Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Philosoraptor]

It's no more or less successful than any other way to meet people. The only difference is you can have a little information on the person before deciding to start, or not start, a conversation. It can allow you to weed out people based on what you read, what they have going on in their life(smoking, drinking, drugs, kids, whether they've been married, etc.), and pictures can give you a nice glimpse of how they like to spend their time.

 

Pretty much if you're going to go with it, use the filters and narrow your searches before you start reading a ton of profiles.

[TouchedByViolet]

It is great for women, there are always options. All you have to do is decide who peeks your interest the most.

[SensitiveTJ]

I think online dating is great. It worked well for me, just because you can weed out a lot of girls who don't fit the bill anyway. But it should also be noted that 1) Oftentimes, those who have success online are the same people who are successful in real life 2) Having a good online experience depends a lot on your location, age, etc. factors you can't control.

 

But give it a shot, see what happens.

[Ruby Slippers]

I met my boyfriend almost 14 months ago on OLD. He's made it clear he wants to get married and I'm considering it right now. He's a total catch, and I was blown away when first getting to know him. I still think he's an amazing catch - just assessing whether he's the right catch for me.

 

A very good friend of mine met her fiance on OLD. He's also a fantastic guy.

 

It's very unlikely that either of us would have met these particular guys through non-OLD channels.

 

I only went on one date with one other guy from OLD before him, but my friend dated dozens of guys, many of them also highly desirable.

 

You'll have to avoid the 90+% of guys just looking to get laid - but that's not hard to do, because they're usually clear about their intentions up front.

[fortyninethousand322]

I know people don't like hearing this, but if you're a woman it's a lot easier.

 

I might get a date every year and a half through OLD.

[soccerrprp]

Very successful.....for me.

[sdraw108]

Very slow, frustrating, and time consuming, but I've had successes when I have put in the effort.

 

Then again, you're looking to date guys, so your experience will probably be more similar to that of women than men - I agree with the poster above me, that it's a totally difference experience depending on your gender (and orientation).

[grkBoy]

I didn't have a lot of positive experience from OLD. I met my wife through friends.

 

My suggestion...use OLD if you want, but as a SUPPLEMENT to your quest. Big mistake I see many make is they forgo trying to meet people in real life and only sit on dating sites. Still go out, do sociable things, and especially build up your social capital. People know single folk...eventually one will want you two to meet.

 

ALSO...if you are serious about using OLD, then sign up for one pay site. The free sites tend to get the "not serious" folk and the "bottom of the barrel". They don't put much effort into profiles, photos, or emails, and thus they have no investment in finding someone. On a pay site where someone is paying monthly to be there, they have now a vested interest in finding someone...because it's costing them money.

[Drseussgrrl]

I went on a lot of bad dates but finally found my boyfriend. I have lots of friends who have also met their bf's and hubbies online.

 

I think it might be easier in metropolitan areas, however, where nearly everyone does it.

[henderson14]

Some words to describe it for me are slow, inefficient, difficult, disapoonting and frustrating. I live in a huge city too, and am what would be considered a good catch for a guy. It just seems like most of the girls are not as good as they appeared online or there is just no connection. A lot of them will also flake.

[Phantom888]

I met the love of my life on Match. I am so glad this happened.

[henderson14]

Stupid idea to move this thread.

[salparadise]

How does someone "appear" sexual? Is she outright saying stuff like that in her profile? I cannot imagine doing that simply b/c I would think any man responding would think that's all I was interested in and was "easy".

 

On okc everyone has their written profile, plus there are multiple choice questions (hundreds, maybe thousands) which are used to obtain a match percentage for any two individuals. The questions are highly variable, and include some pretty explicit sexuality topics. A few women refuse to answer any of the sex questions but most will answer with surprising candor. I am amazed at how willingly people reveal extremely personal information through the Q&A section.

 

So it is by reading the answers to those questions that I know how open and progressive this woman is sexually. She's bound to be getting her needs taken care of somehow. A woman that sexual and that good looking being single for an extended period of time (several years) doesn't add up.

 

I guess it's possible that she gets her physical needs met through a succession of short-lived dating scenarios, or has a few FWBs that she keeps at arm's length. It's also possible that she is restrained enough to do without until a great relationship prospect shows up, but I don't think thats as likely.

[FitChick]

I guess it's possible that she gets her physical needs met through a succession of short-lived dating scenarios, or has a few FWBs that she keeps at arm's length. It's also possible that she is restrained enough to do without until a great relationship prospect shows up, but I don't think thats as likely.

 

That's because you are a man. Angelina Jolie, after she had divorced Billy Bob but before she met Brad, was on the Tonight Show and said she hadn't had sex or any kind of date in two years. I think it's because men were intimidated.

[Stargazer111]

I've been using free OLD sites for years, didn't have much success. One good and steady relationship did start through POF, but other than that, just a few random dates that went nowhere.

 

The impression I get from a lot of people on the free sites (I'm on OKCupid and POF) are that they're curious about OLD, or bored, or want some attention, and many profiles say up front that they don't expect anything real to come from OLD. I estimate a very large chunk of the profiles to be boredom induced, not seriously in search of a relationship.

 

However, I'd imagine that as soon as you have to pay a monthly fee to use a dating site, that eliminates most of the non-serious people. What are people's views on paid sites like eHarmony? Just as unreliable, or attracts people who take online dating more seriously?

[thefooloftheyear]

That's because you are a man. Angelina Jolie, after she had divorced Billy Bob but before she met Brad, was on the Tonight Show and said she hadn't had sex or any kind of date in two years. I think it's because men were intimidated.

 

 

Or maybe she just didnt want to.(shrug)..where is it written that someone HAS to have a SO to complete their lives, especially someone who is as high profile as she is...

 

 

TFY

[HiddenUser]

I don't really know much about online dating, but people who pay money for something generally appreciate it much more. Whether or not that means eHarmony is taken more seriously than POF, I don't know.

[sdraw108]

Firstly, online dating differs massively based on your gender (and orientation). So to get a proper answer you should state your gender and seek out replies from the same. I'm straight and male.

 

As a girl, all you do in OLD is create a profile and then wait for the flood of messages, then choose the ones you like to respond to. Because most girls get more messages than they have time to read, there is very little incentive (or need) for them to initiate first contact with guys. I can't offer any comments on the differences between free and paid sites, for girls.

 

As a guy, you end up spending tons of time finding profiles you like enough to message (although a lot of guys don't have standards and will spam-message copy-pasted messages in bulk, then filter out the replies).The chances of someone replying is pretty slim, and out of those that do, the chances of it not going cold after you swap a few messages is also slim. It's a lot of hard work, and that's before you even get a date.

 

I've used POF and I've paid for match.com in the past. I can definitely say that there is a noticeable difference. Girls are more likely to reply to messages, more likely to agree to an actual date, and more likely to initiate first contact. They also typically have put more effort into writing a decent profile. Having said that, it's still an incredibly time consuming and frustrating process, it's just less so than when it's free.

 

In approximately 6 months of using POF, I've managed two dates (one of whom I'm continuing to date, currently), and a third that I cancelled before it took place because I met someone in the meantime. On match.com, I got two dates in about 2 months. I'm quite picky about who I contact, so I probably end up with less dates than most people, but that's still about a 2x increase in the number of dates on a paid site.

 

On a separate note, POF doesn't have a chat feature. I found this to be quite useful on match.com, because it's much easier to keep a conversation going in real time - there's an expectation that each person reply quickly, as opposed to a message which can easily be ignored. If you can get someone into a chat, there's a good chance you can get a phone number and/or arrange a date by the time you're done.

 

Finally, it can be worth considering paying for POF's premium subscription. I noticed a fairly reasonable increase in the number of "meet me"s and profile views when I tried it for a month, plus you get extra information such as seeing time-stamps on profile views, messages being read, and when a person was last online. For some reason, some of the extra information you have to pay for on the website, you can see anyway with a free account if you have the phone app. Having tried it once, I probably wouldn't pay for POF again - it makes more sense to take the same money and spend it on a proper paid for site.

 

As for what I think you should do - life is too short to agonize over whether to spend the price of a pizza on a month's subscription. If you spend even a couple of hours less in that month getting a date, then it was worth it. Just give it a try.

 

Another conclusion I reached on match.com, is that it isn't worth getting lured in to paying for a long period for the heavy discount you get. Within a couple of weeks of using it, I noticed that I was just seeing the same profiles over and over again, plus a few new ones that joined each day within my geographical radius. Instead, pay for a short period (1 month ideally), then switch to another site - this keeps your dating pool fresh.

 

If I ever decide to do OLD "seriously" again, I'd probably just go all out, and subscribe to several of the main paid-for sites simultaneously. It's such a time sink, that it makes sense to be as efficient as possible with it.

[William]

As this is about the online dating vehicle rather than a specific personal experience, I'll merge this into the general OLD thread. Thanks.

[sdraw108]

As this is about the online dating vehicle rather than a specific personal experience, I'll merge this into the general OLD thread. Thanks.

 

Is there any way a change to this policy would be considered? For me personally, any time a thead I'm following is merged into this, I lose all interest because 108+ pages is too much for me to keep up with. I imagine it must also be quite off-putting to someone who wants to come on this forum to read other people's advice and opinions.

Edited August 3, 2013 by sdraw108

[HiddenUser]

All the stuff you posted. Edited out for readability.

 

-Hidden

 

You really made a great post. I've always wondered about whether or not OLD actually works. I've been interested in the idea, but I never had the gall to do it for a variety of reasons. Either way, I think it'd be more fun to try to find dates in person. It seems more genuine that way. Plus the feeling of overcoming your fear is quite intoxicating.

[sillyanswer]

Is OLD a massively tiring process?

 

Yes. All these women, so little time!

 

Or you can close the laptop and stop reading emails and browsing profiles any time your eyelids get heavy, and only go on as many dates as you feel comfortable with. It's only massively tiring if you let it or become obsessive about it.

[hylein]

weather it's meeting guys online or face to face they all seem to jump the gun and no it's not flatteering for someone to not care who you are cause the want to jump you. unfrtunately i live in a small town so internet dating has to be an option more unfortunate is that guys get the wrong idea if you make the first move even over the internet. james dean, it's desturbing that you use the word target when speaking about chatting up a girl:rolleyes:

[collegeguy_24]

So I am single now, and I have set up accounts on both POF and OK Cupid, but I am not having much success. Is it ok if I post the links to my accounts and have people review them and give me pointers?

[MrMillion8]

so i reactivated my match account after i broke up with my girlfriend. And i realized that online dating changed. There are a lot of spam now compared to 1 years ago according to the match reviews. I probably going to have to change to a new dating site.