Kathyy28 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My parents and I have a really great relationship. They helped me out a lot through out my first break up, and right now they are helping out too. The difference about this break up and my last was that in the last one they told me to not call or contact my ex... that he broke up with me... and if he truly wanted or loved me then he would of had fought for our relationship. With this break up it's a little different. They told me to wait a week or so to see if my ex hits me up (I broke up with him last Wednesday)... but if he doesn't then I should hit him up and try to work things out. They advice me to call him tomorrow after he gets out of class to see how his exam went and probably just bring up the topic right after. His last final is this Thurs so I was considering calling him on Thursday after class. What do you guys think?
SeventhFloor Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Why do you want to call him? You broke up with him. Was it good, or bad, etc? Are you calling him to "friendzone" him so you feel less guilty about being the dumper? I mean, essentially, what was the breakup like between you two? Because if he's hurting, then just let him get over you by not calling. Wow, you broke up with him the week before finals...ouch, that's cold.
Samilia Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Depends.. have you fixed the issues that made you break up with him? Or are you going to be back to square one?
Author Kathyy28 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 No, not to friend zone him. I honestly don't believe on remaining friends right after a break up. I think it's cruel to lead the other person on. I broke up with him because the past two weeks I caught him in a few lies and the final strike was when I felt disrespected by him when he yelled at me in his house and punched the floor to create a scene since his mom was there. I know that I broke up with him in a moment of anger, embarrassment and shock... I just wish I didn't give up on the relationship so quickly. I realized that the times he lied to me is when it comes to two of his female friends. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but he lies to me about spending time with them and talking to them just to avoid an argument. I explained more about this break up last week. If you want you could check it out to get more on an insight of it. http://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/335548-i-broke-up-him-wed-should-i-try-reconciling-him
Author Kathyy28 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Depends.. have you fixed the issues that made you break up with him? Or are you going to be back to square one? I figured out what I need to improve about myself to make sure this relationship moves forward. I know that I need a lot more patience and not give up so quickly. To be honest with you, my parents have been married for 30 years. I've NEVER seen them argue nor fight. They play argue about simple things like the remote control, or who was chasing who when they were dating but nothing big. I see the way my dad looks, treats and loves my mom and vice-versa. I think I was so caught up of trying to find someone that I could have the exact same type of relationship with like my parents... but my parents sat down with me and made me realize that it took them a while to get to where they are at right now. My dad wasn't always this perfect man that my big sis and I see him to be... My dad became the man he is because of my mom, and her patience, trust and love for him. I had such an realistic expectation on how my partner should be, that I kinda lost track on how great I should be as well.
morichu Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I think there's a chance you could actually salvage it if you really want too. Whether you do or don't, one tip for the future is don't ever break up over a heat of the moment argument (unless you guys fight daily). You need to be mature enough to step back and realize, as humans, we all have our good and bad days. The one issue I have though is the lying. If you don't think he's cheating but lying just to avoid conflict you really need to sit him down and explain to him how important honesty is in a relationship. Whenever I have a gf, I'll let them go wherever and hangout with whomever (within reason) just as long as they're honest about it. If not, it looks like they have something to hide.
Crila16 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm confused. You broke up with him, but you want to call him? Why? Are you trying to play with his head and his emotions? Honestly, leave him alone and let him mourn and move on. Don't be cruel. If you realized you made a mistake, what are you waiting for? Call him today. THe more time the passes, the more unreparable the damage.
Author Kathyy28 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 I think there's a chance you could actually salvage it if you really want too. Whether you do or don't, one tip for the future is don't ever break up over a heat of the moment argument (unless you guys fight daily). You need to be mature enough to step back and realize, as humans, we all have our good and bad days. The one issue I have though is the lying. If you don't think he's cheating but lying just to avoid conflict you really need to sit him down and explain to him how important honesty is in a relationship. Whenever I have a gf, I'll let them go wherever and hangout with whomever (within reason) just as long as they're honest about it. If not, it looks like they have something to hide. Thank you Morichu. I definitely agree with you and I am taking your advice to heart. It was really immature of me. We were bickering a lot the past 2 weeks and honestly it was about really small insignificant things. I realized that my patience level and mood changed a lot when I got the implanon inserted (birth control). I have a feeling that that has a lot to do with it... I'm considering of taking it out if it continues like this. I am going to try and talk things out with him. As long as he is willing to meet me halfway on improving ourselves ( him with being more honest, and me for being more patient) then we could make this work. Thank you again for the advice and input.
Author Kathyy28 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 I'm confused. You broke up with him, but you want to call him? Why? Are you trying to play with his head and his emotions? Honestly, leave him alone and let him mourn and move on. Don't be cruel. If you realized you made a mistake, what are you waiting for? Call him today. THe more time the passes, the more unreparable the damage. Hi Crila, Thank you for your input. I'm not sure if you read the whole thing. I understand most of us who are here is because we were the dumpee and we usually see the dumper as the evil person. I don't think I was being cruel, I think I was being very immature on how I handled the situation. Neither him and I are perfect, but I am willing to work on my imperfections and hopefully so would he. I do want to thank you for your last words "Call him today. THe more time the passes, the more unreparable the damage." I think you're correct on that. I'm just scared to interrupt him when he is reviewing for his exam. Although it's a multiple choice exam and he usually does very well I don't want him to not be able to study cause he is replaying our convo in his mind. Do you still think it will be a good idea to call him though?
Author Kathyy28 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 I'm confused. You broke up with him, but you want to call him? Why? Are you trying to play with his head and his emotions? Honestly, leave him alone and let him mourn and move on. Don't be cruel. If you realized you made a mistake, what are you waiting for? Call him today. THe more time the passes, the more unreparable the damage. Hey Crila, So I took your advice and decided to just call him today. Well I actually FaceTimed him so we spoke through video chat. The convo went very well. He apologized for what lead to the break up, and I apologize for giving up so easily with the relationship. We promised to work out on our communication and trust. A week ago I went to my uncle's wedding, and one thing that the Justice of Peace said to him and his husband was that just because you love each other, it doesn't always mean you both have to like each other. Me and him love each other, but that past few weeks we didn't like each other much. But our love is strong enough to want us both to better each other and work hard to make things work between us. Thanks everyone for the advice. I will always remember them. I will now think twice before ever wanting to break up with him, and he will now think twice before ever lying or yelling at me again.
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