bubblecharm Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) This is my first time on this site. Bumped into it by some sheer luck ofmine. I'm 18. This is an awful story of mine. Miracle or fate, one fine day imet one of my cousins for the first time. I never believed in anything calledlove. All i had inside me was hatred. Hatred for everything and everyone. Losingmy mom at very young age affected me irreversibly. But the moment i saw thisguy, something happened to me. A strong streak of emotion that i believed dead.The moment our eyes met, i was in a bliss. I cant even explain that feeling.Love at first sight:love: He lives in a very far off place and came to my place on a vacation. Thatwas the first time i ever saw him. He's from a very polished family of weirdos.During his 3 day stay, my life changed. I saw things i never dreamed of. I fellin love with him irrevocably. When he left, we used to be in contact by mailsand phone. After few months, i somehow managed to propose him on a mail. I gota reply pronto saying that he loved me too. Blimey, that was the happiest dayin me life. If bieng in love was a bliss, being in a relationship with him wasbeyond words. Ofcourse to no one's surprise, things were strange with him. Hedidnt have a habit of talking much. Conversations used to be short, but deepand strong. I dont know if he felt that or not, i felt a strong bond between meand him. I was in a happy bubble. A never ending. We even used to discuss ourfuture and marriage. At times there used to be a gap of one week between two successiveconversations. I told him about that to which he responded gently by apologising. Things fell normal again. This repeated for a few times. After 5 months- This time the gap widened to one month. No message or callor mail for one complete month. Temper and pent-up angst has its own way ofdestruction. I called him one day and spoke to him in a hostile manner. I evenwent so far as asking for a temporary break-up. Ofcourse i didnt want tobreak-up. Why would i want to do that if he was the only thing in my life worthto live for? I just thought that he needed some space. I conveyed to him thesame thing. So the doom started We were in for a temporary break up. But then things took a strange pattern.I tried to talk to him later. He never picked my calls and never answered mymessages. I mailed him apologising and telling him that everything would bealright if he spoke to me. But alas, no. He repiled me that day, after a month, telling me to move onas he was not right for me. All guilty speech. I didnt understand what wasreally happening. A few days back, everything was alright and all of a suddeneverything started falling apart. I tried to convince him in every possibleway. I thought i'd make him talk to me somehow. So i started pestering him.Finally i got a message. "I dont love you. I never loved you in the firstplace. I was just trying to be compassionate. I have my own life to worryabout. So please kindly **** off from it. Leave me alone". I didnt believei was reading that message. He was never that rude to me. I thought it was somekind of bad joke. I called him again and he didnt respond. All i got was 'leaveme alone'. I understood that something was wrong somewhere. Yt again i tried,just in a hope to hear his voice for the last time. Again NO. My surroundings started to spin. Everything fell apart. I was just awarethat i was breathing and nothing else. I went to bed early with a determinationthat this was a nightmare and it'd pass next morning. NExt morning, the harshreality hit me on a full scale. He wasnt there anymore. I tried to cry forcrying eases the pain. No tears came out of my eyes. I was just frozen, cold.Days passed. I hated him, atleast i thought so. Every moment i spent, every breath i took reminded me of him. Finally, one day i collapsed. Tears poured out of my eyes and i was crushed with pain. Endless pain. My insides squirmed. Gradually my health weakened and i was hospitalised. People say that we forget things as time passes. But that doesnt ever happen. There are wounds that can never heal. Even the mention of his name or a mere memory was enough to rock me from inside. I used to go down to my knees unable to take it anymore. No matter how much i cried, it never stopped. After a few days something weird happened though. People might think i'm crazy or making up some ****. This is true. Hallucinations. I used to hear his voice, see him, feel him. My friends even suggested me a shrink. I used to be strong before. Now? I break down for every few moments. I barricade myself in my room so that my parents wont know whats eating up their only daughter. Its been 6 months since the break-up. Nothing changed. It was just like yesterday i heard his voice. There are two things that I'm sure of in my life- "No one can ever love him like I do. And no one can ever hurt me like he does". Yesterday, on my friend's force, i messaged him on gtalk. He responded! We had a casual talk. A drastic change in me. I gained my colour back. I dont need anything in my life except his love. Hope he gets back to me.. Well, it was long. Thanks for reading it! Amigos! Edited July 16, 2012 by bubblecharm
LovinCousins Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Bubble, the problems we face with our cousins are so numerous. You have to combat stigma from within the family and outside the family. Just the fact that you say one of you is from the 'weird' part of the family is a huge barrier. Your best hope he has these barriers/worries inside his head and is confused. Show him that you two aren't alone . Look up Queen Victoria, and Prince Albert<3. At worst he has meant what he said, and I am one to believe there is truth to everything people say, so make sure he explains that someday. If he's willing to talk to you, casually drop some cousin royalty into the conversation and see if he'll warm up to something so perfect. I know early on my cousin and I had to tell our immediate family to fix the possible guilt we felt. Only her mother supported us. But it meant the world that someone wanted us to try. Of course this meant none of my family supported us. I faced insults untill they began to forget. Everytime they'd belittle me and our love I had to tell her that their manipulation of my thoughts was working; but I had to be concerned about our future and the family accepting us is important to our future. Did he tell any of the family about this; maybe someone else's harsh words had an impact on his feelings? Have you guys looked into other cousin couples? Einstein, Darwin, etc. Himing knowing you two aren't alone is important so you aren't fighting stigma AND feelings. His periods of withdrawl are slightly more worrying toward the truth of his words. The fact he ignored you so much almost seems like previous attempts to 'kill the feelings.' Also the fact he's gone 6 months thus far and isn't coming around also hurts any positive thoughts to me. He may only have responded to you now because he knows that you will meet again, being cousins. If there was whispers to him about the relationship being bad, he may finally have had those whispers stop. Edited July 17, 2012 by LovinCousins
Author bubblecharm Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 @LovinCousins--- Yeah, I understand what you are telling me. But, the problem is not in the cousin thing. Being cousins was advantageous like he told me. So no problems there. And we told few of our cousin about our relationship which he was okay with. I still understand what went wrong. One day he mailed me a guilty speech and next day itself he was rude downright. I dont know what to think. And last friday when I spoke to him, he was guilty and all. He told me that something terrible had happened and time was bad. Also told that he'd someday tell me everything on phone. But, what was MY fault in everything. I didnt do anything. Why would he be harsh to me if something had happened to HIM? Couldnt he tell me straight away then? Even now, he stays online the whole time, but never talks. Ofcourse he talks good if I start the convo. Whats hurts me is why cant HE talk to me by himself? If all that was his fault why hesitate when I myself started talking.. That too after a window of 6 freaking months?! That simply hurts me.. his silence.
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