sphynx Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I still have strong feelings for him. He broke up with me last year, now we started talking again, even though he told me he is seeing someone (casually not exclusively, he says he doesn't have a g/f). Initially we said we'd be just platonic friends, but things are progressing to the point where we want to become intimate. We have a very strong chemistry and we do truly like each other, but things didn't work out for us because we jumped into a relationship too soon, there was too much pressure associated with the "boyfriend/girlfriend" label and we didn't really give each other a real chance. I wouldn't be having sex with him in an attempt to win him back, although I would like that to happen. But the thing is, I have never had casual sex with anybody before, and I'm assuming he is sleeping with others (I will ask about it), so as much as I want him (and admitted it to him), I don't know if I can go through with it. And if I do it, would I be ruining any chance to have him back with me exclusively? I don't think not having sex will bring him back to me either, he doesn't seem to want to commit to anybody right now, but how detrimental would be to sleep with him? Is there a chance he would feel closer to me? He is the type of guy that if I were to say "sorry, as much as I want you, I can't be intimate with you without a commitment", he'd say "ok I understand" and move on, he would not try to get me back. So I'd have nothing to gain by withholding sex.
KatZee Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Extremely bad idea since you want to reconcile. You are GOING to catch stronger feelings by being intimate, and one day you're going to wake up desperate to be his girlfriend again (even if you say you're not doing it to get him back, blah blah blah). The feelings are GOING to come back much stronger and then you're going to be "dumped" all over again when he tells you he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. He flat out told you he's seeing someone else. Regardless if it's serious or not, or if she is or isn't yet an official GF, he's still SEEING HER. Do you think they're just hanging out and playing checkers? You're essentially telling him, "Hey, I'm OK with being good enough to screw, but not good enough to be made a girlfriend. I'm also OK with you screwing other girls while screwing me on the side. I really respect myself." He ended it with you a year ago. If he wanted to reconcile it would have happened already. You need to start moving on.
CarrieT Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Sphynx, you know the answer yourself or you wouldn't have come here to ask it. He is seeing someone else. You aren't into casual sex. You already have designs and desires to get back together. There was a reason you broke up in the first place. Throw all that into the mix with sex and you know it isn't going to come out well.
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