heIIokitty Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) So I been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a month. We are both 23. I know that i am suppose to be in my so called "honeymoon" stage right now but I'm not anywhere near that. For 2 weeks now, I can't say that I am completely satisfied with this relationship..I just feel like he doesnt really care for me and that I'm taken for granted. Maybe I am just over reacting 1. the first time i went over to his place, in his room.. there was pictures of him and his ex gf (they broke up a year ago) in a huge picture frame (near his bed and clearly in a visible spot). ** the pictures were of them kissing, holding hands, and etc. I thought this was really inconsiderate/thoughtless thing to do.. since this was my first time coming over, but i was pretty nice about it and just said "oh you still have pictures out?" and he's response was "opps, i forgot to put them underneath my bed". So i figured maybe he just havent got to it or forgot it. But NOPE, the next day i came over.. he still had them out. I said " oh you still have the pictures out?" again and thought he would pick up the hint (since he cant be that oblivious) and he just said "yah i forgot". He didnt even bother to put them up. The only reason he eventually put them up was cuz i told him that it wasn't cool that he still has the pictures out and i even asked him if he still has feelings for her (cuz thats what it looked like from my perspective b/c why else would you have pictures out of you and your ex whom you broke up a year ago with????!?!). ** this was a red flag. - a week ago, i did talk to him that it was pretty inconsiderate of him to still have them out and he just told me that he didnt understand why I would be upset about it. He states " if i want to be with her, i would. But I dont, so thats why I am with you." 2. The little things. I am aware that hes not much of a talker but I think hes being too difficult. Correct me if I am wrong, but usually, when beginning of a relationship, this is the time when you cant get enough of the other person. For me, this is when i want to get to know him more and more and talk to the significant other every opportunity I get. I thought this applies to most people until i met him. He barely talks to me even when i know hes not busy. The only times we would talk on the phone is when i ask him if he wants to talk on the phone at night (thats about 2-3 times a week). Sometimes whenever i talk to him, i feel like I'm annoying him (since he barely replies to my text). Its not the fact that hes a slow texter or anything, whenever i hang out with him.. hes always constantly texting his friends so i know hes capable of replying to my text atleast. - I understand that people need their personal space and I'm not asking him to text/talk to me 24/7 but maybe talk to me for the basics.. such as how is my day, good morning, or good night. HE NEVER ASKED ME once, how my day was.. or anything. Or maybe the fact that i want him to actually try to engage in our conversations to show that hes interested in me but from my point of view, it just seems like he doesnt really care. (i did talk to him about this before) -There was couple of times whenever i called him at night whenever i knew he wasnt busy (probby playing games or something) and he never responds to my call or text message. I just wanted to talk for a little bit before heading to bed and he doesnt even respond til the next morning. 3. He also told me he was already comfortable with me within 2 weeks of the relationship. I really do put alot of effort in this relationship, where as in return i feel like he doesnt even try. But then again, I just a helpful person and thoughtful person. There are multiple things i done for him and i dont mind helping him out since hes my boyfriend .... but i know this sounds silly but a simple thank you would have been nice (he didn't even say thanks at all). He doesn't appricate me and I just feel like an option to him (he just talks to me whenever its convenient for him). He's also not the most affectionate person either and even when i go out of my way to look nice for him, he doesn't even say one thing about it. Honestly, sometimes i wonder to myself why hes even in a relationship with me if he doesnt even care about me. There are plenty of things that doesn't seem right about this relationship but maybe its just in my head or maybe im just expecting too much?? Am i just being immature about this whole relationship? Options would be nice. Edited July 16, 2012 by heIIokitty
madjac74 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 If you are struggling and unsure this much just 2 months into the relationship, then you are fortunate. You have learned very quickly that it is going nowhere. Some people waste much more time
Author heIIokitty Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 we have been dating for only a month ** and sorry everyone for the typos. i cant correct them now.
madjac74 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 We dont care about the typos. But one month is how many dates? 3 or 4 at best? You already seem annoyed with him so you know to keep looking
Snakechammah Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Follow your heart and your instincts. If your subconcious self is screaming NO, then the answer is No. Move on and find a man that makes you feel comfortable. Good luck! PS: He's not the only fish in the sea, you know... you don't have to settle.
MrCastle Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Red Flag: Still having pictures of ex near bed Dealbreaker: Not taking them down the next time I'm there even though I already pointed out that it bothered me. The rest (not asking how your day was etc etc) just further proves what was already apparent, he's just not that into you. Since I'm happily single and not looking for anything serious, I'm very trigger happy. I'll hit the eject button over small things, just because it's gonna take a real special girl to get me to settle down. I may have even cut ties after seeing the picture of the ex by her bed. I assume a girl dating me should realize "oh yeah; i'm not dating my ex anymore, i'm dating this dude. time to get rid of this picture". That alone would have miffed me to a point where I would have said you know what, this isn't going to work. But if not then, definitely the picture still being there the next time I visit. Really? It's that hard to remove it from the dresser?
bac Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Do you have sex with him? What date did you have the first intercourse with the guy? How often do you have sex with him? Do you like sex with him?
Author heIIokitty Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Do you have sex with him? What date did you have the first intercourse with the guy? How often do you have sex with him? Do you like sex with him? we didnt have sex yet
FitChick Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Honestly, sometimes i wonder to myself why hes even in a relationship with me if he doesnt even care about me. I think the question is why YOU are in a relationship with him if he doesn't care about you. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.
Silly_Girl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 One month, and 2 weeks of it is 'not great'. Definitely, without a moment's hesitation, move on to something positive that makes you feel good. You owe him nothing and you're doing yourself a disservice by trying to understand him.
venusianx13 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 How did you two end up together, anyway? I'd nip it in the bud. If you're already feeling unappreciated, disrespected, etc., it will not improve with time, it will get worse.
Author heIIokitty Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks everyone for your response and I appricate it.. But I do feel alot better knowing that its just not me that thinks that I don't see this working out! I guess i should break off with him since it's clearly not working out. I do feel a little guilty that I didn't try my best to work out the relationship ( I did talk to him about the problems though but I just feel like I could be more patient with him).
veggirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks everyone for your response and I appricate it.. But I do feel alot better knowing that its just not me that thinks that I don't see this working out! I guess i should break off with him since it's clearly not working out. I do feel a little guilty that I didn't try my best to work out the relationship ( I did talk to him about the problems though but I just feel like I could be more patient with him). Be more patient about what? His obsession with his ex gf? Just move on, don't date guys who aren't over their exes. Boundaries. Establish yours and stick to them.
thatone Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Be more patient about what? His obsession with his ex gf? Just move on, don't date guys who aren't over their exes. Boundaries. Establish yours and stick to them. boundaries for what, pictures on the wall of people you don't know? this is ridiculous. here, let me help clear the air. a) she got insecure about a picture on a wall b) he pointed out how silly she was being about it c) she came here looking for someone to agree with her d) you all gave her what she wanted they've only been 'dating' for a month. she knows as little about him as he does about her, and all of us know even less about the both of them. but what we do know is she's a 23 year old woman so that means insecurity is driving force #1, until proven otherwise. and since insecurity is the entire subject of this particular disagreement, well, there you have it. while i'm at it, 23 year old men have very little idea of what is proper and improper as far as interior decorating goes. so with all that in mind, better advice for the OP would be to observe how you're behaving right now, and work on it. not to say your boyfriend of a month isn't a scumbag. he very well might be, we don't know him. but we do know a bit about you from what you've posted, and having a single moment of insecurity drive your entire decision making process is how you'll be back here making the same kind of threads when you're 40. so consider that and think about how you can avoid doing it in the future.
veggirl Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 boundaries for what, pictures on the wall of people you don't know? this is ridiculous. here, let me help clear the air. a) she got insecure about a picture on a wall b) he pointed out how silly she was being about it c) she came here looking for someone to agree with her d) you all gave her what she wanted they've only been 'dating' for a month. she knows as little about him as he does about her, and all of us know even less about the both of them. but what we do know is she's a 23 year old woman so that means insecurity is driving force #1, until proven otherwise. and since insecurity is the entire subject of this particular disagreement, well, there you have it. while i'm at it, 23 year old men have very little idea of what is proper and improper as far as interior decorating goes. so with all that in mind, better advice for the OP would be to observe how you're behaving right now, and work on it. not to say your boyfriend of a month isn't a scumbag. he very well might be, we don't know him. but we do know a bit about you from what you've posted, and having a single moment of insecurity drive your entire decision making process is how you'll be back here making the same kind of threads when you're 40. so consider that and think about how you can avoid doing it in the future. Well, I meant boundaries in general. For relationships in general. In this case, though... --pictures of him kissing his ex displayed in his room ------that aren't taken down after she expresses discomfort. yeah, if it's only been a month, that'd be a dealbreaker for me. absolutely. You think it's "silly" to be weirded out that your boyfriend has pictures displayed of him kissing his ex? You call that "interior decorating"? lol gimme a break.
ScienceGal Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 A year after the break up and he still has a photo of them near his bed? This guy has not moved on, and he has nothing to offer you or anyone else until he does.
thatone Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 A year after the break up and he still has a photo of them near his bed? This guy has not moved on, and he has nothing to offer you or anyone else until he does. honestly, i go out of my way to find original art to hang in my house, and if you stopped me on the street and asked me what 5 paintings i have look like i'd struggle to think of what they are. most men simply don't think about that stuff like women do. he probably didn't even know the picture was there until she brought it up.
Sugarkane Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 A year after the break up and he still has a photo of them near his bed? This guy has not moved on, and he has nothing to offer you or anyone else until he does. That is exactly what I thought.
veggirl Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 honestly, i go out of my way to find original art to hang in my house, and if you stopped me on the street and asked me what 5 paintings i have look like i'd struggle to think of what they are. most men simply don't think about that stuff like women do. he probably didn't even know the picture was there until she brought it up. Really? Guys are so dense that they don't notice LARGE pictures of them kissing their ex? That are displayed in their home? And the point is, once she did point it out to him, he STILL didn't do anything about it.
Author heIIokitty Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Really? Guys are so dense that they don't notice LARGE pictures of them kissing their ex? That are displayed in their home? And the point is, once she did point it out to him, he STILL didn't do anything about it. Yup, I honestly don't think anyone can really be that oblivious but then again, he is a little bit odd. When he told me that he didn't understand why i felt "bothered" by them (or thought it was inconsiderate)... I asked him how would he feel if he comes to my place for the first time and i had pictures of me and my ex laying around and he said he wouldnt feel anything towards it at all. What kind of person wouldn't feel a little uncomfortable when your significant other has pictures laying around of their ex's around? UNLESS he's just not that interested in me or he's just really different.
Author heIIokitty Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) boundaries for what, pictures on the wall of people you don't know? this is ridiculous. here, let me help clear the air. a) she got insecure about a picture on a wall b) he pointed out how silly she was being about it c) she came here looking for someone to agree with her d) you all gave her what she wanted they've only been 'dating' for a month. she knows as little about him as he does about her, and all of us know even less about the both of them. but what we do know is she's a 23 year old woman so that means insecurity is driving force #1, until proven otherwise. and since insecurity is the entire subject of this particular disagreement, well, there you have it. while i'm at it, 23 year old men have very little idea of what is proper and improper as far as interior decorating goes. so with all that in mind, better advice for the OP would be to observe how you're behaving right now, and work on it. not to say your boyfriend of a month isn't a scumbag. he very well might be, we don't know him. but we do know a bit about you from what you've posted, and having a single moment of insecurity drive your entire decision making process is how you'll be back here making the same kind of threads when you're 40. so consider that and think about how you can avoid doing it in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I can see why you would say that. Yes, I do agree that maybe it was a little silly for me to feel a little "insecure" about them since they are just pictures, after all (objects). But the fact that he had pictures wasn't as bad as the way he responded. Automatically the 3rd time i mentioned them, I did tell him that it was a little uncool to have them around (i was being nice about it). Before he put them up and whatnot, he got into a really defensive mood (as if i offended him horribly) stating something along these lines: " Well its not my fault that i been so busy lately with work and school and blah blah blah.." To my perspective, that's just a horrible reason. All he had to say was " sorry, ill put them up or something along those lines but instead, he was being really defensive about them." It takes less than 30 seconds to put the pictures away NOT hours. Like i said in the previous comment, maybe hes just an odd guy. Edited July 19, 2012 by heIIokitty
Ruby Slippers Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Yeah, he sounds kind of... slow, or something.
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