Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) I slept with a girl this weekend (2nd date). I get the feeling she really is into me. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship now though. Would it be presumptuous/insulting of me to be proactive in bringing up where I am at? I didn't plan on sleeping with her Saturday night but I let my emotions/attraction get the best of me and I went for it. Edited July 16, 2012 by Imajerk17
utterer of lies Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I slept with a girl this weekend (2nd date). I get the feeling she really is into me. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship now though. This post is titled 'I'm a jerk' so I would say you are sure how you feel about a relationship - you don't want one. Would it be presumptuous/insulting of me to be proactive in bringing up where I am at? It would be stupid. Just see what happens. Don't start with the topic unless asked, and don't promise things you don't want to keep, and you're fine.
dasein Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Not presumptuous or insulting, but why bring it up? She had sex with you when she did, is a big girl, and if her expectations include a relationship whenever she has sex, it's on -her- to bring it up in this day and age, not you. 1
KathyM Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you aren't looking for a serious relationship right now, you should have told her that BEFORE you slept with her and got her hopes up. Now she'll think you are seriously interested in her, and if you dump her now, she'll feel used and played. I think you should tell her that you don't want to lead her on, and that you feel you may have moved too quickly into a physical relationship, and that you are not thinking of getting into a serious relationship right now. And then she can decide if she wants the same thing you want (casual) or if she needs to let you go. But be honest with her at this point. You should have been honest about this before you slept with her, but at least have this discussion now at this point before she's invested too much of her time and emotions into something that isn't going to materialize.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you aren't looking for a serious relationship right now, you should have told her that BEFORE you slept with her and got her hopes up. Now she'll think you are seriously interested in her, and if you dump her now, she'll feel used and played. I think you should tell her that you don't want to lead her on, and that you feel you may have moved too quickly into a physical relationship, and that you are not thinking of getting into a serious relationship right now. And then she can decide if she wants the same thing you want (casual) or if she needs to let you go. But be honest with her at this point. You should have been honest about this before you slept with her, but at least have this discussion now at this point before she's invested too much of her time and emotions into something that isn't going to materialize. Question, why is this all his fault (how i'm reading your post)?
KathyM Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Question, why is this all his fault (how i'm reading your post)? It's not all his fault. No one forced her to have sex. It just seems like, from his post, that she is thinking this is going to be a serious relationship, with potential for a real relationship, and she might have made a different choice if she knew the OP was not looking for anything serious. It's always a good idea to let a person know what you're looking for in a relationship before you make it intimate, so no one gets hurt or feels misled or used. The OP said the girl appears to be falling for him (or something to that effect), and if he has no intentions of getting into a relationship right now, it would be kind of him not to string her along under false pretenses. So I would suggest he let her know at this point what his intentions are (casual or whatever) before she gets hurt and invests too much time and emotions into him if he has no intention of getting into a relationship.
dasein Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Question, why is this all his fault (how i'm reading your post)? Because apparently adult women are like little children incapable of clearly stating their desires for a relationship before deciding to have sex with someone. Alternatively they are like princesses whose desires should be always anticipated and catered to by their lessers (men). I prefer to think of women as rational adults, who in a social climate where people have sex for reasons not related to a longterm relationship millions of times a day, are well capable of expressing their expectations and -modifying- their sexual behavior until they are reasonably sure the person they are with is on the same page. OP has done -nothing- at all wrong. 1
curlygirl40 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Oooooh, very interesting debate topic. I can see both sides, but at the end of the day, it's up to each person to protect themselves. I think the onus is on the girl in this scenario. If what she wants is a relationship, you can't sleep your way into it without having that conversation. She put herself in a bad position, and the OP allowed it to happen even knowing how he felt, and knowing that her emotions might be involved. It happens all the time, and it won't be the last time if she doesn't stop having sex so early with expectations on how things are going to go. I know I'm contradicting somewhat but I do think when it's obvious that the person that you are with is more attached/involved than you are, you have somewhat of a duty to not be careless with their emotions. Yikes. At this point, all you can do is be honest before she reads too much into the intimate moment and assumes it's something that it's not. Best of luck. I'm getting my popcorn and soda to see where this thread goes.
curlygirl40 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I slept with a girl this weekend (2nd date). I get the feeling she really is into me. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship now though. Would it be presumptuous/insulting of me to be proactive in bringing up where I am at? I didn't plan on sleeping with her Saturday night but I let my emotions/attraction get the best of me and I went for it. I'm curious. Are you not looking for a relationship in general right now, or just not looking for a relationship with HER? Were you interested in a relationship on the first date and now something has changed your mind about being in a relationship with her? And if so what was it? No sexual chemistry? Have you changed your mind because she slept with you too soon? I think this is important. If you are looking for a relationship, and thought you might like to pursue a relationship with her, then you slept together and now you feel differently, that's a whole nother story I think.
seachangeoflove Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) I slept with a girl this weekend (2nd date). I get the feeling she really is into me. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship now though. Would it be presumptuous/insulting of me to be proactive in bringing up where I am at? I didn't plan on sleeping with her Saturday night but I let my emotions/attraction get the best of me and I went for it. just curious, do you not want a realtionship with her because she put out on the second date? Why were you dating her in the first place then? Just curious here. I don't think you did anything wrong. You said you didn't plan it, it just happened. So I wouldn't say anything to her, just keep doing what you'd do anyway and see where things go. I've casually dated lots of guys and had sex with them and had them (wrongly) assume I was their girlfriend in the morning. I had a guy get angry with me when I wouldn't take my profile down off the OLD site we met on. He was furious, that I didn't want exclusivity with him yet slept with him anyway as that's not how most girls work. He didn't respond kindly to being told he was Mr Right Now..... I know Im the exception to the norm, but you never know.... p.s. when I get called a slut I just smile and wink. Aint my fault people are jealous Im gettin' laid Edited July 16, 2012 by seachangeoflove 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Thanks everyone for the responses. Well, to clarify, I don't really know her yet. There is a lot of good things in her which is why I was into her enough to sleep with her. But there are a few "really-would-like-to-haves" of mine that she doesn't have. Of course, she has a lot of great qualities too. At the same time, I seem to be meeting a lot of women. So we'll see. Edited July 16, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Crila16 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You're a guy...she's a girl...I'm assuming you two are adults. It's not all your fault, she gets half the blame. The reason you're turned off by her is because she slept with you too soon and you weren't emotionally attached to her yet. Now she slept with you and is emotionally attached. That's the problem with sleeping with someone too soon...but people have a hard time controling themselves...and a lot of "what could have been" a great relationship is ruined.
fishtaco Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You're a guy...she's a girl...I'm assuming you two are adults. It's not all your fault, she gets half the blame. The reason you're turned off by her is because she slept with you too soon and you weren't emotionally attached to her yet. Now she slept with you and is emotionally attached. That's the problem with sleeping with someone too soon...but people have a hard time controling themselves...and a lot of "what could have been" a great relationship is ruined. Agree with your post except one point... Sure, some men may get turned off when a woman sleep with him too soon, but as a man, I have no respect for those guys. Like you said, both parties are 50% responsible. I say most of the time, I may be wrong because I don't date men, so I should say I would like to believe, that most men are not like that. They enjoy casual sex, but it won't make them want to or not want to proceed to a relationship. That's determined by a bunch of other factors. I go for sex, but gee, what a surprise, a guy that likes sex with women he finds attractive. However, just because I had sex with a girl it doesn't mean I want to date her. Just because I had sex with a girl it doesn't mean I don't want to date her. But I can guarantee you, if I don't want to have sex with her, I won't date her. That's the only guarantee. Men don't change their minds nearly as often as women, but it can and does happen. To the OP, I don't think it's a big deal. If she wants an exclusive relationship, she'll bring it up, then you have to decide. Until then, carry on.
carhill Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Would it be presumptuous/insulting of me to be proactive in bringing up where I am at? As you appear to be successful with women and have a relatively easy time getting dates, I see no downside to being emotionally honest here. I'm generally in favor of such transparency, but do recognize the downsides of it for those for whom intimacy is something like a spring in the desert. Speak your mind and heart and let the chips fall where they may. If this one falls away, then the next one is the focus.
seachangeoflove Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You're a guy...she's a girl...I'm assuming you two are adults. It's not all your fault, she gets half the blame. The reason you're turned off by her is because she slept with you too soon and you weren't emotionally attached to her yet. Now she slept with you and is emotionally attached. That's the problem with sleeping with someone too soon...but people have a hard time controling themselves...and a lot of "what could have been" a great relationship is ruined. assigning 'blame' and tossing around "it's not all your fault" implies sex is bad. Why?!??! It's possible to have sex without negative connotations. I'm glad that i can control my emotions and have sex with someone and not become attatched to them if I don't want to.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 Update: We talked the other night. We both want to keep this casual. Is it a scent I am giving off? I seem to be meeting a lot of women lately. No wonder why I'm in no rush to commit to anyone yet.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 (edited) Hey do you all think she was using ME for sex? Maybe she was just pretending to be into me to get into my pants... Edited July 25, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
xxoo Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 Hey do you all think she was using ME for sex? Maybe she was just pretending to be into me to get into my pants... Or maybe the sex changed her mind 1
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