donna351 Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 [color=red][/color] Hi my name is Donna, and I really need some advice, I feel like I'm going crazy. I met this guy and we married last march 2003. In April 2003 he was deployed to Iraq. He is stationed in Kansas and I live in New Mexico. Last July I found out he was e-mailing and talking to other girls on line before he was deployed. I found this out on 4th of July, my brothers birthday. 1 month later that brother was in the hospital and passed away 3 months later. I had to deal with alot, my brother and finding out about those e-mails, (reading them) I asked my husband he said it was his friends.. I knew better. Finally 2 months later he admitted it. Said him and his friends were messing around on the computer.. ok I dealed with it. He came home to Kansas in April.. me and his family went to see him.. it was great they were staying 3 days and I was going to stay with him 10 days.. he wanted me to go home with his parents.. I couldn't understand why he wanted me to leave after being apart for a year. Well I stayed, well we stayed in the hotel the whole time only to leave to eat, I thought that was weird but dealed with it. Before being delpoyed he always wanted me to move to Kansas with him when he returned.. now all I hear is excuses of why I shouldn't move there! A few days after I left kansas he returned home... when i was home he always had is cell phone off, or on silent, everytime I came home or was off work he did this, but 1 day he got a call and I can hear.. it was a girl and she was very hurt and said why haven't you called with a hurt voice.. I asked him and he said it was the people that gave him a dog and was concerned how the dog was doing...OK..It sounded too personal.. He went back to Kansas, and things have changed I talk to my husband for maybe 10 minutes a day maybe that sometimes he doesn't call...I just went to see him for 4th of July and we went to see a movie, ate out once.. went fishing.. and spent the rest of the time in the hotel .On 4th of July we spent the whole day watching movies from 8:00 am to 12:00 that night. We were invited to his sargents house he didn't want to go.. his phone rang all day and he avoided it. The first day I was there it took 3 hours for us to make Love.. we watched tv .. I think something is going on in Kansas I think the reason why he doesn't take me anywhere when I'm there is he is hideing something .. any advice?
nicki Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 yup, you are right...something is going on...don't let him or anyone else tell you differently... not making love for three hours? come on, he'd rip your clothes off before the door even closed if he hadn't been with you in a long time... the calls, not wanting to go out and socialize with you...it's obvious...maybe he even wants to get caught... now you just have to talk to him. don't ask him for details. just tell him you know what's going on and you want to talk about what to do now. before you talk to him, think about what you want....if you want to save your marriage, then i'd suggest moving to kansas AND getting some serious counseling...he can't be trusted right now... but don't feel bad or blame yourself...a lot of wives in the military have this problem due to the loneliness, distance, women throwing themselves at the guys...if he's really remorseful, you can fix this..if he doesn't care or try to fix it, then you must think about leaving him or putting up with his cheating forever...
Author donna351 Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Thanks for your advice, I don't know what I'm going to do.. but I'm going to find out what is going on and than confront him. I'm going to go to Kansas without him knowing and find out for myself. I don't want to move out there and quit my job if all I suspect is true because I wont be able to forgive him that easy and If what I suspect is true it is going to ruin things
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