to care when you come or go.

 

BUT - now is the time to start traditions. Find a song that you sing to her that will be YOUR song. Read books to her that will be YOUR books. Play games with her that will be your games.

 

Everything you do now is an investment. By the time she is one or so, she'll be so excited to see you. And it will just grow from there.