Sundaymorning Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 Urgh... My issue is something that always happens to me it seems... If I am with my bf for 6 days straight, with very little time apart, I just run out of energy to give him. I dont want to be close, do anything physical, rather, I just push away. It is like I have spent these 6 days tending to him, giving him love and attention and I just run out of it. I guess I cannot keep giving and giving although the giving is small and special, I just run out of it. I want space, time alone, time where nobody will need me for anything....being needed all the time gets very taxing.But with other's relationships, I guess I dont see that happening. they are like "we miss eachother all the time" "i think about him all the time" " i need to be with him all the time". That isnt me really. When we are apart for a few days, Yes, I am like that a little bit. But I suppose I am just an independent person. This makes me worry about when I have kids because I will need time where they wont need stuff from me...I can just relax and just think about myself. I worry that I will ruin this relationship, which I am so blessed to have, because of this. But the way I explained to him was, I am like a beaker. I am full at first, but then after spending and expending time and energy with someone for a period of time, I become empty with nothing to give. If I am not given the patience and time to refill, the relationship ends up in trouble, kind of like my last 2 year relationship I had. Thoughts?
Debster Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 some people want and need more time/closeness with their partner than others. It isn't really an issue unless the two of you are on separate ends of the spectrum. Have you talked to him about it?
Author Sundaymorning Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 I spoke to him about it- the last sentence I wrote is what I told him. He said it isnt a big deal. But i know he wants affection alot. I can give it to him when I can. But sometimes, like now, When i am all out of giving, I cant. He says hes fine with it.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 This makes me worry about when I have kids because I will need time where they wont need stuff from me The way you verbalize your issues regarding lack of personal space I wonder why you would want to have children. It is okay not to. We're not all made to be mothers.
Author Sundaymorning Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 I think its actually a vulnerability issue! Aha! I shall work hard at this! And about kids, I want some one day, but i am sure I will be more grown up by then and have figured this issue out. thanks!
Leikela Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 What I don't understand is, how is spending 6 days with someone draining? My boyfriend makes me feel revived and renewed when I spend long periods of time with him. I think a relationship should be about giving on both ends so the love you give is returned and then you are revived. That's the way it should be, right? Or am I off here?
Author Sundaymorning Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 I think with every relationship is different, each person is different. I have done most of the things in my life alone, i have recovered from serious issues alone, helped myself, etc. So I am very much independent.. This is an issue that I have to work through. It will be ok. At a certain point in time, I need time to regroup, regain myself that I am used to be when being alone. Geez, not being alone takes time getting used to!
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