nella80 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Long story short: Long distance dating for few months, but have known each other for years. Suddenly he says he needs to think about it, goes MIA for 2 months. I tried reaching out a few times, and finally got a note from him basically saying maybe one day we'll find a way to be together and let's keep in touch. Really?! Anyhow, I got that stupid note with all those stupid smileys (seriously ..?!) a few days ago and still haven't responded. I wrote a draft no contact letter. But I am not sure if I should even bother sending it and just click open his note, unfriend him and that's it. Or send the letter and then unfriend/block. In my letter I basically say I cannot be friends with him right now, maybe one day, but not now. It's short and sweet. But I don't know.. Anyone...? I am so hurting. But there is no way I will accept his crumbs of a friendship.
Ruby65 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm so sorry this happened to you! Wow, what an awful way to break up with someone. I wouldn't dignify his behavior with a response. I would block/unfriend him and move on. And good for you for not settling for "just friends"!
whoknows11 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I sent mine honestly. After she said shes done with me and to leave her alone. I figured it wouldnt make a difference now, and its worth the risk. So i gave my last words.
k100danny Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I have written a letter to my ex before, well twice actually. I don't feel ashamed of it, I didn't poor my heart out or plead for us to get back together or even ask for that matter. I felt better after sending it and i don't regret anything I put in the letter. It was to the point and wasn't nasty or anything and I don't feel it did anything that would damage a friendship n the future IF we ever wanted to be friends. I did my no contact message through facebook and then blocked her, this was around a week or two later, again it wasn't nasty. I wished her well but told her I needed to work on myself and making myself happy ect, I hope she is happy and maybe we will bump into each other at some point in the future. I wished her the best for the future and then that was it. I feel I left it on good note, Even though she left me and moved on I am not playing mind games or trying to make her feel guilty for doing what she did to be happy. I feel this is the best way. Do i feel we will ever be friends again? Hmm i really don't know, I said no about a previous ex at the time and she has become one of my closest friends so possibly but at the minute I dont see it. We went through a lot together and that can't be erased so I don't want any bad feelings thats all.
Author nella80 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Thank you guys.. Ugh, one minute I think just like you Ruby, and than the other- I agree with you 'whoknows', what does it matter at this point. Goddammit! His note was just plain RUDE, if you ask me... Why did I believe him when he said he would never hurt me? why? I should have known better! I have been hurt way too many times! I am just stupid.
Author nella80 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 @k100danny- My letter sounds kind of like yours. No nastiness, no pleading, just no thank you, wish you the best and goodbye. I really like everything else you said... You seem like a very nice guy )) Well, I still haven't made a decision. He keeps checking if I'm online on a messenger (he only has me there as a contact), so he must be a bit confused what in the f happened with me? did I fall off the face of the earth maybe? Just like he did?! FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS. TWO! And I have been dreaming about this guy for YEARS... My Dream Guy. And I was sure we would be forever! my best friend was warning me the whole time- to be careful, cause you just never know- and I? I was just laughing at this. I was like "nooo waaaay! this would never happen, he is NOT like that!! :)" Ha.
SeventhFloor Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 The letter is REALLY for YOU, not for him. Write it, don't send it...
flitzanu Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 no. you should not write someone a letter to say "hey i'm not talking to you anymore". he already made it clear that he's not talking to you by disappearing for 2 months. you sending a letter is you just saying "hey i know you already stopped talking to me, but i'm not gonna talk to you!!!!"
Author nella80 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 no. you should not write someone a letter to say "hey i'm not talking to you anymore". he already made it clear that he's not talking to you by disappearing for 2 months. you sending a letter is you just saying "hey i know you already stopped talking to me, but i'm not gonna talk to you!!!!" Haha, this actually made me laugh a bit! I guess I just want to take the high road here.. whatever it means .. And I am so angry at him right now!
k100danny Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Ah sorry i misunderstood, yeah after him going awol for 2 months a letter could seem like a way to initiate contact. I did mine while we still have some contact her contacting me and vice versa but i felt words on paper were easier to do.
Author nella80 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 It just feels like I am stuck right now. I want to be DONE with this. Whenever I go on fb i see that unopened message there, and his posts and updates.. It keeps setting me back. I will give myself a few more days and then I will probaby just open this stupid msg and unfriend him. But it just seems so rude! I hate being rude! Although I know he deserves it... I'm so hurting. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you all helping me here!
k100danny Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Not during this break up but my previous one i got a text message from my ex a few weeks after we split, for some reason I didn't want to open it. Maybe the thought of it being something good stopped me from reading it and allowed me to have the upper hand. It sounds really pathetic now but i click open the message with my eyes almost closed so i couldnt read it and then flicked it off, I then text quite a few people out of my phone book so i couldnt see it on the screen when i went into my messages. I didn't want to delete it but for some reason i didnt want to read it. I didn't read that message for a couple of months when i was pretty sure i was fully over her, I replied with sorry i didnt reply earlier but i needed time to heal. It was basically just a hi i hope you are well text. she replied saying she fully understood why i didnt reply ect and we are now very good friends. it was totally not the right relationship for either of us and we can see that now. But you really need to block your ex on facebook, trust me if you see something, and sooner or later you WILL. wether it is a picture of an update it will hurt worse than now.
The Tallest One Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 nella80, I wouldn't waste another second thinking about this jerkoff. He's so not worth your time. When someone just vanishes for two months, they are showing you that they don't have enough respect or consideration for you or your feelings to at least let you know ahead of time that they need space or time away. You deserve soooooooo much better, trust me. And no you are not stupid, just human with a heart. You don't have to send a letter or text or email to move on, just remove any possible way for him to contact you and just decide your done with him completely! Be good to yourself, pamper yourself, and spend time with people who love and respect you! Wish I could give you a hug cause you deserve one after what he's done!
flitzanu Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Haha, this actually made me laugh a bit! I guess I just want to take the high road here.. whatever it means .. And I am so angry at him right now! but it's true. go in and delete his message without reading it (because it's pointless now) and BLOCK him on fb. otherwise you're going to keep dwelling on it.
Author nella80 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) but it's true. go in and delete his message without reading it (because it's pointless now) and BLOCK him on fb. otherwise you're going to keep dwelling on it. nella80, I wouldn't waste another second thinking about this jerkoff. He's so not worth your time. When someone just vanishes for two months, they are showing you that they don't have enough respect or consideration for you or your feelings to at least let you know ahead of time that they need space or time away. You deserve soooooooo much better, trust me. And no you are not stupid, just human with a heart. You don't have to send a letter or text or email to move on, just remove any possible way for him to contact you and just decide your done with him completely! Be good to yourself, pamper yourself, and spend time with people who love and respect you! Wish I could give you a hug cause you deserve one after what he's done! Deep down I know and realize you are both right. It was very disrespectful what he's done, and at the end of the day? I didn't deserve it. It was just brutal. How cruel an amputation by silence is.. cruel and immature. I guess what I think stops me from following your advise guys, is the fact that his message was a reply to mine. 2 weeks earlier I sent him a note, and then a week later another one. So I tried reaching out to him. And now he offers me staying in closer touch. Now, if I politely decline and block him, I'll have the upper hand. Or at least feel this way. If I ignore and block, wouldn't it be just as immature as what he's done? wouldn't it be like " Hey look! I'm doing the same thing you've done to me! how about that, a-hole!?" (hmmm..... this actually doesn't sound that bad now ) I think I am also still hoping that he will send me another message and that he'll be back I know it's stupid. Edited July 17, 2012 by nella80
flitzanu Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 depends on your perspective and intention. ignoring him to be childish and immature, is immature, yes. ignoring him because you truly don't want to talk to him because he's a jerk, that's just "cleaning up your life".
penguin23 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I agree, it's all in the intention. So do what will be best for you. It sounds like you're going to keep thinking about the whole situation more if you don't reply. If that's the case, then send him a reply and then block him. Do whatever is going to help you. Don't base it on how it might make him feel.
Author nella80 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 depends on your perspective and intention. ignoring him to be childish and immature, is immature, yes. ignoring him because you truly don't want to talk to him because he's a jerk, that's just "cleaning up your life". I agree, it's all in the intention. So do what will be best for you. It sounds like you're going to keep thinking about the whole situation more if you don't reply. If that's the case, then send him a reply and then block him. Do whatever is going to help you. Don't base it on how it might make him feel. Good points well made! I've decided to just let it be for now. I am super, super angry at him at the moment and my emotions run high. He doesn't deserve a reply from me, and it looks like he won't get one. I mean, ignoring will get my message across anyways, right? I am tired of this.
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