I seriously think being born female makes dating 2x more easier.

[carhill]

As long as we're talking about heterosexual Rs, every time a woman goes on a date, so does a man. So how can women en masse be going on MORE dates and meeting MORE people than men en masse.

 

Polyamory, as evidenced by married/LTR/single men dating and having sexual relations with multiple women concurrently. A simple perusal of LoveShack, reading women's anecdotes about such events, underscores the dynamic.

 

In the past, I argued exactly your point, simply because I erroneously figured one man, one woman. If one man is 'hoarding' ten women, it's simultaneously easier for those women, presuming they desire the man's company and parts, and harder for the other nine men whom those same women eschew for the one.

[fortyninethousand322]

Polyamory, as evidenced by married/LTR/single men dating and having sexual relations with multiple women concurrently. A simple perusal of LoveShack, reading women's anecdotes about such events, underscores the dynamic.

 

In the past, I argued exactly your point, simply because I erroneously figured one man, one woman. If one man is 'hoarding' ten women, it's simultaneously easier for those women, presuming they desire the man's company and parts, and harder for the other nine men whom those same women eschew for the one.

 

Exactly. I've said this before too. And it doesn't have to be one man with ten women either. One man could have five women, another with two, etc. and the little drops add up.

[phineas]

jobaba, I think V is above average in attractiveness, so I never understand her posts to the contrary. That's all I'll say about her. I don't think the average man or woman is only chasing after '10s' in attractiveness.

 

 

 

I'm suggesting it's not really about the number of options but the quality of the options.

 

I'm also suggesting that while women get approached more, that does not necessarily equal more options. It only suggests a potential role via passive or active.

 

so you are saying most men are low quality then?

That there is a higher ratio of quality women than men on the planet?

 

you must be because if women have more options than men but you insist the quality is the same you are in effect saying there are more quality women than men.

 

As long as we're talking about heterosexual Rs, every time a woman goes on a date, so does a man. So how can women en masse be going on MORE dates and meeting MORE people than men en masse.

 

Because women have more options & can date multiple men during the week while men have less options & maybe go on a date once a week or once a month?

 

Honestly this is just basic math here.

[snug.bunny]

Sometimes, I really seriously think that being born with rich parents, would make living 100 times easier. Damn you parents, damn you to hell!!

[zengirl]

Polyamory, as evidenced by married/LTR/single men dating and having sexual relations with multiple women concurrently. A simple perusal of LoveShack, reading women's anecdotes about such events, underscores the dynamic.

 

And, if that thesis is true, do you think that makes dating easier for women? Not just acquiring a date, but actually dating, which includes the experience of dating as well.

[AD1980]

And, if that thesis is true, do you think that makes dating easier for women? Not just acquiring a date, but actually dating, which includes the experience of dating as well.

 

It means that women are shooting themselves in the foot pursuing a man with multiple women hoping shell be the one he falls for..

 

My good looking friend has that situation..women know he has tons of other women hes seeing yet they still see him in hopes he chooses them when in reality he has no interest in these women and isnt that attracted to them but said since theyre average looking theyre an easy lay..

 

 

While a guy like me whos closer to their level of attratciveness then they are to him gets ignored while id treat them like gold and not use them as a **** toy like he does..

[ThaWholigan]

so you are saying most men are low quality then?

That there is a higher ratio of quality women than men on the planet?

 

you must be because if women have more options than men but you insist the quality is the same you are in effect saying there are more quality women than men.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a "quality" issue but generally compatibility. I personally don't believe anyone, man or woman, should settle to date someone they don't find attractive for whatever reason. I have been approached by girls I don't find attractive and have had to turn them down. So in a way, I can understand in some ways what women are getting at, when they say that their options may not be the most enticing for them. I wouldn't ask a woman to "give me a chance" if there is the chance that I don't meet her standard, whatever it is. I have my own standard, and I stick to that. I don't think women are too picky personally - but I guess that's because in a way I'm picky myself.

 

Because women have more options & can date multiple men during the week while men have less options & maybe go on a date once a week or once a month?

 

Honestly this is just basic math here.

 

If men had hordes of unattractive options and could date more than one in a week, would you date them, or be happy?

[zengirl]

so you are saying most men are low quality then?

That there is a higher ratio of quality women than men on the planet?

 

No, I am saying men are less likely to be approached by their low quality options and thus less likely to even consider their existence since men approach more and women approach less. As TW says, it's also a matter of compatibility and not always just overall quality.

[phineas]

I don't think it's necessarily a "quality" issue but generally compatibility. I personally don't believe anyone, man or woman, should settle to date someone they don't find attractive for whatever reason. I have been approached by girls I don't find attractive and have had to turn them down. So in a way, I can understand in some ways what women are getting at, when they say that their options may not be the most enticing for them. I wouldn't ask a woman to "give me a chance" if there is the chance that I don't meet her standard, whatever it is. I have my own standard, and I stick to that. I don't think women are too picky personally - but I guess that's because in a way I'm picky myself.

 

 

 

If men had hordes of unattractive options and could date more than one in a week, would you date them, or be happy?

 

But the numbers don't add up.

Either women have unrealistic standards or men are less attractive on the whole.

[phineas]

No, I am saying men are less likely to be approached by their low quality options and thus less likely to even consider their existence since men approach more and women approach less. As TW says, it's also a matter of compatibility and not always just overall quality.

 

 

So just because a woman's standards are unrealistic they have it just as bad as men?

 

what you call "compatibility" most other women in OP's age range cal "OMG HE'S SOOOOO HAWT!!!".

[zengirl]

So just because a woman's standards are unrealistic they have it just as bad as men?

 

what you call "compatibility" most other women in OP's age range cal "OMG HE'S SOOOOO HAWT!!!".

 

How does that relate to what I actually said?

 

No, I am saying men are less likely to be approached by their low quality options and thus less likely to even consider their existence since men approach more and women approach less. As TW says, it's also a matter of compatibility and not always just overall quality.

 

I didn't suggest women's standards were unrealistic or any higher than men's. I merely suggested that the many woman any given man won't date generally aren't approaching him to ask him to.

 

I know some women who look for hotness and some who look for compatibility. The same with men. I personally am not comfortable telling anyone what they SHOULD look for in general, though if they want a productive and lasting R, obviously, compatibility is key. Maybe they don't, and that's fine. As long as their priorities and expectations line up, cool beans. I also have no problem with anyone wanting anything they want, as long as they don't feel they are entitled to getting it. That's my thoughts on 'standards' in general.

 

I think it's really hard to suggest what's a realistic and unrealistic standard, except by the criterion of, "Is it getting met?" or "Is it possible?" In the case of anyone unlucky in love, male or female, it's not getting met and I've yet to meet too many people with impossible standards (like expecting someone to have a pet unicorn or something).

 

As to whether men's or women's standards are higher for various situations (re: a date, sex, a relationship, whatever), I've yet to see any evidence or hard data to suggest there's any strong patterns. I'm willing to discuss that, but I think it has absolutely nothing to do with 'ease' of dating.

[Kamille]

I have standards. Whether or not they're unrealistic is not for you to judge. My standards have led me to some happy relationships, as have other people's here. That's the only definition by which standards should be judged. If they don't work for you - change them. But don't waste your time trying to convince others that their standards are unrealistic just because you're unhappy.

 

What I don't understand is the notion of not having standards. Imagine the world children would grow up in if their parents simply shacked up with the first person who would have them?

 

Plus, not to mention: aren't you successfully dating Phineas? So what's all this non-sense about women's unrealistic standards?

[jobaba]

Sometimes, I really seriously think that being born with rich parents, would make living 100 times easier. Damn you parents, damn you to hell!!

 

This is actually a good analogy.

 

I was born with rich parents.

 

Rich enough that I didn't have to pay for any of my degrees (even though I did my 2nd anyway).

 

Rich enough that I don't have to worry about supporting them or helping them out ever.

 

So it would be good for me to recognize I was born with an innate advantage and try and give back to those that were given less of an advantage in that sense. And I won't toot my own horn in term of what I do, but my sister donates a large portion of her considerable salary to charity.

 

And I truly think more people should think the same when it comes to dating as well.

[somedude81]

Women have it easier. There's no question.

 

My sister who people say looks just like me and is of equal height and size for a woman has had boyfriends since high school and has had men hitting on her. She is of similar sociability skill too and is actually pickier about who she will socialize with.

 

Her most serious boyfriend met her through a mutual friend and asked that friend for her number and proactively called her and that was not the first time that had happened. Her second boyfriend approached her at a club and asked for her number too.

 

How many times has a woman done that for me? Zero. How many times has that come close to happening for me? Zero...

 

Just the fact that you have to put in less work to meet people makes it easier. Even she and my other female friends have admitted it is easier for women. It kind of boggles my mind that some women here don't think so.

 

The best thing to do if you are a guy who is not good looking and doesn't have cute women approaching you is to realize you have to put in work and get out there and do it. The earlier you realize it, the better.

 

Just the way it is. You don't like it, go gay or get a sex change.

Jobaba pretty much makes the case but it's ignored.

 

His sister is roughly him as a girl and has demonstrated how it's easier for her.

 

As long as a girl is not ugly and not fat and not super shy or not a total bitch or does not have some major personality disorder, she will not have problems with dating. The only possible issue she will have is choosing the right guy.

 

In essence she is the HR manager looking to fill a position. It's a very different problem that men face as being the applicants.

[skyneel]

I agree with zengirl. Man are really approach more and more. But man will say reverse. overall all finger are not equal in our hand. But naughtily I love cheating.

[iris219]

This is actually a good analogy.

 

I was born with rich parents.

 

Rich enough that I didn't have to pay for any of my degrees (even though I did my 2nd anyway).

 

Rich enough that I don't have to worry about supporting them or helping them out ever.

 

So it would be good for me to recognize I was born with an innate advantage and try and give back to those that were given less of an advantage in that sense. And I won't toot my own horn in term of what I do, but my sister donates a large portion of her considerable salary to charity.

 

And I truly think more people should think the same when it comes to dating as well.

 

Are you suggesting that women (since you claim they have more “dating capital”) should be more charitable and “give” to the less fortunate (men) when it comes to dating?

[jobaba]

Are you suggesting that women (since you claim they have more “dating capital”) should be more charitable and “give” to the less fortunate (men) when it comes to dating?

 

I think people should be more lenient when it comes to physical standards, yes.

 

Let's face it. That's what we're talking about. Nobody is saying a woman is too picky because she doesn't like guys who watch football.

 

We're talking about discrimination on things you can't control ... the wealth of your parents and your physical appearance.

 

I truly think the world would be a better place if people cared a lot less about looks.

[Kamille]

The charities to which I contribute will not eventually move into my home and raise my children.

 

And the fact that I am privileged at least in educational levels does not mean I am willing to give up my well-paying job so that someone else, who doesn't have the same advantages, can benefit from the accumulated privileges I have. Charity is what I do to ease my conscience precisely because I would rather maintain my place in the social hierarchy.

[somedude81]

Bottom line.

If you are a woman & single because you can't find an "Acceptable" man it's because you have overestimated your value & the "Acceptable" men don't find you "acceptable"

 

If mr acceptable doesn't want to date you it's because he can do better & you need to bring your standards down to earth & accept the fact you are not as awesome as you think you are.

 

this falls in line with op's problem.

women his age laugh at all the options they have, they can pick & choose who they want to go out with & when.

 

Op can't even get a woman to go on a date with him.

There are a lot of guys in his age group with this problem & it isn't because their unattractive looking either.

 

They just don't fit the mold of a young women's idea of what is "acceptable".

Or if they do manage to get a date their disqualified for the silliest reasons.

 

So unless there is some kind of genetic disease affecting only the male portion of the population generating a "creep" gene or "just friends" syndrome women in op's age group need to start lowering their expectations.

 

Unless having more options has somehow turned into a bad thing women have it easier in their 20's.

Most men have 1 or 2 options at a time at best.

Most women have at least 4 or 5 & every day they are in social situations it can go up.

 

Who will have an easier time finding someone "acceptable" to go on a date with in that situation?

 

Who will have an easier time finding a quality person to have a relationship in that situation?

 

 

I feel sorry for today's younger generation.

because when they hit their 30's you are going to see a lot of women looking to marry prince charming and a lot of Guys who are angry virgins.

I agree with everything.

And why is that not true for men as well? I see no logical support of the conclusion that women do this more than men. Most, if not all, of the men who post here that they can't get a date have standards they aren't willing to lower as well.

 

ETA: I'm actually not advocating anyone (male or female) 'lower' their standards, as I think that's a terrible idea! The right idea is to ensure that your standards are all truly fitting of what would be most healthy for you in the long run (i.e. perhaps a compassionate heart really does matter more than six pack abs, I'd argue, though to each their own), but not to simply lower them.

 

At any rate, I'm only saying that almost everyone has standards and this myth that men have no standards is doing no one any favors.

The only sort of standards that the vast majority of men have are

 

Don't be ugly

Don't be fat

Don't be a psycho bitch

 

Is it really so unreasonable to want a woman who posses those three 'qualities?'

 

The main point is that an average man would consider a hell of a lot more women to be acceptable, then the average women would consider men to be acceptable.

 

Women are much more picky than men, because they can be.

[iris219]

Jobaba pretty much makes the case but it's ignored.

 

His sister is roughly him as a girl and has demonstrated how it's easier for her.

 

As long as a girl is not ugly and not fat and not super shy or not a total bitch or does not have some major personality disorder, she will not have problems with dating. The only possible issue she will have is choosing the right guy.

 

In essence she is the HR manager looking to fill a position. It's a very different problem that men face as being the applicants.

 

This brings me back to my previous point that dating is hard for some people, regardless of whether they are male or female.

 

I have it harder than many men. That doesn't mean all women have it harder than all men. Because I'm pretty, I have it easier than a couple of my single female friends who haven't been on dates in years.

 

Your analogy doesn't work for the women who have trouble dating because they, like myself, aren't conducting any interviews. And there are women, like there are men, who have no options. Why can't you acknowledge this?

[somedude81]

Looks like most men have more options than I do. Where is this magical place where women have their pick of 4 or 5 single, relationship minded men? I'd like to know so I can go there because I've certainly never been.

Seriously, where do you live where there are no single men above 30?

 

Do you work at Never Never Land?

[Kamille]

The only sort of standards that the vast majority of men have are

 

Don't be ugly

Don't be fat

Don't be a psycho bitch

 

 

It takes much more than that to build a relationship. So I guess it's a good thing for all of society that women are pickier.

[jobaba]

The charities to which I contribute will not eventually move into my home and raise my children.

 

And the fact that I am privileged at least in educational levels does not mean I am willing to give up my well-paying job so that someone else, who doesn't have the same advantages, can benefit from the accumulated privileges I have. Charity is what I do to ease my conscience precisely because I would rather maintain my place in the social hierarchy.

 

Yea, that's not how I think.

 

Interact with some people that are lower on the 'social hierarchy'.

 

You'll see what kind of people they are.

[ThaWholigan]

I think people should be more lenient when it comes to physical standards, yes.

 

Let's face it. That's what we're talking about. Nobody is saying a woman is too picky because she doesn't like guys who watch football.

 

We're talking about discrimination on things you can't control ... the wealth of your parents and your physical appearance.

 

I truly think the world would be a better place if people cared a lot less about looks.

I'm lenient in the sense that there is a broad range of things I find physically attractive in a woman. But I think there's only so far I can go in terms of being lenient in that regard. I would rather not date someone I found unattractive - that could eventually lead to an unhappy relationship as one would not be attracted physically and that can cause problems. I do think that people shouldn't hold out for absolute perfection, but at least a base level of physical attraction is required, most of which aren't that hard to reach for either gender.

 

I don't think of it as discrimination - I don't necessarily think you can control who you are attracted to. I am attracted to black women mostly, but my ideal is slightly lighter-skinned mixed raced/latina/mediterranean/etc girls. There's not much I can do about that - I'm a sucker for girls like that.

[Kamille]

Yea, that's not how I think.

 

Interact with some people that are lower on the 'social hierarchy'.

 

You'll see what kind of people they are.

 

I do interact with people lower on the social hierarchy as part of my job. My own extended family comes from a 'lower' spot in the social hierarchy.

 

My point is this: given the fact you regonize you were born with an unfair advantage in the job market, are you willing to give up your job so that someone else has a better position? Would you trade places with the disadvantaged, rather than give them a hand out or "condescend" to socialize with them? Would you be willing to give up your home?

 

Because that's basically what some seem to be hoping to acheive by trying to convince the women who have dating capital (and that's not all women) they should lower their standards: oh, sure, you could date someone you're attracted to who treats you right, but you should give up your advantages on the dating market so that the guys who have it rough have it less rough. (And again, that's not all guys: clearly, these advantaged women are dating someone).