rockahoney Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I've been dating this guy for about five months now, we met at college. When we were still in school we saw each other almost everyday, since we were within walking distance. I graduated and we both went home for the summer, we live about an hour and a half away from one another. Before the summer began he told me his schedule is usually crazy, with his 7am-4pm full time job and the two sports teams he's on. I've seen him probably five or six times since the summer started because he's always so busy. I really appreciate that he has responsibilities that he truly sticks to and understand he has other obligations, but lately I feel like he has no room for me. I know we haven't been together that long, and we text each other everyday (he doesn't really like talking on the phone, I notice that with lots of people these days who just texttexttext). I just feel sort of like he wouldn't care if he didn't see me for a month or more, but also he gives me little clues he genuinely cares. I had a grad party last weekend (the last time I saw him) and he gave me a bracelet and a nice card saying that he was bummed out I wouldn't be at school anymore but he hopes I come visit. He also bought us both tickets to go see one of our favorite bands a few months away from now. I thought this was a maybe good sign since he hardly ever plans anything more than two days in advance (another problem, whenever I make try and make plans in advance with him its always "we'll see" or "I don't know yet). He's also extremely forgetful, we have tentative plans to see one another a few days ago and he forgot he was supposed to go on a weekend trip with his family. I don't think he's seeing someone else as we've had conversations about cheating and hes quite simply said 'that is one of the worst things you can do to anyone.' I can't tell if he doesn't care about seeing me or if hes just a typical forgetful guy and doesn't wanna actually tell me how he feels. I know I'm not the only person not getting any time either, as I've seen his friends more often than he has this whole summer. Things may get better when he goes back to school (shorter drive for me), but as for right now I'm feeling a little neglected. I know I also have abandonment/trust issues after getting abruptly dumped by my ex. I'm constantly paranoid something is wrong, that I'm being too needy, and that he's going to leave me suddenly just the same. What can I do?
FitChick Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you're not working why can't you drive to see him?
Author rockahoney Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) I am working part time, and he's usually exhausted after work or has baseball practice/games til the evening. I just asked him if we could try and see each other at some point this week since he's going on travel for work for a week and he said yes and we'll try and figure something out. We agreed to find time last week but he ended up being busy almost every night. Edited July 16, 2012 by rockahoney
skyisfalling Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Look at a guys actions, not his words. A guy can literally tell you ANYTHING, "I would never cheat on you.." "i care about you too much to hurt you.." what else do you expect him to say "i will cheat on you"?! If this guy is not putting forth the effort to see you and make this relationship a priority that is telling in itself. He is either not interested or he has someone else he's investing his time to.. open your eyes and close your ears. 1
KatZee Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Look at a guys actions, not his words. A guy can literally tell you ANYTHING, "I would never cheat on you.." "i care about you too much to hurt you.." what else do you expect him to say "i will cheat on you"?! If this guy is not putting forth the effort to see you and make this relationship a priority that is telling in itself. He is either not interested or he has someone else he's investing his time to.. open your eyes and close your ears. I really have to back this up FULLY. If a guy is into you... he's GOING to make time for you. 5-6 visits over the course of the summer so far is frankly pathetic. I have to tell you my personal story. Was with my ex for almost three years. Once we were coming to the end of the relationship I noticed that he NEVER had time for me. Was always working. Or doing this, or doing that. He even told me on a couple of occasions that he didn't have time for me anymore, but in the next breath was saying he loved me so much. I saw us ending, and then one day he bought tickets for us for something. So like you, I got excited. Like, "Oh! He's putting some effort in, he really does want it to work." Well about 2-3 weeks after that, he ended it officially. He had been distant, never had time for me, wasn't calling me, was blowing off doing things with me. And then it was over. I went back in my head thinking, "But he said this! And he said that!" It doesn't matter WHAT HE'S SAYING. His actions are what's going to speak the loudest. Also, my ex also pulled the, "I'd never cheat, I've been cheated on before and it's the worst feeling ever..." And guess what? He cheated on me. I'm not saying yours has, or will... but just don't put too much faith in words. words are just that. Words. They mean nothing unless they're backed up with action, and his actions are saying, "I'm just not that into you."
Author rockahoney Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I made plans with him today to see him at the end of the week and before he goes away for travel for work. I posted here to get some objective opinions and I appreciate what you guys have to say. I know his actions need to support what he says. I'm not quite ready to give up on anything yet, especially as he hasn't even done anything that would lead me to be suspicious. I'll try and talk to him about how I'm feeling.
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