ccrocker58 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Okay here's the story: Me and my girlfriend of 5 years hit a really bad couple of weeks. And by bad, I mean really, really bad. We live long distance, so when we aren't together we used to do things like watch movies together, webcam, play multiplayer games, etc. to kind of simulate "dates". Well after so long I got a little too comfortable with our relationship and I started to refuse doing these things. After she got back home from visiting me for my friends wedding, she asked me to help her get in shape by downloading myfitnesspal. I literally laughed this off and said "If I want to lose weight, I'll just stop eating so much!". The next few days she asks to watch something on Netflix together, again I said no "there's nothing on it anymore." To top it all off, when we were on the phone together I would basically sit there in silence doing whatever I was doing, giving her minimal attention. At this point, it shouldn't come as a surprise that she got to the point where she wanted to take a break. I found out that the reason she asked me to use myfitnesspal with her was because her ex offered to help her get in shape, but at the time she'd prefer to do it with her boyfriend. The started talking more and apparently he became interested in her. After 2 weeks of me treating her like garbage, she finally decided to break things off for a while. Of course I'm a guy, and I don't realize what I had until I'm on the brink of losing it. My emotions spiraled and things got pretty tough. But by some miracle I managed to get her interested in me again. Which made what happened last week all that much harder. I found out that she wound up sleeping with her ex. At first I was crushed. But after talking to one of my female coworkers who also got back with her ex after a break, she explained that it should be seen as normal. Breaks are supposed to be for both of you to find out what you want. Either way, I calmed down about it. But my ex also explained that he started treating her like sh*t after she slept with him. The moment they finished he got up and went on his computer. The days following he refused to drive out to see her, he wouldn't answer her calls and he rarely replied to her texts. Basically; he used her. She denies it, but I'm almost positive she had some kind of feelings for him, she isn't the kind of girl to sleep around. Plus every time me and her talked she sounded upset almost every time she answered the phone. So the other night after watching an episode of Game of Thrones together we had this conversation in text: Me: I can't believe I'm going to say this...but I'm sorry he's treating you like sh*t. Her: Why? Me: Why what? Her: Did you say that? Me: I don't know...I honestly think a part of you was interested in him; why else would you sleep with him? And if what you said he did is true, that's f***ed up. You don't deserve that. You're an amazing woman _____. If he's too short sighted to realize that, he can go screw himself. Me: I just thought you could use a little comfort...I didn't mean to bother you so late. Her: No, you're not; but I agree. Me: Oh, okay. Well good night, talk to you tomorrow hopefully. Her: Goodnight <3 And just like that she started texting me again, she started calling me, and instead of being upset, she sounded excited to talk to me again. Yesterday we said this: Me: Feel up to watching Game of Thrones tonight? Her: Probably not. Me: Everything okay? Her: Yep. Just remember that I still need some space, there are other things I'm trying to figure out apart from you. Everyone I asked basically said that she considers me and her resolved, or is really close to it and that she just wants some alone time to figure out some other things (she has a list of other things she's dealing with; all irrelevant to this though) and that I should be able to rest easier and just give her the time and space she needs. My question is this; what do I do now? The last "break" I went through with an ex ended with us apart...I don't have a clue how to handle this. Should I just call her once a day? Should I stop calling altogether? Can I text? At this point I feel so close to getting her back, if I haven't already and I DO NOT want to push her away again, but it's making me feel more like I'm walking on eggshells now than I did when we were on a full on break.
KatZee Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Uh, I kind of have to disagree with your coworker or her coworker, whoever that is. It's NOT normal for her to just go and sleep with who she wants because she's on a break with you. Unless you both had a discussion as to what this "break" entailed, then it's really not right that she went and slept with her ex. I mean how do you think SHE'D react if she found out you were sleeping with one of YOUR exes? Sh*t would absolutely hit the fan and it would be some really twisted double standard. If she needs to figure out things "apart" from you, fine. But clearly she wants to figure out if she wants to be with other people. Sleeping with her ex is a huge indication that she's not happy with you, not satisfied with you, and she's out exploring her other options. Even after he treated her like crap she's still telling you she needs space apart from you and wants to be by herself. She didn't just run back into your arms, so I'm not sure where you're getting "I feel so close to getting her back." I don't see that at all. I see a girl who's clearly into her ex... who may have never entirely been over her ex to begin with and now she has to deal with the crushing reality that he just used her and tossed her out... AGAIN. I'm not sure why you'd be in such a rush to take this girl back even if she did wind up crawling back... to me, you seem like a second choice. The one she wanted got away, and you're the comfortable, familiar, dependable guy that's always been there. She slept with her ex the second she had a chance, and now she's dealing with the emotional consequences of it. She's damaged at this point and anything you get into with her from this point forward is tarnished and it's a relationship built on a broken foundation... She wants space. She reiterated it in her text. She doesn't want to hang out with you, she doesn't want you comforting her, she wants to be left alone. So I think you need to just do that. Edited July 16, 2012 by KatZee 1
Recommended Posts