Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[will1988]

What if a guy puts on his profile that he [prefers drama queens? Would that look good on a profile?

 

It's an interesting idea. Along with the "married men" issue...

 

true... call me empathetic or uncaring, but god i hate drama and try to avoid it like the plauge.

[Mascara]

Youre missing the point. When a guy says that, he's basically saying that it might be him making the women crazy. At least that's how it comes across. When women see that, we don't think "wow, he's been so unlucky with women". We think he might be a jerk.

[will1988]

Youre missing the point. When a guy says that, he's basically saying that it might be him making the women crazy. At least that's how it comes across. When women see that, we don't think "wow, he's been so unlucky with women". We think he might be a jerk.

 

true... I think it is also an un-writen rule that the vast majority of people do not like drama... so you are right, emphasizing that fact means that this guy has baggage and it may or may not be because of his own actions (or inactions) backfiring and causing the drama he so despises.

[fortyninethousand322]

Youre missing the point. When a guy says that, he's basically saying that it might be him making the women crazy. At least that's how it comes across. When women see that, we don't think "wow, he's been so unlucky with women". We think he might be a jerk.

 

Right, but if I were to put on my profile "I prefer drama queens", would that look better?

 

Just a question. I don't use my OLD profile that much these days so I'm thinking it might be fun to experiment. Might also change my relationship status to "married" to see what kind of responses I get.

[sillyanswer]

Right, but if I were to put on my profile "I prefer drama queens", would that look better?

 

The bright ones will assume that you're being sarcastic. Or at least hope that you are. Not many of the actual drama queens recognise the trait in themselves, so I doubt it will help in that way.

[fortyninethousand322]

The bright ones will assume that you're being sarcastic. Or at least hope that you are. Not many of the actual drama queens recognise the trait in themselves, so I doubt it will help in that way.

 

So I see no downside to doing this. It might even seem endearing.

[Mascara]

I just think it's pointless putting any negatives in a profile. Who on earth sits there and thinks "wow, he seems really nice, think I'll send him a message.... oh no wait, I'm a total drama queen and I love dating jerks also I'm a bit of a game player. He said he doesn't want those things so I'd better leave it"

[will1988]

I just think it's pointless putting any negatives in a profile. Who on earth sits there and thinks "wow, he seems really nice, think I'll send him a message.... oh no wait, I'm a total drama queen and I love dating jerks also I'm a bit of a game player. He said he doesn't want those things so I'd better leave it"

 

^^^ TRUE.

 

Why do people put negatives on their profile? even saying "I don't like..." or "I don't want..." that makes you come across as shallow or too picky... insteady you should be highlighting your atributes.

[fortyninethousand322]

I just think it's pointless putting any negatives in a profile. Who on earth sits there and thinks "wow, he seems really nice, think I'll send him a message.... oh no wait, I'm a total drama queen and I love dating jerks also I'm a bit of a game player. He said he doesn't want those things so I'd better leave it"

 

Well, I honestly don't see how some of these guys have the luxury of stating who they'd prefer not to date. Especially online. A guy has to take what he can get using that medium.

 

Standards or pickiness = good luck getting dates.

[Mascara]

But I've heard women like jerks over nice guys. Is that true?

 

Absolutely. Only jerks have had sex ever.

[MrTurk]

I've noticed something on dating sites that has to do with the pics posted.

 

I see tons and tons of women that post self pics.

 

But then on the contrary....I hear tons and tons of women complain that they hate when guys post self pics.....that they want to see guys out having fun, socially....doing things with friends, enjoying their hobbies.

 

I know if any of the women on here read this they will not agree with it....but being very analytical, and maybe having some OCD tendacies ....I usually see things/patterns/contradictions that most dont.

 

Its the same as when women complain about how bad the emails are when guys ask them out on a dating site.....but at the same time, those women rarely if ever send out an email to a guy.

[fortyninethousand322]

I just want to put this out there, if you're having any doubts about trying a dating site, just don't try it. There are very few things that are more annoying than taking 10 minutes to write up a witty first message and then not but 5 minutes later having the person close their account (and this was a new user too). Oh well...

[TB Rhine]

They didn't close their account, they just blocked you. (And believe me, you're preaching to the choir with that one).

 

I see tons and tons of women that post self pics.

 

But then on the contrary....I hear tons and tons of women complain that they hate when guys post self pics.....that they want to see guys out having fun, socially....doing things with friends, enjoying their hobbies.

 

Women like action poses on men; seriously, look at women's magazines. It's not just a ripped guy with his shirt off, it's a ripped guy arming sweat off his brow, with a sledgehammer leaning against the piece of heavy machinery situated next to him.

 

Men's magazines, on the other hand, feature women in very impractical clothes (if any at all), sitting there looking pretty, with a come-hither look in their eyes.

[Minnie09]

So if you're not completely smitten during the e-mail-text-message exchange and phone calls, do you even bother to go on a date with an online dating site acquaintance? Somebody asked me out, he's halfway acceptable, not ugly (except for something i noticed in a pic, I'm not sure what it is in the picture....either toe nail fungus or just a shade??.....it does worry me a bit). The conversations flow well, but some of his opinions aren't my opinions at all, and I find his sense of humor a little bit flat=boring=kind of sitcom. Blah. Education-wise he's below my standards (please don't hate me now......i just want to be honest in order to receive honest advice).

 

Other than that, I could imagine a 2-3 hour date that's not a complete waste of time. I can't say I'm attracted though. Certain things are missing and I'm not dying to meet him in person. That would be my first date with a stranger. He asked me out. Would you go? Or should there be more genuine interest on my part? Also, it happened once that he sent me a text "by mistake".....I don't believe that for one second. I think he was fishing/trying to manipulate. Red flag. And he told me about his lady friend one time. Red flag. But doesn't bother me as much as all the other stuff above. Since I'm looking for diversion rather than a partner. I just don't want to be bored or waste my time. I know I know.......

[Phantom888]

So if you're not completely smitten during the e-mail-text-message exchange and phone calls, do you even bother to go on a date with an online dating site acquaintance?

Certain things are missing and I'm not dying to meet him in person. That would be my first date with a stranger. He asked me out. Would you go?

 

If you are not completely interested at this point, don't even bother meeting. I mean, the first impression on his personality is already in question.

[JourneyLady]

I know I made the mistake of setting up a date to talk to someone a few months back and then having an (unexpected) conversation with my ex-bf ahead of that... I was quite distraught and upset before I arrived. I thought about calling it off, but felt that would be rude. Though the conversation went well, I'm sure he sensed I wasn't ready to be looking at the time. I don't blame him for that, but... he never even emailed and thanked me for the invite and no message of "thanks but no thanks". I would have at least have appreciated that.

 

By contrast, I'm supposed to meet someone on Saturday that I have been conversing with on FB and elsewhere for several months now. He's quite entertaining and has a lot of friends. I'm sure we'll be friends at least, and that's important to me. Well, that is to say we already have been friends from a distance.

 

The only drawback really is that it's an forty minute drive from me and he doesn't drive. So unless and until I move, I don't think it will go anywhere. I'm seriously thinking of volunteering somewhere in my local area until I can get a job here anyway...

 

But I sure get a lot of "hey pretty lady, how are you's?"... I'm sort of getting bored with that. Sorry guys, but I have an extensive profile and you don't ask me about anything I've written... If I write, I try to ask about your dog in the photo, how you like your neighborhood, something interesting out of your profile. :-)

[FitChick]

By contrast, I'm supposed to meet someone on Saturday that I have been

The only drawback really is that it's an forty minute drive from me and he doesn't drive.

 

Why doesn't he drive? Too poor to own a car? Lost his license due to drinking or reckless driving? If he lives in a city and never learned to drive that is entirely different. In that case, he should be used to taking public transportation and could come to you on alternate weekends. You'd still be his chauffeur when you were out and about locally.That wouldn't bother me, especially since I don't drink and most guys do so I am always the designatred driver anyway.

[Robster613]

I am a 27 year old guy, who has not had much luck with dating in general. Recently, I have started to feel that want to try to find someone who maybe I can settle down with in the next few years. I decided to pick a couple of the free sites, put up a profile, and message some women. I feel like no matter how many girls I email, I get nothing. I never considered myself ugly, I'm not amazingly attractive, but not ugly. I am pretty well educated, fun to be around, etc. Is there any secret to this?

[Philosoraptor]

You have to understand that women get a lot of messages. While in the real world many men are too scared to walk up to a woman, men on the internet will send 50 messages a day.

 

If you're going to put effort into OLD you need to be very selective about who you are going to message. A time back I used it and would get responses to almost all of my messages as I was very selective and weeded out many women. Then I would actually take the time to write a solid message. OLD is difficult for guys and gals have it hard as well weeding out the guys just trying to get into their pants. It's something frustrating on both ends and if you get too involved you're going to burn yourself out.

 

If you have no fears about approaching women in real life then I'd just use OLD as another outlet. Nothing to get too frustrated about.

[mammasita]

Yes it works but for most average quirky men they are at a disadvantage.

 

For instance....I work with a guy who is goofy as ****, kind of reminds me of Igor but damned if I wouldnt sit down with him for a drink or dinner of he asked me IN PERSON.....because I know him and think he is hilarious.

 

On the flip side if he cold messaged me on a dating site and I saw his picture I would say hell **** no and immediately delete.

 

It ****ing sucks......and I don't know if my method applies to the lots of women out there because Id like to think I'm a lot nicer than most in spite of what I've just said......

 

Oh well.

[fortyninethousand322]

It depends on what your definition of "work" is.

[Maleficent]

The best advice I can give you is to write an actual message to a woman. Personally, if a guy sends me a message that reads 'hello sexy' or what's up or any kind of liner with nothing else, I don't respond.

[FitChick]

Even when they read the profile, even when they know they are totally unsuitable based on what they've read:

 

"I've read your profile several times with interest...... I'm really very attracted (also a master of the understatement)!"

 

Photos trump everything online.

[Madman81]

A few things:

 

Let a friend or two critique your profile. What you think makes you sound cool and interesting, may actually make you sound creepy, boring, childish, etc. It's good to have a second set of eyes look at it.

 

Find a way to make your profile stand out. You can do that by being witty, clever, funny, etc. with what you write. Make up a "dating quiz" or something like that, and include it in your profile. If you message a girl, and she reads your profile and finds it funny or charming, you're ahead of most people.

 

Mention at least one interest or activity you enjoy that's a bit different. Not creepy different, e.g. "I'm really interested in serial killers", but something that isn't on every other guy's profile. Like somewhere interesting or unusual you've traveled to.

 

Be specific about movies or musicians you like. For instance, mention your two favourite movies or TV shows; one should be mainstream, and the other should be a surprise. "My favourite movies are The Godfather, because it's like dark cinematic poetry, and Good Luck Chuck, because I remain firmly of the belief that Dane Cook is an unappreciated genius."

 

For god's sake, avoid the usual cliches, such as:

 

"I like to have fun." Really? That's too bad, she thinks, because I'm looking for somebody dull.

 

"I like music." No kidding! Just when she thought she'd finally found the one guy on earth who hates it!

 

"I'm down to earth." What the hell does this even mean, anyway?

 

"Looking for a partner in crime." Yeah, I know, it's meant to make you sound fun and adventurous, but this one's been beaten to death, reincarnated, and beaten to death again.

 

Hope this helps a bit.

[fortyninethousand322]

The best advice I can give you is to write an actual message to a woman. Personally, if a guy sends me a message that reads 'hello sexy' or what's up or any kind of liner with nothing else, I don't respond.

 

Worst advice. That is such a waste of time. Women rarely respond to messages no matter what the content. Better to spend 1 minute writing a generic message than 10-15...