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Posted

I'm convinced that only a small percentage of people are meant to have long-lasting, permanent marriages; while the rest of us only have relationships to provide occasional companionship and to keep the human population going by having babies. It's just fated. I used to think failed marriages were the result of bad people or bad decisions. But it just happens, even when both kill themselves trying to change or trying to avoid it.

Posted

I believe in something like that too. The stars in your headline caught my attention. As an astro-freak, yeah I too believe only the lucky few can find their compatible match in the sea of zombies.

 

It doesn't mean the rest of us give up, right? We'll keep finding till the world folds over. Never say never! :bunny:

Posted

I don't believe anybody is meant to be together for their entire life.

Posted

IME, the synergy of the couple's dynamic tips more to the side of continuing the companionship than to the side of ending it and going solo. I see this a lot in long-term M's, meaning 20+ years, since I'm older and compare those of friends to my shorter one which ended. Simply put, there's enough of a bond and willingness to negotiate the differences, along with separate and compatible desires for companionship, to tip the balance in favor of continuing versus life as single and separate people. Some have expressed this to me directly, opining that they don't know how they could survive alone. It's a perspective I have little understanding of, but do empathize with.

 

I would say that my main failing in that regard is that I don't have a high enough desire for constant companionship to make the necessary sacrifices and 'bends' (our psychologist's word) to tip the balance. This is underscored by an intrinsic desire for and comfort with alone time since divorcing. Some of this may be socialized, as I noted similar behaviors in my mother after my father died. She essentially lived solo for another 25 years and expressed no real interest in 'having' another man. Perhaps those messages were communicated in behaviors during my formative years, IDK.

 

Like Forest Gump said, life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get. As a younger person, the chocolate I was seeing and desiring was that of my parent's life-long marriage. I thought that was the right chocolate flavor for me. Life experience would prove differently. Now, there are different chocolates to eat :)

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